Allowing adult son to move back in? What is fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

Wow, for 18 years you "allowed" your child to live with you rent free? The child you were legal guardian of? Are you out of your mind?

Do you think he's going to jump right into this government job or perhaps he'll need to fall bac on the service industry to pay you rent?

You sound like a witch.

Yeah I’m starting to think this can’t be real. And you can’t incur a few extra bucks a month for “basic expenses” for your son yet he should be grateful to pay you “below market” rent for an expensive neighborhood he didn’t ask you to choose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

I'm fine with the rent, but you are doing too much micromanaging with the curfew and trying to dictate what kind of job he is allowed to have - you know, to pay the rent you are charging? This doesn't sound like a good idea.

[Anonymous]

OP I can totally understand why you wouldn't want your upper NW neighbors seeing your son working in the service industry. Better to hide him in the basement and have him play video games all night instead, definitely.

In the meantime, why don't you advertise your room for your below-market rent and curfew? See what the response is. Maybe you'll get a better tenant then your son will be, and you can give him the rent money to get his own place. You get a tenant you like better, your son gets the subsidy he needs, it's a win all around.

Or you could buy him a reliable car and repay him for his family trip - maybe that will give his budget the breathing room it need.

Lots of ways to help your child. Sometimes they need more than 18 years of free rent from their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

Must be a troll. No way OP chose to have a child to raise and now considers that a "rent free" benefit. A real poster would not be counting the kid's participation in a family vacation against this kid.

[Anonymous]

Don't charge him rent OP- he is 23 straight out of college. If he was 28 then yes make him pay.

[Anonymous]

Don't charge rent, do tell them that they are welcome back home but the condition is that they must contribute $500/month to their IRA. This way the break they are getting on expenses actually benefits them in the long run. I have to agree with other posters, you do sound incredibly cold and stingy for a mother. A parent does everything and more to set up their kid for success, you on the other hand are patting yourself on the back for "allowing" him to live with you for 18 years. I feel sorry for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP you sound like a straight up shitty parent. Are you serious with this??? Your poor son. Get some freaking perspective, you creep

[Anonymous]

My 24 YO lives at home (after college and grad school). DC has a good job but is saving money to be able to move to a more expensive city. We are not charging rent - that seems silly. We don't need the money, and DC does. It's not like we are otherwise forgoing room rent because DC is living in it. We don't have a curfew although DCs job is 8:30-5 so doesn't require late hours and DC is not a partier so late nights are not an issue. Of course we have basic expectations about helping out, and we aren't doing DCs laundry or anything like that.

OP, if you are struggling for money then maybe expecting rent is fair once your DC has a job. You might want to allow some flexibility to make sure you don't incentive DC to take a service job to pay the rent at the expense of getting a more career oriented job.

[Anonymous]

The way I would do it is that you give him a certain time limit of "rent free" living at home, say 6 months. That allows him to move home and have some time to look for a job, settle back down, get a routine going, etc. After that, rent will be up to 40% of his paycheck or a fare rent for a room (not necessarily in your neighborhood) whichever is lower, so say up to 40% of his paycheck or $600 whichever is lower. Bank the rent in a separate interest earning account. If enough is deposited, get a CD or something with better interest return. After he moves out, the next major expense that he has (buying a new car, buying a house, a wedding, etc), tell him that the money is there for him whenever he wants it. If he wants to continue to save it, change the name on the account to his and that will be his emergency fund for whatever he wants to use it for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

Must be a troll. No way OP chose to have a child to raise and now considers that a "rent free" benefit. A real poster would not be counting the kid's participation in a family vacation against this kid.

Agree. This can't be a real situation. She/he says they were *allowed* to live rent free as children?? I am leaving this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

Must be a troll. No way OP chose to have a child to raise and now considers that a "rent free" benefit. A real poster would not be counting the kid's participation in a family vacation against this kid.

Agree. This can't be a real situation. She/he says they were *allowed* to live rent free as children?? I am leaving this thread.

Agree. So OP, you established this contract about living independently at 18 with your newborn? Even a 12 year old should not be expected to pay rent, or feel like they are living "rent free" in their parents home. If you choose to have a child, you also should be prepared to support their basic housing, food and clothing needs.

I posted above that my DC lives at home. The additional "supplies" are pretty insignificant. Yes there is some food, but DC also buys groceries on occasion. TP usage I suppose, but that's not a huge expense. What supplies are you expecting to see a spike in? If there are specific things then maybe ask DC to contribute to those or provide his own.

[Anonymous]

I am truly shocked by the number of people who would let their adult children move in, hassle-free, rent-free, curfew free. Hope you don't end up with a permanent kid in the basement. Lazy moochers will take advantage.

[Anonymous]

You are awful parents because you want to charge rent.
You should not profit from your son.

See the thread here about the father that wasn't sure if he should pay college for his estranged son. The consensus is that he should.

You should just give him a place to live with no strings attached. It is your responsibility because he is your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

"For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently."

You sound HORRIBLE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

When he was under 18, you were not doing him a favor by not charging him rent as a CHILD.

I think you should charge $300 to account for utilities and food but I don't think you should give it back, he can figure that out Also, he may need a service industry job while looking for something more permanent, how else is he supposed to pay you?