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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you one of the posters who was trying to shame others who considered affairs when their spouse refused sex for years at a time? Grow up and worry about yourself. Keep your own house in order and hopefully you won't have to deal with the issue of infidelity in your marriage- which is the only one you should feel this strongly about.[/quote]
But why not get a divorce or ask for an open marriage? I agree that sex is an integral part of marriage but affairs aren’t just wrong because of the sex but also the deception. [/quote]
A poster yesterday doesn't want to divorce until her children are out of the house and her husband won't have an open marriage. It didn't sound like she planned to have an affair but who could blame her if she did? Well, the Op of this post would, but aside from that most reasonable folks would understand. At the very least they'd understand that it's none of their business and going around declaring people are horrible just makes them look stupid.[/quote]

You cheaters are so manipulative setting up false dichotomies like that. And FWIW I am neither a cheater nor have I been cheated on.

You are describing the phenomenon of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. That poster yesterday didn't want to divorce and her DH didn't want an open marriage so it is ok for her to cheat? What is that? She can cheat or she can divorce. That is the responsible adult choice. [/quote]
Let's try again. The OP of that post doesn't plan to cheat though other posters wouldn't see the issue if she did given her circumstances. I wouldn't call wanting to have a sexual relationship with your husband wanting to have your cake and eat it too, it's actually a very reasonable expectation. I'm not a cheater and I'm not manipulative, I'm just not simple minded. [/quote]

You're right it is a reasonable expectation of your husband. Choosing to face that reality by cheating instead of divorcing is what is unreasonable. It sucks but cheating is not the answer and has the potential to deeply hurt the children and result in a messier and more damaging divorce down the line.

You are still twisting things to smush them into an easy 'seems right but not really if you think about it' frame of mind. I don't think either of us are simple minded actually. You are a skilled manipulator and I can see through it.[/quote]

Serious question. Can you see any situation where a couple may be better off staying together, at least for some period of time, while one cheats, instead of divorcing?  And please, stop with the, "just ask for an open marriage," crap.  To be certain, almost no spouse is going to agree to that and most know not to ask for the trouble it would cause.

It sounds so simplistic to just say, if things are bad, start the divorce process, then separation of a year, then divorce, then an appropriate healing period, then date.  Do everything in the right order.  Sorry, but life doesn't always work in an orderly fashion.  People deserve a healthy sex life, for example.  When one partner makes the unilateral decision that, within the marriage, sex has now ended for both, what is the other to do?  Have they not been cheated out of one of the best parts of an adult relationship?  is THAT OK?

Is divorcing and breaking up the marriage and family always the best answer?  Is remaining sexless, angry, and bitter towards your spouse in the prime of your life a good solution?  Is there no situation where getting what is missing a better choice, enabling the partner to be happy and fulfilled by the rest of his/her marriage?  Successful cheating is not nearly as damaging to all involved than divorce in many cases.  It's never the preferred choice but sometimes, it's the best choice.[/quote]

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