Reply to Haven't had sex in 3.5 months

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I don’t understand married couples can agree on no sex for long periods of time. I’ve been married for 17 years  and we’ve never gone for more than two weeks. And that’s unusual.  Well if you don’t count the six week post partum breaks    My husband would be so frustrated. We would be divorced [/quote]
They don't "agree" it is one spouse (usually the wife) who decides she does not want sex. You are correct this rapidly leads to divorce. If not divorced, it means they are in a de-facto open marriage: the other spouse is most certainly continuing to have sex.[/quote]

It is not always the wife (maybe not even "usually") and it does not always "rapidly leads to divorce".

As some others have said, sometimes when there is no sex an adult makes the hard decision to tough it out in the relationship so as not to implode the life of a child, to put their own sexual desires on a long-term back burner until the child is grown and then prioritize your own needs.  Many will say that if the parents aren't happy the kids aren't happy so you might as well split up, but as in my case the marriage was fine otherwise, the partner was a good parent and mostly a good spouse, so if it's just a sex thing, kid's needs come first.[/quote]

Right, I covered that, it’s the de-facto open marriage. [/quote]

I understand that you believe that.  However, in my opinion sex is not like breathing, you actually can live without it.  I respected my husband and the marriage and did not defacto open it for my own pleasure.  I went years without sex and then when my kids were grown I left him and in subsequent relationships had some great sex.  I did not want to set an example of cheating for my children to possibly find out about.[/quote]

I am sorry for your painful situation. You had every right to open your marriage. Very few men could (or would) do as you have gone “years” without sex. It’s just not a real option, physically.

And while it’s not true in your case, then stats do clearly show that in most sexless marriages the wife is the refuser. [/quote]

The de facto open marriage thing is not a thing. People really try to sell it here, but that’s not how life works. Your views on women are significantly skewed towards the unhealthy. [/quote]

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