husband meeting up with female trainer and friends tonight out of town

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
Know that he got into an argument, so that he
didn’t have to talk to you tonight because he’s
with the trainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He happens to be in Vegas at the same time as his trainer? Those are pretty steep odds, and I know when I was in my 20s, I wouldn’t have met up with a married male client while on vacation. I gotta say, it sounds like some sort of cover story.

Did you tell him that you were uncomfortable with the situation?

This. Not a coincidence.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the pp's who said he picked that fight on purpose are correct. Several reasons. I agree that it let him off the hook from talking to you tonight in his head. It also was probably so he could justify what was going to happen. That he's so miserable, because you're obviously a b****, so it's not his fault. It's all yours. And now he's going to gaslight you when you come back and tell you what you're perceiving isn't what happened. It will make you look like the crazy, unstable wife.

What I would do, just change the locks and tell him he's not coming back in the house. Seriously. This behavior only goes downhill from here. And you're never going to trust him again, no matter what happens tonight. You're going to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Not giving any advice or anything but when it comes to male and female relations their is a big disconnect and it's important for each to better understand common perspective and emotions of each side.

Successful men are driven to have multiple sex partners. They have to battle that natural instinct in order to have a organized and peaceful home life. Under the organized and peaceful home life is a major sexual let down and feeling of inadequacy unless there has been release with a few affairs/hookers or one nighters. Men can love their wives and family more than anything and not be phased by the affair / hookup in the least.

Women usually don't engage in extramarital sex unless it has a highly emotional bond involved. If a woman cheats, it usually means the marriage is already over and she is literally no longer in love with her spouse. A woman carries this outlook and applies it to her cheating spouse because it is the only thing she knows and cannot fathom a mans perspective and hormones.

Not making any recommendations ... But when making decisions that will gravely effect the quality of life and have extensive ramifications it is VERY important to deal with life the way it actually is as opposed to how you believe it should be. Once both partners understand what each other deals with they could actually talk about things that would make them very close and honest.

When you think about it.. The whole "boundaries" and unspoken truths relationships people organize their lives with do not lead to closeness. There is a major wall between most spouses and in many ways the whole thing is just a monetary/management partnership with a good bit of fake posturing.

[Anonymous]

But you ARE a wimp, as you’ve continued to put up with these shenanigans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not giving any advice or anything but when it comes to male and female relations their is a big disconnect and it's important for each to better understand common perspective and emotions of each side.

Successful men are driven to have multiple sex partners. They have to battle that natural instinct in order to have a organized and peaceful home life. Under the organized and peaceful home life is a major sexual let down and feeling of inadequacy unless there has been release with a few affairs/hookers or one nighters. Men can love their wives and family more than anything and not be phased by the affair / hookup in the least.

Women usually don't engage in extramarital sex unless it has a highly emotional bond involved. If a woman cheats, it usually means the marriage is already over and she is literally no longer in love with her spouse. A woman carries this outlook and applies it to her cheating spouse because it is the only thing she knows and cannot fathom a mans perspective and hormones.

Not making any recommendations ... But when making decisions that will gravely effect the quality of life and have extensive ramifications it is VERY important to deal with life the way it actually is as opposed to how you believe it should be. Once both partners understand what each other deals with they could actually talk about things that would make them very close and honest.

When you think about it.. The whole "boundaries" and unspoken truths relationships people organize their lives with do not lead to closeness. There is a major wall between most spouses and in many ways the whole thing is just a monetary/management partnership with a good bit of fake posturing.

Ok. Interesting perspective. Why do you believe that about successful men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you ARE a wimp, as you’ve continued to put up with these shenanigans.

I haven’t continued to put up with anything?! This is the first situation like this since 6 years ago.

[Anonymous]

One question - why would a bunch of women on an girls' trip WANT to have dinner with your husband. That's just weird. If I had a female friend who was a trainer (or anything - accountant, lawyer, hairdresser) and we were on a girls' trip in Vegas and she said, "let's have dinner with one of my male clients," I would say - "why would I want to do that?" Sounds like a truly awful way to spend a dinner on a girls' trip. No offense to your husband, but this is not what normal women do on girls' trips.

Which means something is going on.

[Anonymous]

I. don't think he is having dinner with a whole group of girls, he just said that so it didn't sound like a date. OP it is time to disengage and start doing the 180. Read up on it on survivinginfedelity.com.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One question - why would a bunch of women on an girls' trip WANT to have dinner with your husband. That's just weird. If I had a female friend who was a trainer (or anything - accountant, lawyer, hairdresser) and we were on a girls' trip in Vegas and she said, "let's have dinner with one of my male clients," I would say - "why would I want to do that?" Sounds like a truly awful way to spend a dinner on a girls' trip. No offense to your husband, but this is not what normal women do on girls' trips.

Which means something is going on.

Maybe to have him foot the bill? I left out he’s very handsome and successful. So yeah, who knows her/their intentions. We talked at length last night no one was there , I am confident in that. Started out very heated and got better. His view: the other situations were not affairs, while he thinks I over reacted to the past stuff, he understands. He thought we were beyond this now and didn’t see why it was a big deal. He now understands my feelings on it and the perception if nothing else. We also talked about how odd it is to ask a twenty something group of young women for dinner and drinks when traveling solo and married. Even if completely innocent , it looks bad, is hurtful to me, puts himself in a potentially vulnerable situation, and has set a precedent with this woman that they socialize outside of their professional relationship.

I know you all think I’m a wimp or being played. I do think he was sincere last night. We talked about boundaries moving forward and that If he doesn’t understand why Im feeling this way or why it was wrong and can’t happen again, then we are in a lot of trouble for our future. I don’t know, I believe nothing happened , I even believe she was there on a girls trip , what is concerning is the “ I’ll be there too let’s grab a drink “ mentality on his part. I’ll be watching things closely again. I’m choosing to trust but verify for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
Know that he got into an argument, so that he
didn’t have to talk to you tonight because he’s
with the trainer.

Yes. You asked WHY he told you...

He told you about going out with the trainer - giving you just enough truth so that if he somehow gets caught, he’s covered. Or maybe it’s a kind of self-deception - if he tells you where he’s going then he can tell himself he didn’t lie to you, and heck - if something happens, he didn’t expect it to, it was a complete surprise, and hey...why would he have told you where he was going if he was expecting/planning for something to happen, and blah blah blah. Lying to you, but also lying to himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One question - why would a bunch of women on an girls' trip WANT to have dinner with your husband. That's just weird. If I had a female friend who was a trainer (or anything - accountant, lawyer, hairdresser) and we were on a girls' trip in Vegas and she said, "let's have dinner with one of my male clients," I would say - "why would I want to do that?" Sounds like a truly awful way to spend a dinner on a girls' trip. No offense to your husband, but this is not what normal women do on girls' trips.

Which means something is going on.

Maybe to have him foot the bill? I left out he’s very handsome and successful. So yeah, who knows her/their intentions. We talked at length last night no one was there , I am confident in that. Started out very heated and got better. His view: the other situations were not affairs, while he thinks I over reacted to the past stuff, he understands. He thought we were beyond this now and didn’t see why it was a big deal. He now understands my feelings on it and the perception if nothing else. We also talked about how odd it is to ask a twenty something group of young women for dinner and drinks when traveling solo and married. Even if completely innocent , it looks bad, is hurtful to me, puts himself in a potentially vulnerable situation, and has set a precedent with this woman that they socialize outside of their professional relationship.

I know you all think I’m a wimp or being played. I do think he was sincere last night. We talked about boundaries moving forward and that If he doesn’t understand why Im feeling this way or why it was wrong and can’t happen again, then we are in a lot of trouble for our future. I don’t know, I believe nothing happened , I even believe she was there on a girls trip , what is concerning is the “ I’ll be there too let’s grab a drink “ mentality on his part. I’ll be watching things closely again. I’m choosing to trust but verify for now.

Yes, you are a wimp and are the type that has to learn the hard way. You will probably have to walk in on him banging someone for you to believe it. You are so easy.

[Anonymous]

Not everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Affairs, Children, STD just to name a few!!

[Anonymous]

OO, it sounds like he’s one of these guys who can compartmentalize. He probably was sincere last night in your conversation, but he also was on a path to cheat or behave inappropriately; he pushes the boundaries of what’s appropriate when he has the opportunity. The two are not emotionally exclusive.

He loves you; he wants to be married to you; he’s sincere; he’s not trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OO, it sounds like he’s one of these guys who can compartmentalize. He probably was sincere last night in your conversation, but he also was on a path to cheat or behave inappropriately; he pushes the boundaries of what’s appropriate when he has the opportunity. The two are not emotionally exclusive.

He loves you; he wants to be married to you; he’s sincere; he’s not trustworthy.

Meant the two are not MUTUALLY exclusive. ^^