Would you host a stranger if a family member asked?

[Anonymous]

This situation has been eating at me for a month. During one of our wet snow days in March, a close family member who lives out of state emailed to ask if I would put up the daughter of a friend of his because she didn't want to drive home in the snow. She's a young 20-something who lives with her parents about 90 minutes from me. I don't know her but I'm sure she's a nice person. She was working in the area and she didn't want to drive home in the snow just to drive back into my town again the next day. I talked to dh and he immediately said no and I agreed it would be pain because we don't have a guestroom and we'd need to rearrange kids or have this woman sleep on our living room sofa (not a sleeper sofa). We also didn't know if there would be school the next day because the weather really wasn't all that bad. (They cancelled school the next morning anyway.) I told my family member that we weren't crazy about it but to let me know if she had no other options because I didn't want her trying to sleep in her car or anything. He called me later to say that she had a place to go about 40 minutes away but it was clear he really wanted me to take her. He then dropped the fact that her shift ends at 10:00pm so she'd be arriving sometime after that. I told him the roads were pretty much clear by then and she would have no problem getting to the further location. Also, we are usually in bed by 10:00 and I really didn't want to sit around waiting for her to arrive so late. I didn't hear after that so I guess she took the further location.

The thing that gets to me is that I know so many people who fall over themselves welcoming anyone who asks. Even having my in-laws stay over brings me stress. I also can't figure out if this girl's original plan was to drive 90 minutes into town, work until 10pm, and then drive 90 minutes home late at night just to come back the next day for another shift. Would we become her defacto crash pad everytime she was working in the area? Dh was wondering why she or her parents didn't spring for a cheap hotel room. There are a lot of options around and the snow wasn't so bad that the rooms would have booked up.

So, would you house a stranger for the night because a friend or relative asked?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would. It's called common decency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would. It's called common decency.

Is your house full of strangers right now? Because I know a lot of people who need a place to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would have. If I was asked more than once I would change my thinking, but one time, when there is a looming snowstorm, I would have no problem. And I also don't have a guest room -- I would not be particularly inconvenienced by having someone sleep on the couch.

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, I would absolutely hate to put up a stranger. I would have acted exactly like you, OP, and not felt bad AT ALL afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would have. If I was asked more than once I would change my thinking, but one time, when there is a looming snowstorm, I would have no problem. And I also don't have a guest room -- I would not be particularly inconvenienced by having someone sleep on the couch.

It wasn't a looming snowstorm. The snow was over and the roads were mostly clear by the evening. How late would you stay up waiting? 11:00, midnight?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would have and I have done so many times.

[Anonymous]

All the time. I do have guest rooms though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would have and I have done so many times.

You take in friends of friends all the time? Strangers show up at your door?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would have. If I was asked more than once I would change my thinking, but one time, when there is a looming snowstorm, I would have no problem. And I also don't have a guest room -- I would not be particularly inconvenienced by having someone sleep on the couch.

It wasn't a looming snowstorm. The snow was over and the roads were mostly clear by the evening. How late would you stay up waiting? 11:00, midnight?

I would need a specific time ahead of time (10:00 plus transportation time). I agree with you that it would be unreasonable to make you wait up indefinitely while she hung out at work.

[Anonymous]

For one night, looming storm, 20-something female, yes probably.

Anything else - no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would have. If I was asked more than once I would change my thinking, but one time, when there is a looming snowstorm, I would have no problem. And I also don't have a guest room -- I would not be particularly inconvenienced by having someone sleep on the couch.

It wasn't a looming snowstorm. The snow was over and the roads were mostly clear by the evening. How late would you stay up waiting? 11:00, midnight?

I would need a specific time ahead of time (10:00 plus transportation time). I agree with you that it would be unreasonable to make you wait up indefinitely while she hung out at work.

She was working, not "hanging out." Yes, OP, I would have done put her up and don't blame you for feeling guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For one night, looming storm, 20-something female, yes probably.

Anything else - no.

Not looming. The storm was completely over.

[Anonymous]

I would have because I have teenagers and totally get the worry that comes with them driving. Even my oldest (19) who is a good driver I think about on the road all the time. Late at night with sketchy weather is a huge anxiety to me when they are out on the road. I would have loved to give her mom the piece of mind she is off the road and safe.

[Anonymous]

If this was the one time my family member asked me to host someone, I would probably say yes. If they often made requests like this, then my answer might change.

I don’t like driving in the snow myself, so I would probably feel for the girl here.