Allowing adult son to move back in? What is fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe any parents would charge their kid rent. Your house, your rules— as long as your 23 year old isn’t showing up drunk and stoned and banging around at 3am I don’t see why he would need a curfew. Let him get back on his feet, find a good government job and save up so he can move out. I’m sure he isn’t wanting to live in your house long term.

Get back to us when your 35 year old spends his days blogging from your basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe any parents would charge their kid rent. Your house, your rules— as long as your 23 year old isn’t showing up drunk and stoned and banging around at 3am I don’t see why he would need a curfew. Let him get back on his feet, find a good government job and save up so he can move out. I’m sure he isn’t wanting to live in your house long term.

Get back to us when your 35 year old spends his days blogging from your basement.

[Anonymous]

This is crazy to me. We have grown kids. All very independent. One of them moved back in with us for four months after his seven year relationship ended. He needed time to regroup. It never occurred to me to charge my own son rent. He is doing great now. He just needed some time to figure out what he wanted to do. He and his fiance owned a business together so after they broke up, he literally had to start over. Signing a year lease on an apartment made no sense when he didn't even know where he would be living. We loved having him home for a few months.

[Anonymous]

I have 23-year-old boy/girl twins so I understand this cohort.

I liked the PP's suggestion to save the rent he gives you and offer it to him later. He can use that for first and last month's rent, down payment, etc.

My recommendations:

Charge $300-$400 and bank it for him
No curfew but respect for household members
Time frame before having to move out

It is extremely tough to find work. It took my DD 17 months to get a GS-7 position, and that was with excellent grades, a government internship, a private internship, and glowing recommendations from professionals in her field. She was down on herself for a while as she toiled in food service to make ends meet. Please be patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe any parents would charge their kid rent. Your house, your rules— as long as your 23 year old isn’t showing up drunk and stoned and banging around at 3am I don’t see why he would need a curfew. Let him get back on his feet, find a good government job and save up so he can move out. I’m sure he isn’t wanting to live in your house long term.

Get back to us when your 35 year old spends his days blogging from your basement.

We’re talking 23 year old. This conversation would be very different if it was about 35 year old deadbeat.

[Anonymous]

Charge rent but save it in an account to be returned to him when he gets a job and moves out. Set ground rules about the use of your cars, noise, overnight guests, alcohol, keeping kitchen clean, laundry, helping with yard work. Curfew is a good idea. It's your home, your rules.
Personally, I would encourage him to get a commission in the armed services and serve his country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 23-year-old boy/girl twins so I understand this cohort.

I liked the PP's suggestion to save the rent he gives you and offer it to him later. He can use that for first and last month's rent, down payment, etc.

My recommendations:

Charge $300-$400 and bank it for him
No curfew but respect for household members
Time frame before having to move out

It is extremely tough to find work. It took my DD 17 months to get a GS-7 position, and that was with excellent grades, a government internship, a private internship, and glowing recommendations from professionals in her field. She was down on herself for a while as she toiled in food service to make ends meet. Please be patient.

+1

Getting a job is not as easy as you think it is, OP. 17months for a GS-7 job with great credentials seems about standard. What kind of non-server work experience does he have? Maybe he could intern somewhere while looking for another job. You sound a little hard on him considering he isn't in his mid 20s yet.

Also $500-600 is a little steep to live in a group house in upper northwest. Except it's worse than a regular group house because instead of being with other young adults he's living with his parents. I agree with PP that $300-$400 is more reasonable. Finally, you can do either curfew and no rent OR no curfew and rent. People who pay rent aren't subject to curfew that's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I would tuck the "rent" money away and give it to him when he leaves to get him started in his own place. I also feel you can't charge rent AND demand a curfew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charge rent but save it in an account to be returned to him when he gets a job and moves out. Set ground rules about the use of your cars, noise, overnight guests, alcohol, keeping kitchen clean, laundry, helping with yard work. Curfew is a good idea. It's your home, your rules.
Personally, I would encourage him to get a commission in the armed services and serve his country.

Have you ever been a renter? Did you have to follow a bunch of rules about drinking, overnight guests, and curfew? Although I do agree that chores/cleanliness seems like regular roommate stuff.

Also in addition to armed forces, your son should look into the peace corps as they also get special consideration for federal jobs and don't run the risk of being involved in a ground invasion of North Korea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't charge rent.

My parents charged me rent after college -- but then gave it all back after I moved out 10 months later.

[Anonymous]

What we did with our kid who moved back after college:

No curfew or similar rules. Had they become disrespectful in some way we would have addressed that then.

$300 a month in rent . We wanted them to be able to save a while living with us.

We gave them an 18 month deadline. One was out in 6 months . The other after a year.

[Anonymous]

3 months free

$500 a month after that

Put the money into an account


Give him the money as a wedding or house warming gift when he buys a house.

Just be yourself ... he will move out within the year.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a horror story in the making...of an adult son who never leaves the nest. OP, you need to psychologically prepare yourself in case your son turns out to just simply lack self-motivation. And as a parent, it's one of the hardest things to admit, but you can't change your child's qualities. If they're lazy, they're lazy. If they are bad with money, they're bad with money. I know so many examples of good, successful parents who turn out to have average, not-very-successful adult children and it's a sad reality.

[Anonymous]

Rent for your own child? He is your son help him out.
10pm curfew? lol he is 23. If you insist on having him pay rent then you don't get to ask demand a curfew. Help him and don't make it horrible to live with you.

[Anonymous]

Assuming you don't need the rent money, charge him the few hundred bucks and then stash it away until he needs money for getting a place of his own. Nothing wrong with helping your adult kids.