Would you host a stranger if a family member asked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who are threatening bad karma have no idea what karma is or how it works. Turning down the request is not an evil act if the girl had another place to go.

Who said it was evil? I didn't. I just suggested that OP think about karma in conjunction with this situation. You're the only one going to the hyperbolic. Yes, technically the girl did have a place to go ... an hour and a half away. But you are conveniently forgetting about the snow event that was making the driving dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who are threatening bad karma have no idea what karma is or how it works. Turning down the request is not an evil act if the girl had another place to go.

Who said it was evil? I didn't. I just suggested that OP think about karma in conjunction with this situation. You're the only one going to the hyperbolic. Yes, technically the girl did have a place to go ... an hour and a half away. But you are conveniently forgetting about the snow event that was making the driving dangerous.

Why do you think PP was referring to you? This thread is full of people who are saying or insinuating OP did something horrible when all she did was turn down a last minute request to host someone she doesn't know.

And why are you ignoring the fact that she could have gone to a hotel, or that she actually went to a place 40 minutes away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would have. If I was asked more than once I would change my thinking, but one time, when there is a looming snowstorm, I would have no problem. And I also don't have a guest room -- I would not be particularly inconvenienced by having someone sleep on the couch.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im 72 years young. This is the type of thing "back in the day" NO ONE would blink an eye at. We always helped friends of friends or distant relatives or church members or whomever. We have become a very insular society and we only think of our own nuclear family. Yet we complain when our kids have no community and can't ride their bikes to the store anymore. Im not sure what the answer is. Its just something Ive noticed within the last 20 years. My grandmother, mom and myself always had a few "random" guests every year. It was a chance to get to know someone, learn about where they are from, and what kind of things they do. Now with the internet and everyone constantly traveling anyway its no longer considered an educational opportunity/fun surprise its just an annoyance.

Agreed. I think this is a big part of why so many people are depressed and anxious. No community/support and everyone is on their own. I always say yes. People usually don't ask unless it is really needed.

+1

Orthodox Jews have strangers for Sabbath routinely.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I’d be cringing the whole time, but it’s only for 8 hours and I’d worry about her if I didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Before kids, yes, no problem at all.

With two small kids who sleep terribly, thus early bedtime is critical to all of us, yes only if it's an absolute emergency, which this situation was not.

[Anonymous]

If OP couldn't handle the answers, she shouldn't have come here a month asking what we would do and then get butthurt when we don't completely back her decision. It wasnt just that she said 'no' but the fact that she twisted herself into a pretzel to rationalize why she just couldn't do it!! (maybe no school, no bed) WTF do either of those have to do with helping someone who a family member asked you to. It is NOT like a random person knocked on her door and barged in.
A trusted family member called, made a special request and she said no. Fine. But don't get mad when the majority of us say we would have helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This situation has been eating at me for a month. During one of our wet snow days in March, a close family member who lives out of state emailed to ask if I would put up the daughter of a friend of his because she didn't want to drive home in the snow. She's a young 20-something who lives with her parents about 90 minutes from me. I don't know her but I'm sure she's a nice person. She was working in the area and she didn't want to drive home in the snow just to drive back into my town again the next day. I talked to dh and he immediately said no and I agreed it would be pain because we don't have a guestroom and we'd need to rearrange kids or have this woman sleep on our living room sofa (not a sleeper sofa). We also didn't know if there would be school the next day because the weather really wasn't all that bad. (They cancelled school the next morning anyway.) I told my family member that we weren't crazy about it but to let me know if she had no other options because I didn't want her trying to sleep in her car or anything. He called me later to say that she had a place to go about 40 minutes away but it was clear he really wanted me to take her. He then dropped the fact that her shift ends at 10:00pm so she'd be arriving sometime after that. I told him the roads were pretty much clear by then and she would have no problem getting to the further location. Also, we are usually in bed by 10:00 and I really didn't want to sit around waiting for her to arrive so late. I didn't hear after that so I guess she took the further location.

The thing that gets to me is that I know so many people who fall over themselves welcoming anyone who asks. Even having my in-laws stay over brings me stress. I also can't figure out if this girl's original plan was to drive 90 minutes into town, work until 10pm, and then drive 90 minutes home late at night just to come back the next day for another shift. Would we become her defacto crash pad everytime she was working in the area? Dh was wondering why she or her parents didn't spring for a cheap hotel room. There are a lot of options around and the snow wasn't so bad that the rooms would have booked up.

So, would you house a stranger for the night because a friend or relative asked?

Your response was based on your gut reaction whiether you realize it at the time or not.

Logically, the request does not make sense and when you are presented with illogical scenarios one's gut reaction is to say no,

The 20 yr old has coworkers And she knows those coworkers. So logically, it would make sense in a situation deemed an emergenc wil at work that she herself would ask a coworker who are right here and know of the emergency for assistance. The logical reaction is not to have your parents reach out to a random person and ask on your behalf to stay with them

I doubt the 20 yr old asked that this be done or even wanted to stay with you in the first place and likely voiced the opinion. The person who called you was very likely upset bc they had already been so insistent to the 20 yr old that you would host them and it was the best idea that the person was upset they were wrong.

If the 20 yr old really wanted to stay and felt it was an emergency, he/she would have got your number and reached out to you,

Lastly, if coworkers were not an option, and there was a hotel within a short drive to the job, it would have made more sense for that to be offered first instead of the relative calling you given that the hotel would be a shorter drive.

So basically, it was a illogical and emotion based request and there is no reason to give it any more thought.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m in the minority here but I’d do the same as you. I hate hosting, but I suck it up for friends & family. I would have said no, and I don’t even have kids. I’m sorry but I don’t want a stranger sleeping on my couch.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised how many people think it is easy to afford a hotel -- young kids starting out don't always have much extra cash, and not all hotels let someone that young rent a room.. I also, Having just taught a kid to drive, would want to respect someone's discomfort with driving in snow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As an introvert, I would absolutely hate to put up a stranger. I would have acted exactly like you, OP, and not felt bad AT ALL afterward.

I'm an introvert. I don't use my personality as an excuse for unfriendly behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As an introvert, I would absolutely hate to put up a stranger. I would have acted exactly like you, OP, and not felt bad AT ALL afterward.

I'm an introvert. I don't use my personality as an excuse for unfriendly behavior.

+1

Nor do I use my nature as an excuse for selfish choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised how many people think it is easy to afford a hotel -- young kids starting out don't always have much extra cash, and not all hotels let someone that young rent a room.. I also, Having just taught a kid to drive, would want to respect someone's discomfort with driving in snow.

Me, too. I couldn't have afforded a random hotel room when I was that age.

[Anonymous]

I would have said yes. It doesn't cost anything to be nice and make a favor. Someday you can need help from other people as well.

[Anonymous]

No, and hell no if I had children living in my home.