Would you host a stranger if a family member asked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 72 years young. This is the type of thing "back in the day" NO ONE would blink an eye at. We always helped friends of friends or distant relatives or church members or whomever. We have become a very insular society and we only think of our own nuclear family. Yet we complain when our kids have no community and can't ride their bikes to the store anymore. Im not sure what the answer is. Its just something Ive noticed within the last 20 years. My grandmother, mom and myself always had a few "random" guests every year. It was a chance to get to know someone, learn about where they are from, and what kind of things they do. Now with the internet and everyone constantly traveling anyway its no longer considered an educational opportunity/fun surprise its just an annoyance.

+3

[Anonymous]

I would, absolutely, if it was likely she couldn't get to a hotel. Otherwise, if it's just because she's in my city during this time, I would expect her to get a hotel and either pay for it herself or her family should pay.

[Anonymous]

OP, based on your follow up posts, it's safe to say that you're a miserable human being. On some level, you suspect you might be a miserable human being, which is why you're asking for validation on an internet forum.

[Anonymous]

With your facts? 1) young kids; 2) school day; 3) late arrival; 4) stranger; 5) weather was not that bad; 6) you have NO GUEST BEDROOM; 7) there are plenty of hotels in the area:

NO. I would not have agreed. This is an imposition on a family in a small house with existing obligations. Ignore the sanctimonious Grannies who have 24 hr/day spare time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have because I have teenagers and totally get the worry that comes with them driving. Even my oldest (19) who is a good driver I think about on the road all the time. Late at night with sketchy weather is a huge anxiety to me when they are out on the road. I would have loved to give her mom the piece of mind she is off the road and safe.

+1 to this.

OP, you have kids--wouldn't you rather they took the most cautious option if faced with a potentially bad drive at night?

Wouldn't you be glad to know someone was helping them out the way your relative was helping this girl? If not -- would you rather your own young adult child just slept in the car rather than "bother" someone like you, whose entire objection is based on your being a bit discomfited for just one night?

As for "after 10 the roads will be clear anyway": This was all being discussed before 10, correct? Weather this year has been so strange, and so different from one area to the next, that I wouldn't have assumed that after her shift, her particular drive would have been fine. Sure, it probably was, in the end. But you really were eager to say no, and you note that you don't like anyone staying with you. I don't love it either and we have no room but I'd have said yes because I have a DD about the age of that young woman and I wouldn't want her driving if she felt it wasn't safe.

Nor would I be comfortable with her "springing for a cheap hotel room" as you so easily suggest--have you done that lately yourself? Do you know that a basic, safe, decently clean hotel in an OK location is not truly cheap?

I wouldn't take just any total stranger in, but in the circumstances you describe, where I trusted the judgment of the person recommending the guest, I'd say yes.

Your fear that you'd become this woman's "crash pad" if she stayed one night is...based on what? Unless you cut her a key, how could that happen? You'd just say no if that happened. Your crash pad worry was just another reason you found for saying no.

You're owning your choice, but just consider what you'd want if your own child were in that situation.

Would you pick up a middle-aged woman whose car was stranded in snow on a rural highway during an unexpected storm? Road covered in snow rapidly piling up, no plows will come (believe me), no way to know anyone else will pass by but you? I think you'd have left my mom there in her car all those years ago. I'm glad the stranger who stopped to help her didn't drive past her out of fear he'd become her de facto taxi, or out of an assumption there probably was a hotel somewhere near enough for her to walk to through the fields.....

SHE HAD ANOTHER PLACE TO GO. And when my kids are in their 20s, they will be responsible for find their own place to stay if they work 90 minutes from their homes. I would NEVER call someone and ask them to house my friend's child which is the case here. Also, your post becomes more and more insane toward the end. Take a pill. It wasn't a midwest blizzard. I would have picked up your mother and taken her to a safe location. I probably wouldn't have taken her into my home, weirdo.

You are not a pleasant person. Reap what you sow!

I posted above--more and more insanely, apparently. The driver didn't take her to his home. He drove her to our house and he stayed with us that night. And you're right, shouting PP! Revel in your correctness. It wasn't a Midwest blizzard! Worse. It was a southern freak storm that dumped 14 inches of snow in a day, back when forecasting wasn't great, our state had no way to plow many roads, and nobody had cell phones with them. Glad to know you'd have picked her up, but you'd have probably thought we were weirdos for asking you to stay rather than get on an unplowed highway, and you'd have headed out again. And found that the highway was shut down and the couple of hotels were already full, which is what happened. But better to brave the impassable roads than stay in the insane weirdos' home.

[Anonymous]

A total stranger? Not sure. If they are young, female, then I'd feel better about it than say a 25 YO male. (I have young girls and no husband in the house).

[Anonymous]

I would help in a very short term situation like what you described. Unfortunately I do a blanket ban on hosting long term friends of family. We grew up in a very poor area ravaged by all the drug epidemics so I won't be inviting those problems in my home. Worked too hard to leave that place.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you are still stewing about this a month later tells me you know in your gut that you should have made a different choice. Maybe you rationalized away letting her stay and that pacified you at the time, but your consciousness has a funny way of bringing up old wounds with a new clarity.

Listen, you said no. Move on.
If a friend called me with the same situation I wouldn't hesitate because you know what, they NEVER ask these things. Which means if they did, it was really important or few other options. There is no reason to believe this one night would be a regular occurrence, there is no reason to believe this girl would think she was able to do this all the time. She likely didn't even have a say and her parents probably proactively tried to find an alternative to her driving home in bad weather. She may not have the money for a motel room. Basically spending her work shift money on a crappy room. Yeah, she COULD do that and likely did, but if there was a better way (you) why not ask?
Again, you said no. Please just don't come back here and b!tch and moan when someone doesn't stop to help you with a flat tire, or help out your kid if needed. Own that you feel every man for themselves and live accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I would have let them stay with me. It's really just a nice thing to do. It's someone vouched for (not a homeless person like one pp suggested) and they needed a one time favor. I would have absolutely done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you are still stewing about this a month later tells me you know in your gut that you should have made a different choice. Maybe you rationalized away letting her stay and that pacified you at the time, but your consciousness has a funny way of bringing up old wounds with a new clarity.

Listen, you said no. Move on.
If a friend called me with the same situation I wouldn't hesitate because you know what, they NEVER ask these things. Which means if they did, it was really important or few other options. There is no reason to believe this one night would be a regular occurrence, there is no reason to believe this girl would think she was able to do this all the time. She likely didn't even have a say and her parents probably proactively tried to find an alternative to her driving home in bad weather. She may not have the money for a motel room. Basically spending her work shift money on a crappy room. Yeah, she COULD do that and likely did, but if there was a better way (you) why not ask?
Again, you said no. Please just don't come back here and b!tch and moan when someone doesn't stop to help you with a flat tire, or help out your kid if needed. Own that you feel every man for themselves and live accordingly.

She was able to stay at another person's home. She did not get a hotel room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you are still stewing about this a month later tells me you know in your gut that you should have made a different choice. Maybe you rationalized away letting her stay and that pacified you at the time, but your consciousness has a funny way of bringing up old wounds with a new clarity.

Listen, you said no. Move on.
If a friend called me with the same situation I wouldn't hesitate because you know what, they NEVER ask these things. Which means if they did, it was really important or few other options. There is no reason to believe this one night would be a regular occurrence, there is no reason to believe this girl would think she was able to do this all the time. She likely didn't even have a say and her parents probably proactively tried to find an alternative to her driving home in bad weather. She may not have the money for a motel room. Basically spending her work shift money on a crappy room. Yeah, she COULD do that and likely did, but if there was a better way (you) why not ask?
Again, you said no. Please just don't come back here and b!tch and moan when someone doesn't stop to help you with a flat tire, or help out your kid if needed. Own that you feel every man for themselves and live accordingly.

She was able to stay at another person's home. She did not get a hotel room.

Yes. Another person was kind.

[Anonymous]

I arrived at Dulles at midnight after the plane being late by many hours. Complete strangers to me, but friends of my close friend picked me up and hosted for the night. We were all graduate students with no money. They dropped me off at the metro station as my next flight was from Reagan. I would absolutely do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With your facts? 1) young kids; 2) school day; 3) late arrival; 4) stranger; 5) weather was not that bad; 6) you have NO GUEST BEDROOM; 7) there are plenty of hotels in the area:

NO. I would not have agreed. This is an imposition on a family in a small house with existing obligations. Ignore the sanctimonious Grannies who have 24 hr/day spare time.

This. I think a lot of people forget what it's like before they had mansions with more bathrooms than bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

But OP didn't know she would find another HOUSE when OP said "NO"
Now trying to rationalize away the guilt a month later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I arrived at Dulles at midnight after the plane being late by many hours. Complete strangers to me, but friends of my close friend picked me up and hosted for the night. We were all graduate students with no money. They dropped me off at the metro station as my next flight was from Reagan. I would absolutely do the same.

No kids? No jobs? It's not even close to the same thing.