Elderly father destroying family harmony & his legacy in pursuit of inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

Your uncle invested with half his and half your father's money, against your father's wishes. Your father is entitled to the returns, and the fact that your cousins will be upset with you if your father gets what he's legally entitled to is nuts. Your uncle should be able to steal from your father's share of the inheritance to make investments your father wants no part of, and then keep all the proceeds for himself? How does that make sense? How is your whole family on the side of the guy who stole from his brother? Just because this gamble paid off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

Your uncle invested with half his and half your father's money, against your father's wishes. Your father is entitled to the returns, and the fact that your cousins will be upset with you if your father gets what he's legally entitled to is nuts. Your uncle should be able to steal from your father's share of the inheritance to make investments your father wants no part of, and then keep all the proceeds for himself? How does that make sense? How is your whole family on the side of the guy who stole from his brother? Just because this gamble paid off?

No. My uncle invested my grandmother’s money before she died. It was meant to be a short term injection of capital that would be paid back. My father did not know about the loan until after my grandmother died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

Your uncle invested with half his and half your father's money, against your father's wishes. Your father is entitled to the returns, and the fact that your cousins will be upset with you if your father gets what he's legally entitled to is nuts. Your uncle should be able to steal from your father's share of the inheritance to make investments your father wants no part of, and then keep all the proceeds for himself? How does that make sense? How is your whole family on the side of the guy who stole from his brother? Just because this gamble paid off?

No. My uncle invested my grandmother’s money before she died. It was meant to be a short term injection of capital that would be paid back. My father did not know about the loan until after my grandmother died.

And was it paid back? Did your father get his money back? This version is still your uncle playing with other people's money and claiming the spoils for himself, while any losses would come from either your grandmother's pocket, or her heirs and assigns once she passed away. Stop buying into the family line that your dad is the one destroying the family harmony; he's not the one taking risks with other people's money.

[Anonymous]

If the loan was part of the estate "assets" (or whatever they're called), then I'm with team dad. If grandmom had understanding with your uncle that he pay her back (as you say a loan), also with team dad.

If the money was a gift from grandma to uncle, then team uncle wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

Your father is not destroying anything. Your greedy uncle and cousins and delusional self are 100% responsible for that.

[Anonymous]

I would rather have my cousins and my uncle than the money. My siblings feel the same. The money is not a life changing amount when divided between six of us. I told my father that I don’t need it or want it under these circumstances. If my father secretly needs it for himself, he should let us know. It’s wrong for him to pretend that he is fighting for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

Your father is not destroying anything. Your greedy uncle and cousins and delusional self are 100% responsible for that.

Money is not more important than family to me. That is what my father argued years ago when he said to forget about the loan. He is a hypocrite, but I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

So in your version, your dad ate the loss on the bad loan he wanted no part of, and that makes him a braggart.

Now the loan was a good idea, it paid off in spades, and your dad should be cheated out of his half or he's a troublemaker.

What is the family term for the uncle who steals money from a dying woman to make a risky investment, is happy to cost other people a portion of their inheritance when it looks like it's a bust, and then keeps everyone's share for himself when it pays off? Good guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

Your father is not destroying anything. Your greedy uncle and cousins and delusional self are 100% responsible for that.

Money is not more important than family to me. That is what my father argued years ago when he said to forget about the loan. He is a hypocrite, but I’m not.

Said by the person screwing over their own father because they've decided that the money is just a paltry amount that's not worth bothering about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the loan was part of the estate "assets" (or whatever they're called), then I'm with team dad. If grandmom had understanding with your uncle that he pay her back (as you say a loan), also with team dad.

If the money was a gift from grandma to uncle, then team uncle wins.

There is no way to know as it was not mentioned in her will. My uncle often disbursed small amounts under $5k to people that my grandmother wanted to help. She was known to do this. Some were gifts and some loans. My father questioned several disbursements. All the others were gifts. This was a bad loan and not a formal investment. My grandmother would be distraught to see this fighting between her sons. She did not pursue repayment before she died and would probably have just gifted it to the recipient who was struggling with a failing business and young family at that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

So in your version, your dad ate the loss on the bad loan he wanted no part of, and that makes him a braggart.

Now the loan was a good idea, it paid off in spades, and your dad should be cheated out of his half or he's a troublemaker.

What is the family term for the uncle who steals money from a dying woman to make a risky investment, is happy to cost other people a portion of their inheritance when it looks like it's a bust, and then keeps everyone's share for himself when it pays off? Good guy?

Do you force people to take money that they don’t want even if it destroys their relationships?

[Anonymous]

You're trying so hard to be a good cousin that you're being a terrible son. Either keep out of it entirely or support your father. It would be one thing if he wasn't in the right, but every time you provide more details it becomes clearer that he has a right to this money and you've decided his right is not as important as your uncle being left in peace, even though he's behaving badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "wrote I think off' so to speak" mean? Not obvious your dad doesn't have a claim.

I'd just keep my head down and be nice to everyone.

When my grandmother died, my father and brother had a small quarrel over the loan. It looked like a bad investment and my father wanted my uncle to deduct the entire value from my uncle’s half. My uncle was not willing to do that. Eventually, my father made a big deal of saying the loan amount didn’t matter. I know he has brought this up at least a few times as if rubbing in to my uncle that he was the bigger man and could spare the money. Only now that the payoff is coming, he has reopened it.

So, was the loan amount deducted from just your uncle's half, or from both their inheritances equally?

They split the remaining estate equally so my assumption is that the bad loan was split equally. My father was more than satisfied until now as he was able to brag that he walked away from that amount in order to preserve family harmony. Now, he is destroying the harmony.

So in your version, your dad ate the loss on the bad loan he wanted no part of, and that makes him a braggart.

Now the loan was a good idea, it paid off in spades, and your dad should be cheated out of his half or he's a troublemaker.

What is the family term for the uncle who steals money from a dying woman to make a risky investment, is happy to cost other people a portion of their inheritance when it looks like it's a bust, and then keeps everyone's share for himself when it pays off? Good guy?

Do you force people to take money that they don’t want even if it destroys their relationships?

So when your father wins his court case (because he is correct), you should donate your share to a cause you feel strongly about. Not run down your father around your family and to internet strangers for having the nerve to stand up for himself. I agree with the PP that said it's not your father ruining family harmony, it's your greedy uncle and cousins, and you are so intent on staying on their good side you don't seem to care about right and wrong.

[Anonymous]

As many pp pointed out, your dad is right on principle and your uncle + cousins appear to be very greedy and entitled. Why would you want harmony with people like that who had screwed over your dad twice?!