Would you host a stranger if a family member asked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would. It's called common decency.

Is your house full of strangers right now? Because I know a lot of people who need a place to sleep.

This was a favor to a close family member to help a young person. Not opening my door for homeless strangers. Do you really think it is the same thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never impose on somebody like that and would get a hotel.

Exactly. Were I the girl, I would hate to sleep at a stranger's place!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 72 years young. This is the type of thing "back in the day" NO ONE would blink an eye at. We always helped friends of friends or distant relatives or church members or whomever. We have become a very insular society and we only think of our own nuclear family. Yet we complain when our kids have no community and can't ride their bikes to the store anymore. Im not sure what the answer is. Its just something Ive noticed within the last 20 years. My grandmother, mom and myself always had a few "random" guests every year. It was a chance to get to know someone, learn about where they are from, and what kind of things they do. Now with the internet and everyone constantly traveling anyway its no longer considered an educational opportunity/fun surprise its just an annoyance.

Agreed. I think this is a big part of why so many people are depressed and anxious. No community/support and everyone is on their own. I always say yes. People usually don't ask unless it is really needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im 72 years young. This is the type of thing "back in the day" NO ONE would blink an eye at. We always helped friends of friends or distant relatives or church members or whomever. We have become a very insular society and we only think of our own nuclear family. Yet we complain when our kids have no community and can't ride their bikes to the store anymore. Im not sure what the answer is. Its just something Ive noticed within the last 20 years. My grandmother, mom and myself always had a few "random" guests every year. It was a chance to get to know someone, learn about where they are from, and what kind of things they do. Now with the internet and everyone constantly traveling anyway its no longer considered an educational opportunity/fun surprise its just an annoyance.

Agreed. I think this is a big part of why so many people are depressed and anxious. No community/support and everyone is on their own. I always say yes. People usually don't ask unless it is really needed.

Also, I wouldn't even run it by my spouse and he wouldn't care at all. I am glad I am married to that kind of person.
Married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have because I have teenagers and totally get the worry that comes with them driving. Even my oldest (19) who is a good driver I think about on the road all the time. Late at night with sketchy weather is a huge anxiety to me when they are out on the road. I would have loved to give her mom the piece of mind she is off the road and safe.

+1 to this.

OP, you have kids--wouldn't you rather they took the most cautious option if faced with a potentially bad drive at night?

Wouldn't you be glad to know someone was helping them out the way your relative was helping this girl? If not -- would you rather your own young adult child just slept in the car rather than "bother" someone like you, whose entire objection is based on your being a bit discomfited for just one night?

As for "after 10 the roads will be clear anyway": This was all being discussed before 10, correct? Weather this year has been so strange, and so different from one area to the next, that I wouldn't have assumed that after her shift, her particular drive would have been fine. Sure, it probably was, in the end. But you really were eager to say no, and you note that you don't like anyone staying with you. I don't love it either and we have no room but I'd have said yes because I have a DD about the age of that young woman and I wouldn't want her driving if she felt it wasn't safe.

Nor would I be comfortable with her "springing for a cheap hotel room" as you so easily suggest--have you done that lately yourself? Do you know that a basic, safe, decently clean hotel in an OK location is not truly cheap?

I wouldn't take just any total stranger in, but in the circumstances you describe, where I trusted the judgment of the person recommending the guest, I'd say yes.

Your fear that you'd become this woman's "crash pad" if she stayed one night is...based on what? Unless you cut her a key, how could that happen? You'd just say no if that happened. Your crash pad worry was just another reason you found for saying no.

You're owning your choice, but just consider what you'd want if your own child were in that situation.

Would you pick up a middle-aged woman whose car was stranded in snow on a rural highway during an unexpected storm? Road covered in snow rapidly piling up, no plows will come (believe me), no way to know anyone else will pass by but you? I think you'd have left my mom there in her car all those years ago. I'm glad the stranger who stopped to help her didn't drive past her out of fear he'd become her de facto taxi, or out of an assumption there probably was a hotel somewhere near enough for her to walk to through the fields.....

SHE HAD ANOTHER PLACE TO GO. And when my kids are in their 20s, they will be responsible for find their own place to stay if they work 90 minutes from their homes. I would NEVER call someone and ask them to house my friend's child which is the case here. Also, your post becomes more and more insane toward the end. Take a pill. It wasn't a midwest blizzard. I would have picked up your mother and taken her to a safe location. I probably wouldn't have taken her into my home, weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would. It's called common decency.

Is your house full of strangers right now? Because I know a lot of people who need a place to sleep.

This was a favor to a close family member to help a young person. Not opening my door for homeless strangers. Do you really think it is the same thing?

Very nearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have because I have teenagers and totally get the worry that comes with them driving. Even my oldest (19) who is a good driver I think about on the road all the time. Late at night with sketchy weather is a huge anxiety to me when they are out on the road. I would have loved to give her mom the piece of mind she is off the road and safe.

+1 to this.

OP, you have kids--wouldn't you rather they took the most cautious option if faced with a potentially bad drive at night?

Wouldn't you be glad to know someone was helping them out the way your relative was helping this girl? If not -- would you rather your own young adult child just slept in the car rather than "bother" someone like you, whose entire objection is based on your being a bit discomfited for just one night?

As for "after 10 the roads will be clear anyway": This was all being discussed before 10, correct? Weather this year has been so strange, and so different from one area to the next, that I wouldn't have assumed that after her shift, her particular drive would have been fine. Sure, it probably was, in the end. But you really were eager to say no, and you note that you don't like anyone staying with you. I don't love it either and we have no room but I'd have said yes because I have a DD about the age of that young woman and I wouldn't want her driving if she felt it wasn't safe.

Nor would I be comfortable with her "springing for a cheap hotel room" as you so easily suggest--have you done that lately yourself? Do you know that a basic, safe, decently clean hotel in an OK location is not truly cheap?

I wouldn't take just any total stranger in, but in the circumstances you describe, where I trusted the judgment of the person recommending the guest, I'd say yes.

Your fear that you'd become this woman's "crash pad" if she stayed one night is...based on what? Unless you cut her a key, how could that happen? You'd just say no if that happened. Your crash pad worry was just another reason you found for saying no.

You're owning your choice, but just consider what you'd want if your own child were in that situation.

Would you pick up a middle-aged woman whose car was stranded in snow on a rural highway during an unexpected storm? Road covered in snow rapidly piling up, no plows will come (believe me), no way to know anyone else will pass by but you? I think you'd have left my mom there in her car all those years ago. I'm glad the stranger who stopped to help her didn't drive past her out of fear he'd become her de facto taxi, or out of an assumption there probably was a hotel somewhere near enough for her to walk to through the fields.....

SHE HAD ANOTHER PLACE TO GO. And when my kids are in their 20s, they will be responsible for find their own place to stay if they work 90 minutes from their homes. I would NEVER call someone and ask them to house my friend's child which is the case here. Also, your post becomes more and more insane toward the end. Take a pill. It wasn't a midwest blizzard. I would have picked up your mother and taken her to a safe location. I probably wouldn't have taken her into my home, weirdo.

You are not a pleasant person. Reap what you sow!

[Anonymous]

Op, in the situation you described - absolutely. No question even.

If an invited house guest showed up with a random friend or put me on the spot to host a random person, I would be aggravated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would decline. She can stay at a hotel, I don't like being a crash pad or set up expectations that she will stay with me ever time she would need to work nearby.

Where are you and OP getting this "crash pad" fantasy? One night would set an expectation? You're both very suspicious of others.

Has someone actually tried to do this to you in real life?

This crash pad excuse is just that, an excuse. Smacks of people who are always on the defensive in case someone tries to make a sucker of them or take advantage of them. I can understand that feeling if you've actually experienced being truly taken advantage of, but if not, wow. That's living with a lot of suspicion and defensiveness toward someone you haven't even met.

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert, but I've done this on occasion at the request of my kids, who live out of state but have asked if friends could crash at our house a few days for various reasons.

But we have plenty of space and it's never been the slightest inconvenience. I think you have to decide based upon whether you trust the judgment of the family member or friend making the request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have because I have teenagers and totally get the worry that comes with them driving. Even my oldest (19) who is a good driver I think about on the road all the time. Late at night with sketchy weather is a huge anxiety to me when they are out on the road. I would have loved to give her mom the piece of mind she is off the road and safe.

+1 to this.

OP, you have kids--wouldn't you rather they took the most cautious option if faced with a potentially bad drive at night?

Wouldn't you be glad to know someone was helping them out the way your relative was helping this girl? If not -- would you rather your own young adult child just slept in the car rather than "bother" someone like you, whose entire objection is based on your being a bit discomfited for just one night?

As for "after 10 the roads will be clear anyway": This was all being discussed before 10, correct? Weather this year has been so strange, and so different from one area to the next, that I wouldn't have assumed that after her shift, her particular drive would have been fine. Sure, it probably was, in the end. But you really were eager to say no, and you note that you don't like anyone staying with you. I don't love it either and we have no room but I'd have said yes because I have a DD about the age of that young woman and I wouldn't want her driving if she felt it wasn't safe.

Nor would I be comfortable with her "springing for a cheap hotel room" as you so easily suggest--have you done that lately yourself? Do you know that a basic, safe, decently clean hotel in an OK location is not truly cheap?

I wouldn't take just any total stranger in, but in the circumstances you describe, where I trusted the judgment of the person recommending the guest, I'd say yes.

Your fear that you'd become this woman's "crash pad" if she stayed one night is...based on what? Unless you cut her a key, how could that happen? You'd just say no if that happened. Your crash pad worry was just another reason you found for saying no.

You're owning your choice, but just consider what you'd want if your own child were in that situation.

Would you pick up a middle-aged woman whose car was stranded in snow on a rural highway during an unexpected storm? Road covered in snow rapidly piling up, no plows will come (believe me), no way to know anyone else will pass by but you? I think you'd have left my mom there in her car all those years ago. I'm glad the stranger who stopped to help her didn't drive past her out of fear he'd become her de facto taxi, or out of an assumption there probably was a hotel somewhere near enough for her to walk to through the fields.....

SHE HAD ANOTHER PLACE TO GO. And when my kids are in their 20s, they will be responsible for find their own place to stay if they work 90 minutes from their homes. I would NEVER call someone and ask them to house my friend's child which is the case here. Also, your post becomes more and more insane toward the end. Take a pill. It wasn't a midwest blizzard. I would have picked up your mother and taken her to a safe location. I probably wouldn't have taken her into my home, weirdo.

DP. Are you OP? You are the one who knew deep down it was the wrong thing which is why you're asking DCUM about it weeks after the fact!

I agree PP seems a little cray but you are also a little cray. You never ask anyone for a favor? I am not a favor asker, generally I LOATHE feeling indebted to someone so I will not ask for things, but I can totally see doing something like this and totally would say yes. What is the point of friends and family and community if you can't count on them when you need a helping hand?

There is a huge difference between chronic moochers and a person reaching out once in a time of need.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would without hesitation

[Anonymous]

It would very much depend on who was asking. I have some friends who would be very careful about asking a favor like this, so if they did, I would know it's a big deal and would agree. I have other friends who would see a random post on FB from someone they barely know asking for emergency housing and would offer up MY house, not their own, and for those people I'd say no. Because I would know the situation hadn't been carefully considered.

[Anonymous]

I think for every person who says yes, there are 3 people who were called first and said no.

[Anonymous]

As a one time favor for close friend during an emergency, yes. Generally, no.