Haven't had sex in 3.5 months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don’t understand married couples can agree on no sex for long periods of time. I’ve been married for 17 years and we’ve never gone for more than two weeks. And that’s unusual. Well if you don’t count the six week post partum breaks My husband would be so frustrated. We would be divorced

They don't "agree" it is one spouse (usually the wife) who decides she does not want sex. You are correct this rapidly leads to divorce. If not divorced, it means they are in a de-facto open marriage: the other spouse is most certainly continuing to have sex.

It is not always the wife (maybe not even "usually") and it does not always "rapidly leads to divorce".

As some others have said, sometimes when there is no sex an adult makes the hard decision to tough it out in the relationship so as not to implode the life of a child, to put their own sexual desires on a long-term back burner until the child is grown and then prioritize your own needs. Many will say that if the parents aren't happy the kids aren't happy so you might as well split up, but as in my case the marriage was fine otherwise, the partner was a good parent and mostly a good spouse, so if it's just a sex thing, kid's needs come first.

Right, I covered that, it’s the de-facto open marriage.

I understand that you believe that. However, in my opinion sex is not like breathing, you actually can live without it. I respected my husband and the marriage and did not defacto open it for my own pleasure. I went years without sex and then when my kids were grown I left him and in subsequent relationships had some great sex. I did not want to set an example of cheating for my children to possibly find out about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don’t understand married couples can agree on no sex for long periods of time. I’ve been married for 17 years and we’ve never gone for more than two weeks. And that’s unusual. Well if you don’t count the six week post partum breaks My husband would be so frustrated. We would be divorced

They don't "agree" it is one spouse (usually the wife) who decides she does not want sex. You are correct this rapidly leads to divorce. If not divorced, it means they are in a de-facto open marriage: the other spouse is most certainly continuing to have sex.

It is not always the wife (maybe not even "usually") and it does not always "rapidly leads to divorce".

As some others have said, sometimes when there is no sex an adult makes the hard decision to tough it out in the relationship so as not to implode the life of a child, to put their own sexual desires on a long-term back burner until the child is grown and then prioritize your own needs. Many will say that if the parents aren't happy the kids aren't happy so you might as well split up, but as in my case the marriage was fine otherwise, the partner was a good parent and mostly a good spouse, so if it's just a sex thing, kid's needs come first.

Right, I covered that, it’s the de-facto open marriage.

I understand that you believe that. However, in my opinion sex is not like breathing, you actually can live without it. I respected my husband and the marriage and did not defacto open it for my own pleasure. I went years without sex and then when my kids were grown I left him and in subsequent relationships had some great sex. I did not want to set an example of cheating for my children to possibly find out about.

I am sorry for your painful situation. You had every right to open your marriage. Very few men could (or would) do as you have gone “years” without sex. It’s just not a real option, physically.

And while it’s not true in your case, then stats do clearly show that in most sexless marriages the wife is the refuser.

[Anonymous]

I'm lucky in that I have a neighbor who is a single Dad in the same boat. He's a very nice guy but neither of is right long term for the other and we know it. But every week or so we are able to find the time for a physical release. It's not something for my "brag book" but it works nicely for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm lucky in that I have a neighbor who is a single Dad in the same boat. He's a very nice guy but neither of is right long term for the other and we know it. But every week or so we are able to find the time for a physical release. It's not something for my "brag book" but it works nicely for both of us.

OP here. This sounds ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm lucky in that I have a neighbor who is a single Dad in the same boat. He's a very nice guy but neither of is right long term for the other and we know it. But every week or so we are able to find the time for a physical release. It's not something for my "brag book" but it works nicely for both of us.

This was my solution. I got a good single dad where sex is good, low key, but not as often as I need. Another local single dad didn't work out. I am now treading lightly trying to find the right solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don’t understand married couples can agree on no sex for long periods of time. I’ve been married for 17 years and we’ve never gone for more than two weeks. And that’s unusual. Well if you don’t count the six week post partum breaks My husband would be so frustrated. We would be divorced

They don't "agree" it is one spouse (usually the wife) who decides she does not want sex. You are correct this rapidly leads to divorce. If not divorced, it means they are in a de-facto open marriage: the other spouse is most certainly continuing to have sex.

It is not always the wife (maybe not even "usually") and it does not always "rapidly leads to divorce".

As some others have said, sometimes when there is no sex an adult makes the hard decision to tough it out in the relationship so as not to implode the life of a child, to put their own sexual desires on a long-term back burner until the child is grown and then prioritize your own needs. Many will say that if the parents aren't happy the kids aren't happy so you might as well split up, but as in my case the marriage was fine otherwise, the partner was a good parent and mostly a good spouse, so if it's just a sex thing, kid's needs come first.

Right, I covered that, it’s the de-facto open marriage.

I understand that you believe that. However, in my opinion sex is not like breathing, you actually can live without it. I respected my husband and the marriage and did not defacto open it for my own pleasure. I went years without sex and then when my kids were grown I left him and in subsequent relationships had some great sex. I did not want to set an example of cheating for my children to possibly find out about.

I am sorry for your painful situation. You had every right to open your marriage. Very few men could (or would) do as you have gone “years” without sex. It’s just not a real option, physically.

And while it’s not true in your case, then stats do clearly show that in most sexless marriages the wife is the refuser.

The de facto open marriage thing is not a thing. People really try to sell it here, but that’s not how life works. Your views on women are significantly skewed towards the unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Ima tell you kids something, a little bit of herpes from some casual sex will cause you to rethink the whole FWB, 1NS, etc. concept. And condoms do not prevent it either!

Herpes is for life. Try finding a willing partner when you have to disclose that first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ima tell you kids something, a little bit of herpes from some casual sex will cause you to rethink the whole FWB, 1NS, etc. concept. And condoms do not prevent it either!

Herpes is for life. Try finding a willing partner when you have to disclose that first!

Did you get herpes? Or someone you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ima tell you kids something, a little bit of herpes from some casual sex will cause you to rethink the whole FWB, 1NS, etc. concept. And condoms do not prevent it either!

Herpes is for life. Try finding a willing partner when you have to disclose that first!

Did you get herpes? Or someone you know?

DP. my H gave me herpes. He had it and never told me. I only found out bc he left his ‘other’ email open and I saw an email from stdcheck. He tried to deny it, saying that it was something he did on a yearly basis(std testing). I had always had pain and discomfort in that area but just
Never knew any better. Bad thing is I haven’t enjoyed sex with him in years (6+) and now that I have herpes, I feel that Me ever enjoying sex again is a lost cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don’t understand married couples can agree on no sex for long periods of time. I’ve been married for 17 years and we’ve never gone for more than two weeks. And that’s unusual. Well if you don’t count the six week post partum breaks My husband would be so frustrated. We would be divorced

They don't "agree" it is one spouse (usually the wife) who decides she does not want sex. You are correct this rapidly leads to divorce. If not divorced, it means they are in a de-facto open marriage: the other spouse is most certainly continuing to have sex.

It is not always the wife (maybe not even "usually") and it does not always "rapidly leads to divorce".

As some others have said, sometimes when there is no sex an adult makes the hard decision to tough it out in the relationship so as not to implode the life of a child, to put their own sexual desires on a long-term back burner until the child is grown and then prioritize your own needs. Many will say that if the parents aren't happy the kids aren't happy so you might as well split up, but as in my case the marriage was fine otherwise, the partner was a good parent and mostly a good spouse, so if it's just a sex thing, kid's needs come first.

Right, I covered that, it’s the de-facto open marriage.

I understand that you believe that. However, in my opinion sex is not like breathing, you actually can live without it. I respected my husband and the marriage and did not defacto open it for my own pleasure. I went years without sex and then when my kids were grown I left him and in subsequent relationships had some great sex. I did not want to set an example of cheating for my children to possibly find out about.

I am sorry for your painful situation. You had every right to open your marriage. Very few men could (or would) do as you have gone “years” without sex. It’s just not a real option, physically.

And while it’s not true in your case, then stats do clearly show that in most sexless marriages the wife is the refuser.

Of course it is. You may not like it, but it is an option. Lack of sex will not cause you to die. It's not the same need as food, water, and shelter. You may be frustrated, unhappy, disappointed, but no one will be putting you in the ground for a lack of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married and closing in on 144 months, so 3.5 doesn’t seem so bad.

What? Why?

Seriously.

None of your business.

Oh, we thought it was OK to ask. Are you aware you made the statement on a public forum on the internet?

I’m the OR and that wasn’t me - I answered it on page 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another single mom who would prefer to have sex in a LTR. Threads such as morning sex one are depressing

Yeah, I get it too. I’m a single mom and it’s been a really long since I’ve had sex with anyone. I’m finally just starting to see a guy I really like, and I think we’ll get there in time. I do have a decent toy collection though and that is how I’ve gotten through it without completely losing my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ima tell you kids something, a little bit of herpes from some casual sex will cause you to rethink the whole FWB, 1NS, etc. concept. And condoms do not prevent it either!

Herpes is for life. Try finding a willing partner when you have to disclose that first!

Did you get herpes? Or someone you know?

I got it. And several other people I know have also gotten it. It's real.

It's not the worst thing in the world to live with, but it sure can put a damper on a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ima tell you kids something, a little bit of herpes from some casual sex will cause you to rethink the whole FWB, 1NS, etc. concept. And condoms do not prevent it either!

Herpes is for life. Try finding a willing partner when you have to disclose that first!

Did you get herpes? Or someone you know?

DP. my H gave me herpes. He had it and never told me. I only found out bc he left his ‘other’ email open and I saw an email from stdcheck. He tried to deny it, saying that it was something he did on a yearly basis(std testing). I had always had pain and discomfort in that area but just
Never knew any better. Bad thing is I haven’t enjoyed sex with him in years (6+) and now that I have herpes, I feel that Me ever enjoying sex again is a lost cause.

Get a little therapy.

[Anonymous]

Married. Around 60 months without sex. 3.5 months... well, it doesn’t sound that bad to me