The amount of affairs on here

[Anonymous]

"The guy was hitting on my girlfriend I had to punch him in the face because I wanted to stay at the bar but he wouldn't leave!"

"I would have gone to jail if I hadn't lied to the jury about whether or not I had moved that money from one account to another"

"I wanted to win a gold medal and Susie is better then me so I wouldn't have gotten it if I didn't take steroids"

"I was hungry forgot my wallet and would have been uncomfortable if I hadn't stolen that sandwich. Is it reasonable to expect that I should be hungry?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I started dating my husband, I was a serial cheater for years. I had a sexual addiction. When we started dating and I realized that I truly loved him, I suddenly could not stand the thought of hurting him. I stopped. Just stopped. It took a lot of soul searching and for me, a lot of prayer, but I have not been tempted, have not looked, have not flirted....none of my old habits. I honestly have not felt the urge, I feel complete with him, which is something that I realized I had never felt before. Not everyone can stop. I'm aware of this. It's like quitting a drug. Sex is a drug for some people. That's what it was for me. Now, my addiction is to my husband, and although we've been through a lot together during these years, I have remained completely faithful because I WANT to. He knows all about my past, but he trusts me. I have proven myself to him. He truly is the love of my life.

Awesome job!

[Anonymous]

So a spouse can decide to not uphold their end of the vows, be aware of their spouse's unhappiness and dissatisfaction and refuse to address it, but the cheater would be the only bad guy in this scenario?
Sorry, not buying it.

[Anonymous]

Who made you the judge? My dad is friends with his mom's AP (that's how they met). There was not any animosity between families. Everyone knew, nobody discussed it. My grandfather had his own. AP's family helps my grandmother now, that she is the only one left alive (AP died couple of years ago, his wife died ten years before that). All families are different.

[Anonymous]

^His mom's AP's son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who made you the judge? My dad is friends with his mom's AP (that's how they met). There was not any animosity between families. Everyone knew, nobody discussed it. My grandfather had his own. AP's family helps my grandmother now, that she is the only one left alive (AP died couple of years ago, his wife died ten years before that). All families are different.

Uhm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

My estimate is 20% of married people are actively engaging affairs and another 20% have checked out of their marriage and either will have an affair, or have in the past and will again in the future. Just my own estimates but I was in the game for over a decade and I can tell you, there is a whole underground of cheaters who know how to identify and find each other. They hide in plain sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

It’s common in this area, yes. Elsewhere probably not

It's common all across the country. It's just easier in large metropolitan areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

If you can’t see how the Infidelities of others affects your marriage, then you are blind. Your spouse sees how pervasive it is in the DC area, picks up on it and, like a dripping faucet, it eventually may break.

It affects the entire community.

OMG, I never knew that getting some sex on the side was damaging the entire community! Or my poor spouse who just has to join in the debauchery she sees all around her? Drip, drip drip.. Dramatic much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a spouse can decide to not uphold their end of the vows, be aware of their spouse's unhappiness and dissatisfaction and refuse to address it, but the cheater would be the only bad guy in this scenario?
Sorry, not buying it.

Cheater's only the bad guy if they also do something bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice.

Let's try again. The OP of that post doesn't plan to cheat though other posters wouldn't see the issue if she did given her circumstances. I wouldn't call wanting to have a sexual relationship with your husband wanting to have your cake and eat it too, it's actually a very reasonable expectation. I'm not a cheater and I'm not manipulative, I'm just not simple minded.

You're right it is a reasonable expectation of your husband. Choosing to face that reality by cheating instead of divorcing is what is unreasonable. It sucks but cheating is not the answer and has the potential to deeply hurt the children and result in a messier and more damaging divorce down the line.

You are still twisting things to smush them into an easy 'seems right but not really if you think about it' frame of mind. I don't think either of us are simple minded actually. You are a skilled manipulator and I can see through it.

Serious question. Can you see any situation where a couple may be better off staying together, at least for some period of time, while one cheats, instead of divorcing? And please, stop with the, "just ask for an open marriage," crap. To be certain, almost no spouse is going to agree to that and most know not to ask for the trouble it would cause.

It sounds so simplistic to just say, if things are bad, start the divorce process, then separation of a year, then divorce, then an appropriate healing period, then date. Do everything in the right order. Sorry, but life doesn't always work in an orderly fashion. People deserve a healthy sex life, for example. When one partner makes the unilateral decision that, within the marriage, sex has now ended for both, what is the other to do? Have they not been cheated out of one of the best parts of an adult relationship? is THAT OK?

Is divorcing and breaking up the marriage and family always the best answer? Is remaining sexless, angry, and bitter towards your spouse in the prime of your life a good solution? Is there no situation where getting what is missing a better choice, enabling the partner to be happy and fulfilled by the rest of his/her marriage? Successful cheating is not nearly as damaging to all involved than divorce in many cases. It's never the preferred choice but sometimes, it's the best choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I started dating my husband, I was a serial cheater for years. I had a sexual addiction. When we started dating and I realized that I truly loved him, I suddenly could not stand the thought of hurting him. I stopped. Just stopped. It took a lot of soul searching and for me, a lot of prayer, but I have not been tempted, have not looked, have not flirted....none of my old habits. I honestly have not felt the urge, I feel complete with him, which is something that I realized I had never felt before. Not everyone can stop. I'm aware of this. It's like quitting a drug. Sex is a drug for some people. That's what it was for me. Now, my addiction is to my husband, and although we've been through a lot together during these years, I have remained completely faithful because I WANT to. He knows all about my past, but he trusts me. I have proven myself to him. He truly is the love of my life.

Thanks for spreading around the love while you were still in the game.

[Anonymous]

70% of marriages are not monogamous. Why are you clutching your pearls. A marriage without infidelity is the exception. However many people absolutely do not want to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.

But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception.

A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice.

Let's try again. The OP of that post doesn't plan to cheat though other posters wouldn't see the issue if she did given her circumstances. I wouldn't call wanting to have a sexual relationship with your husband wanting to have your cake and eat it too, it's actually a very reasonable expectation. I'm not a cheater and I'm not manipulative, I'm just not simple minded.

You're right it is a reasonable expectation of your husband. Choosing to face that reality by cheating instead of divorcing is what is unreasonable. It sucks but cheating is not the answer and has the potential to deeply hurt the children and result in a messier and more damaging divorce down the line.

You are still twisting things to smush them into an easy 'seems right but not really if you think about it' frame of mind. I don't think either of us are simple minded actually. You are a skilled manipulator and I can see through it.

Serious question. Can you see any situation where a couple may be better off staying together, at least for some period of time, while one cheats, instead of divorcing? And please, stop with the, "just ask for an open marriage," crap. To be certain, almost no spouse is going to agree to that and most know not to ask for the trouble it would cause.

It sounds so simplistic to just say, if things are bad, start the divorce process, then separation of a year, then divorce, then an appropriate healing period, then date. Do everything in the right order. Sorry, but life doesn't always work in an orderly fashion. People deserve a healthy sex life, for example. When one partner makes the unilateral decision that, within the marriage, sex has now ended for both, what is the other to do? Have they not been cheated out of one of the best parts of an adult relationship? is THAT OK?

Is divorcing and breaking up the marriage and family always the best answer? Is remaining sexless, angry, and bitter towards your spouse in the prime of your life a good solution? Is there no situation where getting what is missing a better choice, enabling the partner to be happy and fulfilled by the rest of his/her marriage? Successful cheating is not nearly as damaging to all involved than divorce in many cases. It's never the preferred choice but sometimes, it's the best choice.

Of course there are times when the couple is better off staying together. But it is disrespectful to treat your SO like an infant and refuse to allow them to make that choice with you. You will respond that it is disrespectful for that spouse to be withholding sex. Which alright I suppose given no context about why that might be I will give you. But two wrongs don't make a right, we learn that in kindergarten.

People do not 'deserve' a healthy sex life, I don't know what you mean by that. People want a healthy sex life and in a marriage have a reasonable expectation of a healthy sex life. But you are not entitled to one.

I don't have a problem with a marriage where one person gives the other person permission to have an open sex life, but choosing to do so behind their back removes their choice and that is, hands down, unequivocally wrong.

I think it is amusing this re framing of cheating into this martyrdom where the cheater is taking this risk in order to keep the marriage happy and intact despite the other spouse being selfish and unfeeling. The cheater is not a martyr. The cheater is a dishonest coward afraid to chart their life in a moral and respectful way.

[Anonymous]

Aren't cheaters afraid of STDs and giving an STD to a loyal spouse? And no, condoms don't protect you from everything. Bacteria and viruses get transmitted in all mucous areas.
I think giving an STD to a loyal spouse should be punishable by law.