Are all moms kind of lame or just my mom friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So confused by your post OP. You are very quick to judge your "lame" friends, and say that a few years ago when you were the only one with a baby you would hang out with them and just bring your baby along. Now that they have babies/young kids, you're pissed that they won't drop everything to an out of town girls weekend?

Yeah, +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

OP, what is your relationship with your DH like? I lost a ton of weight and want to dress up and go out with my DH! I love to travel with my kids as I love to expose them to the world. A sightseeing vacation with my friends is my idea of hell.

OTOH, things I typically do with my GFs are grabbing a coffee during my lunch break or going to the gym or going on a spa vacation. Did you try floating these ideas to your GFs?

Marriage is best it has been in years. We have been going on more date nights. I love how doting he is to our daughter. He is an extremely capable person and can handle the kids. We spend a lot of time together as a family.

DH and I both go out with our friends alone once or twice per month. We do date night every other week or so.

We have four family vacations planned over the next year. I know that some may consider that a lot already. I want to do a girl trip to Paris or Italy. DH is very sweet and said we can go as a family. I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband. <3

Ok this is ridiculous. Going away to Paris and Italy with girlfriends does not work for most moms. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you happy in your marriage?

Oh come on. OP wanting to go on the occasional girls' trip does not mean she is unhappy in her marriage. What a silly implication.

Oh no, I agree that wanting to spend time with friends is normal (and healthy!). I was responding more to her later followup reply where she talks about how she's recently lost a lot of weight and wants to go dancing and to shows and travel the world. Something in the tone of that reply sounded a little mid-life crisis-y and made me wonder how she's feeling in her marriage - did you read that one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

OP, what is your relationship with your DH like? I lost a ton of weight and want to dress up and go out with my DH! I love to travel with my kids as I love to expose them to the world. A sightseeing vacation with my friends is my idea of hell.

OTOH, things I typically do with my GFs are grabbing a coffee during my lunch break or going to the gym or going on a spa vacation. Did you try floating these ideas to your GFs?

Marriage is best it has been in years. We have been going on more date nights. I love how doting he is to our daughter. He is an extremely capable person and can handle the kids. We spend a lot of time together as a family.

DH and I both go out with our friends alone once or twice per month. We do date night every other week or so.

We have four family vacations planned over the next year. I know that some may consider that a lot already. I want to do a girl trip to Paris or Italy. DH is very sweet and said we can go as a family. I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband. <3

OP you sound like a have-it-all. Everyone else is not so lucky or does not prioritize their life this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly thing to argue about. OP is just venting that her friends aren't interested or able to socialize the same way she is able to and is desiring. None of that makes her a bad mom (just like it doesn't make her friends "lame") - OP, it sounds like you just need a friend or two who wants to do the same stuff as you. I know that is way easier said than done, and I sympathize.

Friends are a huge part of my life, and I'd be really sad to feel unfulfilled in my friendships. Even if we aren't on the same page, lifestyle-wise, I'm sorry that you're not getting that right now and I hope it shifts.

Op here. I think there is a disconnect with my friends. The friends who would want and can easily afford it have very limited time since they work and vacations are reserved for family. Then I know some SAHMs who are the main caregivers and husband can’t/won’t handle or take time off work so wife can go away. Some don’t have the money. And there are my friends who had kids later and want to savor this time with their new baby. I wouldn’t even bring up going away with my new mom friends. I have a handful of friends going through marital issues and girl time is last on their minds.

I’m going out this Friday with friends. Visiting my friend’s newborn this weekend. It isn’t like I don’t see friends with or without my kids. I was just bummed no one wants to go on an awesome European getaway. I may have to settle for visiting a friend in Chicago or nyc since it is unlikely we are coordinating a trip away together the way we did in our 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

OP, what is your relationship with your DH like? I lost a ton of weight and want to dress up and go out with my DH! I love to travel with my kids as I love to expose them to the world. A sightseeing vacation with my friends is my idea of hell.

OTOH, things I typically do with my GFs are grabbing a coffee during my lunch break or going to the gym or going on a spa vacation. Did you try floating these ideas to your GFs?

Marriage is best it has been in years. We have been going on more date nights. I love how doting he is to our daughter. He is an extremely capable person and can handle the kids. We spend a lot of time together as a family.

DH and I both go out with our friends alone once or twice per month. We do date night every other week or so.

We have four family vacations planned over the next year. I know that some may consider that a lot already. I want to do a girl trip to Paris or Italy. DH is very sweet and said we can go as a family. I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband. <3

Ok this is ridiculous. Going away to Paris and Italy with girlfriends does not work for most moms. Period.

+1. Both logistics wise and financially, that really is just not an option for the large (large) majority of moms with young kids (...heck, neither is 4 family vacations in one year...). If this is news to you, you're wildly out of touch. You're being ridiculous. On the plus side, this is something my mom and her friends (early - mid 60s) would do...although tbh for something like a Europe trip they'd probably still bring their spouses and make it a couples' trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

OP, what is your relationship with your DH like? I lost a ton of weight and want to dress up and go out with my DH! I love to travel with my kids as I love to expose them to the world. A sightseeing vacation with my friends is my idea of hell.

OTOH, things I typically do with my GFs are grabbing a coffee during my lunch break or going to the gym or going on a spa vacation. Did you try floating these ideas to your GFs?

Marriage is best it has been in years. We have been going on more date nights. I love how doting he is to our daughter. He is an extremely capable person and can handle the kids. We spend a lot of time together as a family.

DH and I both go out with our friends alone once or twice per month. We do date night every other week or so.

We have four family vacations planned over the next year. I know that some may consider that a lot already. I want to do a girl trip to Paris or Italy. DH is very sweet and said we can go as a family. I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband. <3

Ok this is ridiculous. Going away to Paris and Italy with girlfriends does not work for most moms. Period.

+1. Both logistics wise and financially, that really is just not an option for the large (large) majority of moms with young kids (...heck, neither is 4 family vacations in one year...). If this is news to you, you're wildly out of touch. You're being ridiculous. On the plus side, this is something my mom and her friends (early - mid 60s) would do...although tbh for something like a Europe trip they'd probably still bring their spouses and make it a couples' trip

+1 This works for the 20's crowd or the 50's crowd. Not for most moms with little kids. You have to wait a bit for this OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm still very close with women I've known since elementary school and I have done trips with them; I'm not using limited vacation days and leaving my family to go away with friends I can see easily who are local.

My DH is happy for me to go away, but I think once or twice a year for solo fun travel is probably the limit, and I am not "wasting" that on some mom-friends who I can just as easily see for lunch. I am just much pickier about these trips and have been in situations where a bachelorette party group or whatever was just not a good fit as a group and I really regretted the plane ticket, vaca day, hotel cost, and weekend away from my family. Just because they are saying no to you doesn't mean they don't ever do this or are fully against going away...but I do understand your frustration. I have little kids and it's harder to plan even quick outings and plans with friends who have older kids because they don't know their weekend schedules until the sports tournaments are all announced!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly thing to argue about. OP is just venting that her friends aren't interested or able to socialize the same way she is able to and is desiring. None of that makes her a bad mom (just like it doesn't make her friends "lame") - OP, it sounds like you just need a friend or two who wants to do the same stuff as you. I know that is way easier said than done, and I sympathize.

Friends are a huge part of my life, and I'd be really sad to feel unfulfilled in my friendships. Even if we aren't on the same page, lifestyle-wise, I'm sorry that you're not getting that right now and I hope it shifts.

Wrong. She's venting that her friends won't plan an "awesome Europe vacation" like they did in their 20s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly thing to argue about. OP is just venting that her friends aren't interested or able to socialize the same way she is able to and is desiring. None of that makes her a bad mom (just like it doesn't make her friends "lame") - OP, it sounds like you just need a friend or two who wants to do the same stuff as you. I know that is way easier said than done, and I sympathize.

Friends are a huge part of my life, and I'd be really sad to feel unfulfilled in my friendships. Even if we aren't on the same page, lifestyle-wise, I'm sorry that you're not getting that right now and I hope it shifts.

Wrong. She's venting that her friends won't plan an "awesome Europe vacation" like they did in their 20s

I would do Arizona or Caribbean too. Doesn’t have to be Europe. My preference would be Europe. Like I said, DH said he would go and bring the kids so I’m planning that now.

[Anonymous]

Most moms.

I have few mom friends who are interested in doing things they did pre-kids. I figure they lenjoy being a mom more than I do OR they get very wrapped up in whatever stage of life they are in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly thing to argue about. OP is just venting that her friends aren't interested or able to socialize the same way she is able to and is desiring. None of that makes her a bad mom (just like it doesn't make her friends "lame") - OP, it sounds like you just need a friend or two who wants to do the same stuff as you. I know that is way easier said than done, and I sympathize.

Friends are a huge part of my life, and I'd be really sad to feel unfulfilled in my friendships. Even if we aren't on the same page, lifestyle-wise, I'm sorry that you're not getting that right now and I hope it shifts.

Wrong. She's venting that her friends won't plan an "awesome Europe vacation" like they did in their 20s

I would do Arizona or Caribbean too. Doesn’t have to be Europe. My preference would be Europe. Like I said, DH said he would go and bring the kids so I’m planning that now.

Gosh OP you just seem tone deaf. International vacations are hard to plan with little kids and most people do not go that extra mile with local mom friends. They would rather do that with friends they do not see that often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a silly thing to argue about. OP is just venting that her friends aren't interested or able to socialize the same way she is able to and is desiring. None of that makes her a bad mom (just like it doesn't make her friends "lame") - OP, it sounds like you just need a friend or two who wants to do the same stuff as you. I know that is way easier said than done, and I sympathize.

Friends are a huge part of my life, and I'd be really sad to feel unfulfilled in my friendships. Even if we aren't on the same page, lifestyle-wise, I'm sorry that you're not getting that right now and I hope it shifts.

Wrong. She's venting that her friends won't plan an "awesome Europe vacation" like they did in their 20s

I would do Arizona or Caribbean too. Doesn’t have to be Europe. My preference would be Europe. Like I said, DH said he would go and bring the kids so I’m planning that now.

Gosh OP you just seem tone deaf. International vacations are hard to plan with little kids and most people do not go that extra mile with local mom friends. They would rather do that with friends they do not see that often.

I’m actually not tone deaf. I understand why this isn’t possible for most moms. I spoke to my best friend this morning who lives out of town. I’m going to visit her in November.

[Anonymous]

Wait - OP has ONE kid and is out of the early childhood weeds and judging? GTFOH!

[Anonymous]

Don't worry, OP. These are the same moms that will be posting later in life about how sad and lonely they are that their kids don't need them very much anymore and their DH doesn't pay attention to them and that they no longer have good friends or a life outside of their homes. Plus their career sucks because they mommy tracked themselves so that they could run Jr. to practice 5 times a week. These posts come up all the time in the 50 & Over forum because these ladies quit cultivating their friendships (and marriages half the time) and now regret it.