I want out of this marriage. I want to scream

[Anonymous]

What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

[Anonymous]

find a job, woman!!

[Anonymous]

If he makes that much you can afford some "shopping revenge."

[Anonymous]

You are typical, bored, rich housewife!
A privileged one in today's world.
Don't blow it all off with your stupidity.
Find a sense and purpose. There is enough misery in this world to fill your days forever. Get to helping others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! The “best you can do” comment was harsh. He’s likely thinking about you as a single mother of 3 little ones. Add to that he makes a lot of money. He likely truly views you in that way. I really don’t know what to say except good luck.

Let's be real - what man pulling in 7 figures is waiting on a single mom of 3 kids under 10? I'll wait.

OP - spend some of that money. Get some full time help. So what if it is because he doesn't want to help? DO IT. Get your life, girl! If you think you would be happier with a broke ass guy who participates, you are deluding yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.

Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.

+1. Many men don't respect their wives once they become SAHMs and stop putting in effort because SAHMs often ARE stuck. My own marriage improved once I got back in shape, got a job, and became a self-supporting adult because DH knew I had options and other men were taking an interest in me.

So much this.

Right, WOHMs get divorced less and little kids love being in daycare

Actually plenty of little kids love daycare.

+1

A lot of kids, especially toddlers, really enjoy the socialization. And there are many studies that show at certain ages it can be more enriching for children to be in a quality daycare.

I agree, but for how many hours a day? 5-6 hours? Sure. 9-10 hours? not so much.

What is your point, PP? OP is unhappy, and needs to find value in her life outside of her home/children. She's clearly in an unsustainable situation. We get it, you want to be a dependent doormat. She doesn't.

I don't want her to be a dependent doormat, but I don't think the other extreme to "get her power back" is the answer either. For her or her kids. Part time daycare and part time work sound ideal, and she is lucky to be in the position to pursue that avenue.

Sorry but the only women who can actually get part time work that pays decent money and has the flexibility to fit within a school schedule are those who actually worked full time before. I’ve seen it time and again. Working full time actually gives you the flexibility you need later on, assuming you prove yourself in the workplace.
OP quit her job. She’s unlikely to find a good fit with a part time job.
Although if DH makes enough it may not matter that they have to pay for full time day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are typical, bored, rich housewife!
A privileged one in today's world.
Don't blow it all off with your stupidity.
Find a sense and purpose. There is enough misery in this world to fill your days forever. Get to helping others.

Amen to this! Product of "All about me," culture. Guess what, life is hard, like is not just about you. It is about your family, your parents, your kids, your husband. What exactly do you think other parents talk about after 10 years? Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is an actual institution that takes a lot of effort. Are you making some effort in your marriage? My SIL did the same thing, right around 10 years of marriage, bcs her DH wasn't emotionally there for her. That is true, he wasn't, and he was selfish and didn't know how to change. He earned the money and he thought that is all he needs to do. Yes, he was wrong, but so was she. He now earns couple of mil per year, and by court's order, her alimony payments are done in a few months. She is thinking about food stamps, she has a business that was paid by money he earned, no money left for her salary and her kids are a total mess. (Psych ward mess) We all know it was bcs mom and dad played a game of is he doesn't take care of kids today, I won't tomorrow. I am guessing you go around threatening to divorce every few months. In words of Melania Trump(BTW, thanks Melania!) either do or don't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

With a DH earning 2m a year, I am sure she has help.

[Anonymous]

I have 3, and our 10 year is coming up.

Sorry if I missed it, but hold is your youngest?

Life is definitely hard right now but with our youngest at almost a year old, we are starting to come out of the crazy.

It’s going to get better. You just need a nap. When I’m tired, I say the most hurtful/stupid things. If I get a good night’s sleep, my attitude is cured. If I get a terrible night, the attitude continues, unfortunately.

Before you blame only DH, figure out how to love yourself enough to take a break. You should spend 1/5 of your time on yourself. 1/5 on each family member.

You take care of them, but who’s going to take care of you? Don’t wait for DH. YOU take care of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like older generations accepted that life can be hard , boring and miserable in phases. Social media is loaded with whining. The whole idea people get that their life is supposed to be so fulfilling doesn't seem to be actually making people happy. Seems like more are bitchy, angry, frustrated or demoralized.

I absolutely agree. There are no "likes" in the real life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. No one should be devalued and made to feel like they are worthless but you are in a very privileged position.

You are a SAHM mom of 3 kids with part-time help and a husband who makes 2m a year. At least one child is in school, if not two. You can have the time and resources to develop a plan to make this better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is quite extreme to have 2 full time working parents when you have 3 kids under 10.

You're nuts.

+1. This PP's entitlement is breathtaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are typical, bored, rich housewife!
A privileged one in today's world.
Don't blow it all off with your stupidity.
Find a sense and purpose. There is enough misery in this world to fill your days forever. Get to helping others.

Amen to this! Product of "All about me," culture. Guess what, life is hard, like is not just about you. It is about your family, your parents, your kids, your husband. What exactly do you think other parents talk about after 10 years? Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is an actual institution that takes a lot of effort. Are you making some effort in your marriage? My SIL did the same thing, right around 10 years of marriage, bcs her DH wasn't emotionally there for her. That is true, he wasn't, and he was selfish and didn't know how to change. He earned the money and he thought that is all he needs to do. Yes, he was wrong, but so was she. He now earns couple of mil per year, and by court's order, her alimony payments are done in a few months. She is thinking about food stamps, she has a business that was paid by money he earned, no money left for her salary and her kids are a total mess. (Psych ward mess) We all know it was bcs mom and dad played a game of is he doesn't take care of kids today, I won't tomorrow. I am guessing you go around threatening to divorce every few months. In words of Melania Trump(BTW, thanks Melania!) either do or don't!

+1