He’s my boyfriend...but they call him my husband/spouse

[Anonymous]

What does your BF think about the whole thing? I think you may have to turn in your Latino card, OP. My Latino husband (not born here) calls significant others “husband” and “wife” when they are cohabitating. Legal marriage is a fairly rare thing in his family, most people only do it for immigration reasons. When we got married it was kind of like “why?” Since they already viewed us as married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Op here and I’m turning 23 in July

This explains everything. OP stop being such a brat.

What does age have to do with this? And how am I being a brat?

The fact that you actually *care* about this speaks volumes. I thought the EXACT same thing when you posted your age. If you were more mature (which usually comes with age and experience), you would either a)not give a shit and live your life, or b) not move in with your boyfriend. Instead, you are upset with your family for treating you and your boyfriend like you are shacking up...which you are. Woman up and deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your BF think about the whole thing? I think you may have to turn in your Latino card, OP. My Latino husband (not born here) calls significant others “husband” and “wife” when they are cohabitating. Legal marriage is a fairly rare thing in his family, most people only do it for immigration reasons. When we got married it was kind of like “why?” Since they already viewed us as married.

Op here and most of my family members became naturalized but in the 80s, 90s and early 2000s. So in my family many of them do not get married for immigration purposes. A lot of my cousins have gotten married because of unplanned pregnancies. And yea if your husband were to valley my boyfriend my husband I would correct him. I never refer to someone’s significant other as their husband if they are not married (unless they request me to call them that then whatever)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Op here and I’m turning 23 in July

This explains everything. OP stop being such a brat.

What does age have to do with this? And how am I being a brat?

The fact that you actually *care* about this speaks volumes. I thought the EXACT same thing when you posted your age. If you were more mature (which usually comes with age and experience), you would either a)not give a shit and live your life, or b) not move in with your boyfriend. Instead, you are upset with your family for treating you and your boyfriend like you are shacking up...which you are. Woman up and deal.

You need to stfu, you don’t know me or my family. Wait till someone calls your significant other the wrong thing. I’m not going to let people disrespect me just because they’re older. Like I said in my other posts, if they don’t comply I’ll stop attending family events. Don’t effing tell me to “woman” up? Wtf does that even mean? Why don’t you “man” up?

[Anonymous]

Two possibilities here:

1. Either your youth excuses your insecurity vis-a-vis the family elders (because this is what this is), and in a few decades you'll laugh about yourself.

2. Or you're truly psycho-rigid and can't let anything go, and it will just get worse with age.

I think it's 1. The elders are riling you up semi-purposefully because they want to throw their weight about with a lifestyle they disapprove, and THEY ARE GETTING SUCH A KICK OUT OF YOUR REACTIONS.

Solution: smile, and return the favor.
"My husband, you say? Now how you getting on with the night-time potty breaks, Mami?" Nice and loud at family gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Two possibilities here:

1. Either your youth excuses your insecurity vis-a-vis the family elders (because this is what this is), and in a few decades you'll laugh about yourself.

2. Or you're truly psycho-rigid and can't let anything go, and it will just get worse with age.

I think it's 1. The elders are riling you up semi-purposefully because they want to throw their weight about with a lifestyle they disapprove, and THEY ARE GETTING SUCH A KICK OUT OF YOUR REACTIONS.

Solution: smile, and return the favor.
"My husband, you say? Now how you getting on with the night-time potty breaks, Mami?" Nice and loud at family gatherings.

Op here and my sister pretty much always claps back at our family members. My cousin who is on dialysis continues to drink excessive amounts of alcohol and continues to do hard drugs (just like my aunt; his mother). He was making fun of my sister for looking “pale” and called her names because of her make up. She told him to “stfu crack head, at least I look pale because of my make up not because I inject myself with drugs” I could never be sad savage as my sister m, but I might have to now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Op here and I’m turning 23 in July

This explains everything. OP stop being such a brat.

What does age have to do with this? And how am I being a brat?

The fact that you actually *care* about this speaks volumes. I thought the EXACT same thing when you posted your age. If you were more mature (which usually comes with age and experience), you would either a)not give a shit and live your life, or b) not move in with your boyfriend. Instead, you are upset with your family for treating you and your boyfriend like you are shacking up...which you are. Woman up and deal.

You need to stfu, you don’t know me or my family. Wait till someone calls your significant other the wrong thing. I’m not going to let people disrespect me just because they’re older. Like I said in my other posts, if they don’t comply I’ll stop attending family events. Don’t effing tell me to “woman” up? Wtf does that even mean? Why don’t you “man” up?

They’re just acting like your family. They see they’re getting a rise out of you and they’re baiting you even more. Ignore. Move on. All the arguing in the world won’t make them behave decently. When they see you’re truly offended, they’ll blame it on your age or say you can’t take a joke and they’re teasing. This isn’t a normal and healthy way to act toward someone you love. Try reading the book boundaries, then set some. Stop expecting them to change if you argue or say the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Op here and I’m turning 23 in July

Let it go. Especially at this age. They were still talking about me when I was in the room at 23! I’m part Cuban. There are relatives on my mom’s side who still call my ex H my husband although I’ve been divorced 22 years and remarried almost two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two possibilities here:

1. Either your youth excuses your insecurity vis-a-vis the family elders (because this is what this is), and in a few decades you'll laugh about yourself.

2. Or you're truly psycho-rigid and can't let anything go, and it will just get worse with age.

I think it's 1. The elders are riling you up semi-purposefully because they want to throw their weight about with a lifestyle they disapprove, and THEY ARE GETTING SUCH A KICK OUT OF YOUR REACTIONS.

Solution: smile, and return the favor.
"My husband, you say? Now how you getting on with the night-time potty breaks, Mami?" Nice and loud at family gatherings.

Op here and my sister pretty much always claps back at our family members. My cousin who is on dialysis continues to drink excessive amounts of alcohol and continues to do hard drugs (just like my aunt; his mother). He was making fun of my sister for looking “pale” and called her names because of her make up. She told him to “stfu crack head, at least I look pale because of my make up not because I inject myself with drugs” I could never be sad savage as my sister m, but I might have to now

Sounds like a lovely family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Op here and I’m turning 23 in July

Let it go. Especially at this age. They were still talking about me when I was in the room at 23! I’m part Cuban. There are relatives on my mom’s side who still call my ex H my husband although I’ve been divorced 22 years and remarried almost two.

12, not 22

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

Op here and I’m turning 23 in July

This explains everything. OP stop being such a brat.

What does age have to do with this? And how am I being a brat?

The fact that you actually *care* about this speaks volumes. I thought the EXACT same thing when you posted your age. If you were more mature (which usually comes with age and experience), you would either a)not give a shit and live your life, or b) not move in with your boyfriend. Instead, you are upset with your family for treating you and your boyfriend like you are shacking up...which you are. Woman up and deal.

You need to stfu, you don’t know me or my family. Wait till someone calls your significant other the wrong thing. I’m not going to let people disrespect me just because they’re older. Like I said in my other posts, if they don’t comply I’ll stop attending family events. Don’t effing tell me to “woman” up? Wtf does that even mean? Why don’t you “man” up?

Nice language. You sound really immature and trashy.

[Anonymous]

OP, the more you post, the more immature you sound.

Honestly, it just sounds like a cultural/ language thing. I admit I don’t understand the word since we don’t use it in my culture but honestly who cares? It would be worse if he was actually your husband but they only called him your boyfriend.
You can’t control what others say or do, only how you react. Getting angry and worked up is just you wasting mentally energy, and it’s exactly what they want.

[Anonymous]

You need to grow a thicker skin. You chose to cohabitate with your boyfriend despite knowing your family's cultural beliefs. So now either own it and let their perceived attacks roll of you your back, or stop having a relationship with them. But you can't have both.

I also come from a Latin culture that refers to any live-in boyfriend as a husband and that's just the way it is. You aren't going to change your older relatives so you need to change your reaction to them if you care to maintain civility.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow a thicker skin. You chose to cohabitate with your boyfriend despite knowing your family's cultural beliefs. So now either own it and let their perceived attacks roll of you your back, or stop having a relationship with them. But you can't have both.

I also come from a Latin culture that refers to any live-in boyfriend as a husband and that's just the way it is. You aren't going to change your older relatives so you need to change your reaction to them if you care to maintain civility.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Totally agree with the above. You want your elders to respect your choice even though the choice you made (to live with your boyfriend while unmarried) is not a choice that your family will ever respect and approve of for you. Living together without the benefit of marriage is disrespectful to their views and how they raised you. Thus, the name calling. Respect is a two-way street - you have to give it if you expect to receive it. You chose not to give it to them by not respecting their values regarding marriage ( no matter how outdated they may be).

[Anonymous]

Get over it/yourself and grow up, OP.