Elderly father destroying family harmony & his legacy in pursuit of inheritance

[Anonymous]

None of us want the money that dad claims he is pursuing for our sake. We have all separately and together asked him to cease and desist both his informal and legal actions as they are destroying family harmony and his legacy. A family reunion was cancelled because my cousins feel the stress is too much for their father. Is the only solution estrangement? Should I tell my dad that even if he wins, I will just give my share to my cousins?

[Anonymous]

Huh? Why don’t you just let him give you the money and then do whatever you want with it... why not just donate it?

[Anonymous]

You e already told him you don’t want it, which means he isn’t pursuing it for you, he’s pursuing it for himself. Don’t bother telling you dad you’d give it to your cousins, if anything tell your cousins that so they know you’re standing with them.

[Anonymous]

Is your dad suing his brother? I'm confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your dad suing his brother? I'm confused.

He is. My uncle made an investment loan with money that belonged to my late grandmother. At the time of her death, it looked like it would not pay off and my father wrote it off so to speak. Now the return is coming in and is is considerable. My father is fighting for half. He says that it is for us. Split six ways, the half is not really impressive and certainly not worth destroying family harmony and my father’s legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Why don’t you just let him give you the money and then do whatever you want with it... why not just donate it?

My cousins would look at me badly if I accepted the money.

[Anonymous]

What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

Well, I have no idea about the legal aspects of all this but it sounds like this is a "brother conflict" but your dad is trying to make it sound like he is doing you a favor. I'm not sure what you should do other than tell your dad (and maybe your other relatives) that you don't appreciate your dad pretending like he is doing this for your benefit.

I'm also not clear what happens if he gets it and leaves it to you. Surely you can give it to your cousins if you want but I think then someone will have to pay taxes on it.

[Anonymous]

You can’t fix it so give up now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

Well, I have no idea about the legal aspects of all this but it sounds like this is a "brother conflict" but your dad is trying to make it sound like he is doing you a favor. I'm not sure what you should do other than tell your dad (and maybe your other relatives) that you don't appreciate your dad pretending like he is doing this for your benefit.

I'm also not clear what happens if he gets it and leaves it to you. Surely you can give it to your cousins if you want but I think then someone will have to pay taxes on it.

Yes, you understand. This is not for us because we do not want it. My sibling who made the connection between the loan and the company’s sudden success is regretful that he told our father. We didn’t forsee a reopening. It was more like ha, ha remember that bad loan that you and uncle stopped talking over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

[Anonymous]

If the loan wasn’t deducted from ur uncles half then ur dad has a valid legal claim whether or not you like it. It’s not fair for your dad to get screwed twice-once when he got less because he forgave it and once again when he doesn’t get the original split of the forgiven amount OR the benefits of the investment. Say ur piece to fleas and let him do what he wants. It’s none of the grandkids-you or your cousins-business. Stay above it.

[Anonymous]

Fleas=dad. Weird autocorrect

[Anonymous]

If your dad was never compensated for the loan, then of course he should be awarded the investment returns. Why wouldn't he? Just because he tried to convince himself and everyone else in the family that he could look past it back then when he was being screwed over the first time?

I can see why he's furious. I would be too.

I've bought stocks before that have tanked and I wrote them off in my own mind. If they rebound in the future, should I not sell the stocks because many years ago I tried to move on with my life as if I didn't have the money?

And you say that your cousins would be furious if you took the money.. what?? Why? Because they think it's theirs? If I had cousins like that, I would be writing them off anyway and wouldn't care at all what they think.

Your father is being screwed over twice, and you're okay with it. I can't understand that. He sounds like the only reasonable one in your family.