Elderly father destroying family harmony & his legacy in pursuit of inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rather have my cousins and my uncle than the money. My siblings feel the same. The money is not a life changing amount when divided between six of us. I told my father that I don’t need it or want it under these circumstances. If my father secretly needs it for himself, he should let us know. It’s wrong for him to pretend that he is fighting for us.

This was the position I took with my sister on a similar issue. It didn't work. She still feels entitled and I still feel shorted and our children, who know about the discrepancy, also resent it. It's better to work it out fairly if possible, even if you don't really need the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone knows that my father forgave the debt. He mentioned it repeatedly at gatherings to shame my uncle. My uncle had offered to give my father half of the original loan amount. It was what he wanted when my grandmother died. My father now says he will only be satisfied with half the investment. He was unwilling to accept any of the risk, but now wants half the reward. He tells people it is all for his children though none of us want it. My cousins think we are two-faced.

You have this exactly backward, but you're not listening to logic or reason. You've already made up your mind that your dad is in the wrong, because you're embarrassed that anyone would think you want the money (even though you've already made it clear it's not for you). You called your dad a braggart for not demanding the money back, and now you're calling him a family destroyer for demanding it back. He can't win with you. Possibly a dozen different people have told you in this thread that your uncle and cousins are being unfair, greedy, and selfish, but you've decided your dad is a monster because he wasn't okay with being ripped off twice. Your poor dad, to have a brother willing to steal from him and you for a kid.

+1 I feel really bad for the dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rather have my cousins and my uncle than the money. My siblings feel the same. The money is not a life changing amount when divided between six of us. I told my father that I don’t need it or want it under these circumstances. If my father secretly needs it for himself, he should let us know. It’s wrong for him to pretend that he is fighting for us.

This was the position I took with my sister on a similar issue. It didn't work. She still feels entitled and I still feel shorted and our children, who know about the discrepancy, also resent it. It's better to work it out fairly if possible, even if you don't really need the money.

I don’t want to be cold, but my father is angry with his brother and will die in maybe five years at the most having damaged how the family sees him. My uncle will also die soon, but my cousins will live forty or fifty more years. That’s a very long time for my siblings and I to be estranged from family. It will impact our children as well. I can’t accept this money and I cringe to think that our father will brag about how he dragged his brother through court for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rather have my cousins and my uncle than the money. My siblings feel the same. The money is not a life changing amount when divided between six of us. I told my father that I don’t need it or want it under these circumstances. If my father secretly needs it for himself, he should let us know. It’s wrong for him to pretend that he is fighting for us.

This was the position I took with my sister on a similar issue. It didn't work. She still feels entitled and I still feel shorted and our children, who know about the discrepancy, also resent it. It's better to work it out fairly if possible, even if you don't really need the money.

I don’t want to be cold, but my father is angry with his brother and will die in maybe five years at the most having damaged how the family sees him. My uncle will also die soon, but my cousins will live forty or fifty more years. That’s a very long time for my siblings and I to be estranged from family. It will impact our children as well. I can’t accept this money and I cringe to think that our father will brag about how he dragged his brother through court for us.

There's something really wrong with you, OP. You seem to be lacking any empathy at all. Has anyone suggested that you might be a narcissist before? I'd recommend discussing the situation with a psychologist and seeing what issues they uncover.

I really hope you get help, even just for your children's sake.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to be cold, but my father is angry with his brother and will die in maybe five years at the most having damaged how the family sees him. My uncle will also die soon, but my cousins will live forty or fifty more years. That’s a very long time for my siblings and I to be estranged from family. It will impact our children as well. I can’t accept this money and I cringe to think that our father will brag about how he dragged his brother through court for us.

This is weird. OP what culture are you from? In American culture, the kids would not be involved or would support your dad who is on the right side of the law. I can't imagine any of our relatives threatening to estrange themselves because the other side was pursuing their legal right. Its even more bizarre that you are so intent in favoring the side that is on the wrong side of the law.

It seems like there is more to this. Is your side of the family very wealthy and the other side poorer? Are you from a very materialistic culture where its important to be perceived as wealthy and successful? Do you view your father pursuing his legal right as signaling that you not as wealthy as you want to be perceived.

[Anonymous]

And also - why are not blaming the cousins at all for threatening estrangement? What type of family members would estrange themselves over something like this -especially when they are in the wrong. Very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rather have my cousins and my uncle than the money. My siblings feel the same. The money is not a life changing amount when divided between six of us. I told my father that I don’t need it or want it under these circumstances. If my father secretly needs it for himself, he should let us know. It’s wrong for him to pretend that he is fighting for us.

This was the position I took with my sister on a similar issue. It didn't work. She still feels entitled and I still feel shorted and our children, who know about the discrepancy, also resent it. It's better to work it out fairly if possible, even if you don't really need the money.

I don’t want to be cold, but my father is angry with his brother and will die in maybe five years at the most having damaged how the family sees him. My uncle will also die soon, but my cousins will live forty or fifty more years. That’s a very long time for my siblings and I to be estranged from family. It will impact our children as well. I can’t accept this money and I cringe to think that our father will brag about how he dragged his brother through court for us.

There's something really wrong with you, OP. You seem to be lacking any empathy at all. Has anyone suggested that you might be a narcissist before? I'd recommend discussing the situation with a psychologist and seeing what issues they uncover.

I really hope you get help, even just for your children's sake.

Totally agree with this. OP, everyone on this thread agrees on this (which rarely happens here) and you refuse to see the situation as it is.

Why are you blaming your dad? Is there something going on? Did he do something to you? Was he abusive? Why do you resent him over cousins and uncle who are obviously in the wrong here??

[Anonymous]

None of us wants the money...rather than none of us want the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your dad suing his brother? I'm confused.

He is. My uncle made an investment loan with money that belonged to my late grandmother. At the time of her death, it looked like it would not pay off and my father wrote it off so to speak. Now the return is coming in and is is considerable. My father is fighting for half. He says that it is for us. Split six ways, the half is not really impressive and certainly not worth destroying family harmony and my father’s legacy.

THE UNCLE SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE GIVING YOUR FATHER 50%. NOTHING WAS LEGALLY WRITTEN OFF AND NO SANE PERSON WOULD DO THAT WITH AN INVESTMENT LOAN.

YOUR UNCLE IS A REAL ASS, THE WILL SHOULD STIPULATE THAT GRANDMA'S MONEY IS 50/50 AT TIME OF DEATH - WHICH INCLUDED YOUR UNCLE'S MISSUSE OF HER FUNDS IN RISKY INVESTMENTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of us want the money that dad claims he is pursuing for our sake. We have all separately and together asked him to cease and desist both his informal and legal actions as they are destroying family harmony and his legacy. A family reunion was cancelled because my cousins feel the stress is too much for their father. Is the only solution estrangement? Should I tell my dad that even if he wins, I will just give my share to my cousins?

WTF would you give your cousins a bunch of money your grandparents worked hard for and left for family inheritance.

Are you sure your cousin's haven't brainwashed you? Or you always a total pushover, keep-the-peace type that is easily screwed over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Why don’t you just let him give you the money and then do whatever you want with it... why not just donate it?

My cousins would look at me badly if I accepted the money.

You cousins sound just as F'd up as your uncle, their father.

True colors come out at inheritance time. Split the money even steven and move on. Everything will be back to normal in 12 months time. Nothing will be back to normal if your uncle and cousins keep your share of inheritance. They have proven themselves selfish and untrustworthy, and now they are bullying you and pretending to be victims! wow. wake up OP, wake up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm genuinely curious as to whether you hold your uncle and cousins at all responsible for any family rift? Aren't they now valuing money above family? If it's such a small amount, and family is so important, why don't they just give your father his fair share in order to maintain family harmony?

Are you able to see the hypocrisy at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Why don’t you just let him give you the money and then do whatever you want with it... why not just donate it?

My cousins would look at me badly if I accepted the money.

You cousins sound just as F'd up as your uncle, their father.

True colors come out at inheritance time. Split the money even steven and move on. Everything will be back to normal in 12 months time. Nothing will be back to normal if your uncle and cousins keep your share of inheritance. They have proven themselves selfish and untrustworthy, and now they are bullying you and pretending to be victims! wow. wake up OP, wake up.

I'm curious as well as to how the cousins could possibly have a problem with the money being split. Not that it would or should matter what they think, of course. But it's not like OP's dad is demanding ALL of the money for a penalty (I presume), but just his share.

Have the cousins actually said that they'd be unhappy about it? I can't imagine what possible way someone could justify that. It seems that even illogical and delusional OP acknowledges that her father would win the case in court AKA he's the rightful owner of the money, and can distribute it as he chooses.

I'm wondering if a PP was right about there being some other reason for OP siding against her father no matter how outrageous the position. It sure does seem that way.

[Anonymous]

How much money are we talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much money are we talking about?

I think she said $3k for each of the 6 kids.