The amount of affairs on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the deal? I know a lot of these posts and comments are probably trolls, but there seems to be a lot of legitimate cheaters. To the serial cheaters, why are you getting married and having kids? You had to know that you weren't marriage material before you got married. Like "well I am kinda a hoe, so maybe I shouldn't make any vows." Then you just ruin the lives of everyone around you. Like a wrecking ball.

Look, you are pretty horrible people and I don't expect you to listen, but if you're not marriage material, let the people know beforehand. Please don't get married and more importantly have children. Just the avoid the family life. Let someone a better person, that will not make your partner miserable, find love. You are just blocking up traffic. Like the person on the Metro rests their feet on the seat next to them. Move and let someone else have it.

OK, so I'm one of those people. But I was faithful for 20 years and had kids. But ... then I got all broken inside, made bad decisions, had some faulty coping mechanisms. Serial cheater? I only cheated with one person, but it was lots and lots of times.

I sure as hell didn't know when I got married that I wasn't going to stay faithful. I had no idea. I surprised myself. I'd never cheated on anybody up to that point. In hindsight I realized I'd had some emotional affairs and I pushed the boundaries of what was OK before marriage, and maybe even a bit after, but at the time I did NOT have any clue, no idea, and it was only after cheating "for real" and reading reading reading up on myself did I realize that I'd had issues my whole life, that I just didn't know it.

If I'd known then what I know now ... things WOULD be different. I probably would not have married the person I married. And sure, I might be a horrible person. Pretty much, I agree, I'm a selfish, horrible, cheater and I can't seem to find empathy for my spouse. But I didn't know in my 20s.

So you were like: "I am having some issues, well time to crush my family." You were on this planet for twenty years and you still couldn't figure out that you were a horrible person? Like even before you had kids? You just wasted someone's life. Like people only have one of those.

You sound incredibly naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

There’s a certain type of defensive person who reacts by becoming exhibitionist about it. Sort of like the NRA defenders on the Politics forum, or the atheists in the Religion forum. This type of person just has to butt into every conversation, no matter how tangential: “hey, I’m here, notice me!” (Although I should say, I have no problem with the atheists besides this particular behavior, but I do have issues with the NRA folks and the cheaters who wreck families.)

Also, if there’s maybe a dozen (who knows but it’s not 100 even 50) people posting about their affairs here, that’s still a tiny percentage of the hundreds who must visit this forum every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

Sex on demand for super-horny husband is most definitely a chore. I can't believe I signed up for this for the rest of my life. We have only been married a few months, and I already wish that he would get a side chick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This website has normalized affairs to me. I used to think it was rare, but now it seems common.

There’s a certain type of defensive person who reacts by becoming exhibitionist about it. Sort of like the NRA defenders on the Politics forum, or the atheists in the Religion forum. This type of person just has to butt into every conversation, no matter how tangential: “hey, I’m here, notice me!” (Although I should say, I have no problem with the atheists besides this particular behavior, but I do have issues with the NRA folks and the cheaters who wreck families.)

Also, if there’s maybe a dozen (who knows but it’s not 100 even 50) people posting about their affairs here, that’s still a tiny percentage of the hundreds who must visit this forum every day.

I think it is a safe space to talk about your affair when you can't talk about it anywhere else or to anybody else (certainly not your spouse aka your supposed best friend!) and you want to say how great it is. You need to process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

Sex on demand for super-horny husband is most definitely a chore. I can't believe I signed up for this for the rest of my life. We have only been married a few months, and I already wish that he would get a side chick.

Kids? No? Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

Sex on demand for super-horny husband is most definitely a chore. I can't believe I signed up for this for the rest of my life. We have only been married a few months, and I already wish that he would get a side chick.

Kids? No? Divorce.

+1

It's one thing to be turned off of sex when you've had years of problems, or have young kids, but if you're a newlywed who doesn't want to have sex with her husband, you are on a collision course with disaster. You are not going to make him happy, and he will leave or cheat if you don't cut him loose. Find someone who doesn't like sex that much, or someone with whom you enjoy having sex.