Are all moms kind of lame or just my mom friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I can't relate.

I feel that my time with my children is fleeting and there's nothing I want more than be with them as a family.
My oldest is 13. Soon he'll be off to live his own life. I cherish the moments we have together.

Do you feel guilty for going out one night (dinner, drinks) or spending a weekend away with your friends?

One night, no, actually I have one planned for next week. They are few and far between. But I would not enjoy a weekend away from my children. I MISS my children when I am away from them, just as they miss me. Guilt doesn't come into it.

You need to work on cutting the cord. It's a wonder they can even make it through the school day without you!

Actually, I don't. You are out of line for suggesting it. Do I criticize you for living your life? No. My parents were like this with me, many of my friends' parents were like this too, and we are all happy, functioning adults.
My father left Asia to live in Europe, I left Europe to live in America, my kids will perhaps leave this continent for another one. Perhaps we would not be as mobile, independent and successful if we were raised another way.

You need to accept that different families have different ways of being happy.

[Anonymous]

Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, a girls weekend away is not that appealing to me at this point in my life. I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. I spent my 20’s and early 30’s doing lots of girl weekends. Then I had children and priorities changed. What appeals to me is meeting a couple friends for dinner or doing a pedicure together then lunch. But actually leaving town? Nope.

[Anonymous]

I’m too tired. Children are draining. My down time is very valuable and it’s usually spent with my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

Go do all those things and have fun! I'm all for warm PJs and such, but I also love to go out and have fun. And the thought of ladies weekends away makes me so happy, I cannot for a second understand how people don't want to get away. To each their own. OP, live it up!

[Anonymous]

For me it's a money thing (since you're specifically talking about weekends away). I do (and need!) regular friend get togethers (dinner, brunch, nights out, nights in...), but when it comes to the expenses of a multi-night getaway it's hard to justify spending money for a vacation for only me; I feel guilty and we're not loaded enough that it wouldn't feel like I was taking away from money that could be spent on family vacation, which is definitely the priority. That said, I do go away with my group of close girlfriends once a year; we just plan something that isn't extravagant. I know some of my friends are in different financial situations (some don't even have kids) and their ideal destinations would be more exciting than where we usually end up. But they understand that some of us couldn't join in that case, and obviously it's appreciated that we all work together to plan what works for the most people, because those once a year getaways are much anticipatied and SO fun.

For argument's sake, you said it's lame that they won't leave their kids and go away with you, but then mentioned that when you were in this stage you would just bring your baby with you. Which is it? Also keep in mind that it's a lot easier to have people cater to you when you're the only one who has a baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

Then it seems pretty obvious to say ok, well, your friends will reach this point too...you're just ahead of them, and you 100% know where they are - right?
Also, are you happy in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

I hate to be away from my DH and my kids. I am very aware that my time with my kids will come to an end in a few years. I enjoy going out for a short while but I want to be in bed with my DH at night. Weekends away is not something I can enjoy right now. Maybe at some other time in my life.

Also, I am over the whole drinking and dancing night out. I got it out of my system when I was in college. If the people around me were very interesting who were into interesting hobbies and pastimes, perhaps I would have gone along. But, mostly spending a lot of time doing stupid things annoy me now. I can go and watch a show and grab a bite happily if it works out with my kids scedule, but seriously, I do not need to do it with my friends. I do not mind to make it a date night with my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be away from my DH and my kids. I am very aware that my time with my kids will come to an end in a few years. I enjoy going out for a short while but I want to be in bed with my DH at night. Weekends away is not something I can enjoy right now. Maybe at some other time in my life.

Also, I am over the whole drinking and dancing night out. I got it out of my system when I was in college. If the people around me were very interesting who were into interesting hobbies and pastimes, perhaps I would have gone along. But, mostly spending a lot of time doing stupid things annoy me now. I can go and watch a show and grab a bite happily if it works out with my kids scedule, but seriously, I do not need to do it with my friends. I do not mind to make it a date night with my husband.

I'm sure your husband loves that you "do not mind" having a date night with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the first amongst my friends to have a kid. Now I’m 40 and everyone has kids. My friends can’t or won’t go away ever. They have limited time and money or just don’t want to go away. I have 3 kids. These kids make me want a break! DH reminds me that not everyone has the resources to just go away. When my oldest was a baby/toddler, my friends were still single and getting married. We would go out often and go away. New mom friends also seem fine hanging out with kids but evenings and weekends seem to be reserved for husbands?

Maybe I’m the only one who wants to escape my 3 young children.

I think you are being too judgmental of your friends. Maybe they don't have the energy to go out. Maybe their kids need them at night. Or they want to re-connect with their husbands or stay in and read. That does not make them lame. You have different priorities right now from your friends.

How would you like it a friend came on and complained about a friend who always wants to go out. And called you lame that u didn't want to spend time with your family?

Surely, there are meet-up groups you could join?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those moms with no time, money, or willing family babysitters. I'm happy to do evenings if it's planned in advance and not super late on weeknights, but I don't have any interest in getting away for entire weekends. PP who mentioned women away from their kids 60 hours a week not wanting to miss them on weekends too was spot on. I really appreciate and value my frienda who are willing to meet me at my level.

Op here. I get it. I know. I was just venting. The first few years of motherhood were a blur. When I worked, I missed my kids. I still met up with my then childless friends. I would bring the baby with me.

If it was ok for you to bring your baby with you back then, then why isn't it ok to meet with your friends + their children now?

OP, think any of those friends called you lame when you would only hang out with them with your baby? Sounds like you couldn't have been getting up to too much fun if you always dragged your baby along to all your girlfriend hangouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those moms with no time, money, or willing family babysitters. I'm happy to do evenings if it's planned in advance and not super late on weeknights, but I don't have any interest in getting away for entire weekends. PP who mentioned women away from their kids 60 hours a week not wanting to miss them on weekends too was spot on. I really appreciate and value my frienda who are willing to meet me at my level.

Op here. I get it. I know. I was just venting. The first few years of motherhood were a blur. When I worked, I missed my kids. I still met up with my then childless friends. I would bring the baby with me.

If it was ok for you to bring your baby with you back then, then why isn't it ok to meet with your friends + their children now?

OP, think any of those friends called you lame when you would only hang out with them with your baby? Sounds like you couldn't have been getting up to too much fun if you always dragged your baby along to all your girlfriend hangouts.

I can’t fit a decade of meetings in a little box. I have always met up with friends. DH and I used to take turns. I didn’t need to be home when the baby was sleeping. I have celebrated milestone birthdays, bachelorette, bridal and baby showers - all when I had young children.

And I love my children and DH. I gave up working so I could spend more time with them. I especially hated putting kids in daycare during school breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

Remember the old Girl Scout song -- "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." I think it's time for you to make some new friends, but still keep the old ones. Figure out ways that you can get together with your old friends occasionally -- maybe at a park so kids can play while you sit with lattes and chat. Or invite them over for brunch and to play with your kids' stuff. (Other people's toys are THE BEST.) If your kids are a bit older, they will love to share some of their old toys with the little ones. Maybe plan a beach weekend getaway where all the kids can play together, and the adults can stay up and reminisce after the kids are asleep in their pack n/ plays. But also make new friends through your kids' schools or elsewhere. I found that there were a fair number of preschool moms that were looking for the occasional girls' night out -- one of the moms at our preschool organized a couple a year. (Sexist not to invite the dads, but there you have it.) I find that the SAHMs are particularly lookng for this kind of connection. Be the mom that organizes a girls' night out and see if you can make some friends. I'm not really good at it, but I do know that moms in our neighborhood sometimes do get together for shows and concerts. especially because a lot of their husbands are not that into it. (I really don't know anyone that wants to take the time and expense to travel without kids, unless they are going with their spouse or re-connecting with very old friends. But, really, it's fine to travel with your kids! Check out the Travel Forum!).

PS I'm also having a mid-life crisis, but sadly it's not a "I feel great!" crisis, so you're really lucky, as far as mid-life crises go.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess you are a SAHM who is bored and wants to go pretend you're single in Nashville on the weekends.

Lots of us work and don't want to waste our family time on girls trips we got plenty of when we were younger. Find something to fulfill you and make you happy because all I get is your husband and kids and friends all make you miserable when really, it's just that you are miserable.