Do women have a hard time when they marry down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think that education levels/ aspirations are more important than money or SES. And even then, for some “uneven” couples it works just fine.... it would not work for me though...

Pretty sure men don’t give a flying f’ about a woman’s education level beyond a certain minimum. Having been married, I can attest that diplomas on the wall were irrelevant. Even knowledge of current events was less relevant than, say, enjoying window shopping together or showering together. Not minding each other’s bullshit, which in the case of a DCUM woman seems to be feeling life should really have coughed up Cary Grant to her.

I am sure there are men land women like that... however that’s not my case or the people around me. My DH briefly dated a model before meeting me and broke up with her because she was just too dumb... she had a college degree, BTW

[Anonymous]

I could not have married someone without a graduate degree.....sounds shallow.

Yes it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I could not have married someone without a graduate degree.....sounds shallow.

Yes it does.

Not PP. I almost married a man without a graduate degree (though a bachelor from university of Chicago). He was very very smart and successful... it’s not about the degrees...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why this area sucks

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the women that I know, those who married men from a class or so below them are unhappy.

They’re used to a certain lifestyle and when the husband can’t match it, they’re frustrated and unhappy.

The class doesn’t matter as much of the husband is a high earner. But if not, it’s very very hard.

Agree? Disagree?

It's not about money, it's about views, opinions, preferences, habits, customs etc. Those require money to a certain extent but not overwhelmingly.

Let's put it this way. Marry a guy who makes less money? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who thinks children do not need language or piano lessons? Nope. Marry a guy who wears Target clothing? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who never cracks a book open, never goes to the theater or opera, never wants to do anything cultural? Nope.

Marriage is easier when you have compatible views on how money ought to be spent, how children ought to be raised, what is important to check off etc. These views differ very much across classes, and navigating them is hard work. Marriage is hard to begin with, no point making it harder than it needs to be.

I married someone from a different continent, different religion, makes less money than me, but has compatible views on child-rearing and values. We have a good marriage.

This pretty much sums it up. You need to marry someone with similar values and how they were brought up. I could not have married someone without a graduate degree.....sounds shallow....maybe....but we're on the same intellectual level and agree on how we should raise our kids. My DH makes more money than I do, but I have less debt and more investments. It all balances out.

So you would not have married Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, etc.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the women that I know, those who married men from a class or so below them are unhappy.

They’re used to a certain lifestyle and when the husband can’t match it, they’re frustrated and unhappy.

The class doesn’t matter as much of the husband is a high earner. But if not, it’s very very hard.

Agree? Disagree?

It's not about money, it's about views, opinions, preferences, habits, customs etc. Those require money to a certain extent but not overwhelmingly.

Let's put it this way. Marry a guy who makes less money? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who thinks children do not need language or piano lessons? Nope. Marry a guy who wears Target clothing? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who never cracks a book open, never goes to the theater or opera, never wants to do anything cultural? Nope.

Marriage is easier when you have compatible views on how money ought to be spent, how children ought to be raised, what is important to check off etc. These views differ very much across classes, and navigating them is hard work. Marriage is hard to begin with, no point making it harder than it needs to be.

I married someone from a different continent, different religion, makes less money than me, but has compatible views on child-rearing and values. We have a good marriage.

This pretty much sums it up. You need to marry someone with similar values and how they were brought up. I could not have married someone without a graduate degree.....sounds shallow....maybe....but we're on the same intellectual level and agree on how we should raise our kids. My DH makes more money than I do, but I have less debt and more investments. It all balances out.

+1

Yeah, but shallow, worthless women in this area think "oh he has money, I'll go after him". In reality, you don't know who has money and who does not, nor do you know who was raised how. Gold digging women are blinded by money. Long term marriages are long term for good reason, so don't make assumptions if you don't live with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think that education levels/ aspirations are more important than money or SES. And even then, for some “uneven” couples it works just fine.... it would not work for me though...

Pretty sure men don’t give a flying f’ about a woman’s education level beyond a certain minimum. Having been married, I can attest that diplomas on the wall were irrelevant. Even knowledge of current events was less relevant than, say, enjoying window shopping together or showering together. Not minding each other’s bullshit, which in the case of a DCUM woman seems to be feeling life should really have coughed up Cary Grant to her.

I am sure there are men land women like that... however that’s not my case or the people around me. My DH briefly dated a model before meeting me and broke up with her because she was just too dumb... she had a college degree, BTW

I bet she knew damn well how to spend, spend, spend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why this area sucks

+100

Yes, it does. +1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think that education levels/ aspirations are more important than money or SES. And even then, for some “uneven” couples it works just fine.... it would not work for me though...

Pretty sure men don’t give a flying f’ about a woman’s education level beyond a certain minimum. Having been married, I can attest that diplomas on the wall were irrelevant. Even knowledge of current events was less relevant than, say, enjoying window shopping together or showering together. Not minding each other’s bullshit, which in the case of a DCUM woman seems to be feeling life should really have coughed up Cary Grant to her.

I am sure there are men land women like that... however that’s not my case or the people around me. My DH briefly dated a model before meeting me and broke up with her because she was just too dumb... she had a college degree, BTW

I bet she knew damn well how to spend, spend, spend!

I don’t think it got to that point, but my DH was so embarrassed to take her around his friends that it didn’t last more than a couple of weeks... some men (who still enjoy beauty and sex) still need a little bit of brains. He ended up marrying me. Same age as the model (I am 12 years younger than DH), half her height, but in his words, just as pretty . He does not seem to be embarrassed about my intelligence since I am the one revising his work before he submits it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's easier for men to "marry down" than it is for women. That's why you see old rich guys with young, often uneducated, women. The opposite is less common. Even highly-successful, rich, women prefer to marry even richer men, if possible.

There are a million threads on DCUM started by women who are disappointed by their lower-SES husbands. They talk of "losing respect" for their husband's career trajectory or earnings, or apparent lack of refinement. Sometimes his "trashy" inlaws are a problem too. It seems like women are just wired to want a provider, even if they don't necessarily need one.

Yes, I also see this and find it very surprising. They made the choice of who to marry, often make great money themselves and still complain about their DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the women that I know, those who married men from a class or so below them are unhappy.

They’re used to a certain lifestyle and when the husband can’t match it, they’re frustrated and unhappy.

The class doesn’t matter as much of the husband is a high earner. But if not, it’s very very hard.

Agree? Disagree?

It's not about money, it's about views, opinions, preferences, habits, customs etc. Those require money to a certain extent but not overwhelmingly.

Let's put it this way. Marry a guy who makes less money? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who thinks children do not need language or piano lessons? Nope. Marry a guy who wears Target clothing? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who never cracks a book open, never goes to the theater or opera, never wants to do anything cultural? Nope.

Marriage is easier when you have compatible views on how money ought to be spent, how children ought to be raised, what is important to check off etc. These views differ very much across classes, and navigating them is hard work. Marriage is hard to begin with, no point making it harder than it needs to be.

I married someone from a different continent, different religion, makes less money than me, but has compatible views on child-rearing and values. We have a good marriage.

This. I’m tired of disagreeing on everything from what house to buy (not price, style), to what opportunities to offer the kids, where to eat for dinner (bbq or Olive Garden again??? I’ll pass), what to do over breaks, how to decorate the house, and what kind of education the kids should have. He’s a good person but his tastes never evolved past college. Sometimes people’s tastes change with age and experience, but often what you’re exposed to in your youth shows and unless you want to live very separate lives, disagreeing on so much takes a toll. We politely disagree on politics and religion and that’s the easy part.

A lot of posters here are focused on gold diggers, and they’re missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Oh come on people. It's TOTALLY about the money.

Any of you bitches would have married a hundred millionaire or billionaire even if he hadn't graduated from college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on people. It's TOTALLY about the money.

Any of you bitches would have married a hundred millionaire or billionaire even if he hadn't graduated from college.

Sure, as long as he was very smart and interesting to ME. The money is definitely a bonus, but it is not close to be enough...usually millionaires are not dumb (plenty of exceptions I am sure)...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the women that I know, those who married men from a class or so below them are unhappy.

They’re used to a certain lifestyle and when the husband can’t match it, they’re frustrated and unhappy.

The class doesn’t matter as much of the husband is a high earner. But if not, it’s very very hard.

Agree? Disagree?

It's not about money, it's about views, opinions, preferences, habits, customs etc. Those require money to a certain extent but not overwhelmingly.

Let's put it this way. Marry a guy who makes less money? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who thinks children do not need language or piano lessons? Nope. Marry a guy who wears Target clothing? Sure, why not. Marry a guy who never cracks a book open, never goes to the theater or opera, never wants to do anything cultural? Nope.

Marriage is easier when you have compatible views on how money ought to be spent, how children ought to be raised, what is important to check off etc. These views differ very much across classes, and navigating them is hard work. Marriage is hard to begin with, no point making it harder than it needs to be.

I married someone from a different continent, different religion, makes less money than me, but has compatible views on child-rearing and values. We have a good marriage.

This. I’m tired of disagreeing on everything from what house to buy (not price, style), to what opportunities to offer the kids, where to eat for dinner (bbq or Olive Garden again??? I’ll pass), what to do over breaks, how to decorate the house, and what kind of education the kids should have. He’s a good person but his tastes never evolved past college. Sometimes people’s tastes change with age and experience, but often what you’re exposed to in your youth shows and unless you want to live very separate lives, disagreeing on so much takes a toll. We politely disagree on politics and religion and that’s the easy part.

A lot of posters here are focused on gold diggers, and they’re missing the point.

You married down because the man you married never changed to meet your changing expectations.


Uh ... that’s not marrying down. That’s ending up with the guy who was standing right in front of you when you married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on people. It's TOTALLY about the money.

Any of you bitches would have married a hundred millionaire or billionaire even if he hadn't graduated from college.

Sure, as long as he was very smart and interesting to ME. The money is definitely a bonus, but it is not close to be enough...usually millionaires are not dumb (plenty of exceptions I am sure)...

This real estate dude you may have heard of, got elected to political office recently. Shouldn’t be licensed to operate a motor vehicle he’s so stupid. Dates porn stars. Is a millionaire.