Allowing adult son to move back in? What is fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No curfew and I'd put the $500 each month in an account for him to use as a cushion of deposit and set up for his place when he moves out

This is actually a pretty great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am truly shocked by the number of people who would let their adult children move in, hassle-free, rent-free, curfew free. Hope you don't end up with a permanent kid in the basement. Lazy moochers will take advantage.

If your 23 year recent college graduate is a moocher I think that reflects more on your parenting than anything else.

When I lived with my parents for one year after college, it was purely about getting established in my new job and saving enough money to be comfortable in my new adult life. I realized, and still realize, how lucky I was to do so. No one I know lived with their parents for an excessive period of time. It’s really not cool or fun after a year or so, as much as I loved my family. I wanted to be out on my own and see no indication why OP’s son wouldn’t want the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am truly shocked by the number of people who would let their adult children move in, hassle-free, rent-free, curfew free. Hope you don't end up with a permanent kid in the basement. Lazy moochers will take advantage.

If your 23 year recent college graduate is a moocher I think that reflects more on your parenting than anything else.

When I lived with my parents for one year after college, it was purely about getting established in my new job and saving enough money to be comfortable in my new adult life. I realized, and still realize, how lucky I was to do so. No one I know lived with their parents for an excessive period of time. It’s really not cool or fun after a year or so, as much as I loved my family. I wanted to be out on my own and see no indication why OP’s son wouldn’t want the same.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am truly shocked by the number of people who would let their adult children move in, hassle-free, rent-free, curfew free. Hope you don't end up with a permanent kid in the basement. Lazy moochers will take advantage.

If your 23 year recent college graduate is a moocher I think that reflects more on your parenting than anything else.

When I lived with my parents for one year after college, it was purely about getting established in my new job and saving enough money to be comfortable in my new adult life. I realized, and still realize, how lucky I was to do so. No one I know lived with their parents for an excessive period of time. It’s really not cool or fun after a year or so, as much as I loved my family. I wanted to be out on my own and see no indication why OP’s son wouldn’t want the same.

+1

+2

There's also no indication that OP's son is a moocher since he was attempting to work and pay his own bills prior to having a few setbacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am truly shocked by the number of people who would let their adult children move in, hassle-free, rent-free, curfew free. Hope you don't end up with a permanent kid in the basement. Lazy moochers will take advantage.

My DC lives at home. Employed at a full time professional job but living at home to save money and because DC wants to move so doesn't want to sign a long term lease. Several of DCs friends are also living at home but all are employed in good jobs and it's temporary. A kid wanting to move home for a few months does not mean they are video game playing druggies living in the basement. It means the cost of living here is very high, even in a group house or apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I'm surprised so many people are so surprised with rent. For 18 years we allowed him to live here rent free with the understanding that after he would be expected to live independently. Having him live with us would cost us more (more basic supplies, etc) so I think it is fair to pass these costs down to him.

I feel as though $500 is very fair, well below market rate for our neighborhood.

As for the curfew, it's not only just for respect, but also because I don't want him falling back on the service industry. Most restaurants have late hours and expect their employees to stay until 11-12 o'clock.

Must be a troll. No way OP chose to have a child to raise and now considers that a "rent free" benefit. A real poster would not be counting the kid's participation in a family vacation against this kid.

Agree. This can't be a real situation. She/he says they were *allowed* to live rent free as children?? I am leaving this thread.

I almost spit out my coffee, this must be a joke. I'm all for kids launching and learning to be independent, and not free loaders, but this is extreme.

[Anonymous]

Charge rent. Have a curfew. Make him buy his own food. Have lots of rules.

YOU WANT THIS TO SUCK so he gets a job and moves out!

[Anonymous]

I had no idea people had such vehement opinions on this, but I'm from the camp of charge a modest rent and save it for when DS moves out.

I moved home for a year when I was 23/24. I had been out of college for 2 years and had shared a house with multiple roommates but everyone was heading their own way, and I could not afford to live on my own with my salary from a job at a non-profit.

My parents charged me $400/month (in 1999), which allowed me to save some money towards grad school (the rent was about what I paid in the group house, but I didn't have utilities and I could eat at home). When I moved out to go to grad school, my parents gave me the $4k in rent I had paid them (it was a surprise to me). It was a huge help for starting school and having a little emergency cushion. It also kept me in the mindset of budgeting for rent and not getting used to overspending.

I did not have a curfew, but I was expected to tell my parents approximately when I would be home. If I was going to be very late, I would call and tell them, so they would not worry. I was expected to generally act civilized (keep my room reasonably clean, put dishes in the dishwasher, etc), but there were no real rules.

[Anonymous]

I was charged rent when I returned home. And I agreed to pay the cable/ Internet/ phone bill on top of rent. And I’m still paying the Internet/ cable/ phone bill and I have zero problems with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe any parents would charge their kid rent. Your house, your rules— as long as your 23 year old isn’t showing up drunk and stoned and banging around at 3am I don’t see why he would need a curfew. Let him get back on his feet, find a good government job and save up so he can move out. I’m sure he isn’t wanting to live in your house long term.

Get back to us when your 35 year old spends his days blogging from your basement.

We’re talking 23 year old. This conversation would be very different if it was about 35 year old deadbeat.

Really? What's your cut-off? If 23 is acceptable, is 25?

[Anonymous]

Ok charging rent is fine as long as you give that money back to him once he gets his act together - do you like that idea OP?

[Anonymous]

Agree it's shitty parenting to have a kid that doesn't move out, but I'm the pp who was surprised everyone was so cool with the idea. I'm sure my parents thought it would be a temporary situation when my now 40 year old brother decided to chill in the basement. He's not playing video games or doing drugs, he's just completely incapable of supporting himself and they've enabled that behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't charge rent.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree it's shitty parenting to have a kid that doesn't move out, but I'm the pp who was surprised everyone was so cool with the idea. I'm sure my parents thought it would be a temporary situation when my now 40 year old brother decided to chill in the basement. He's not playing video games or doing drugs, he's just completely incapable of supporting himself and they've enabled that behavior.

Surely, you realize that there is a difference between a 23 and a 40 year old.

If you look at the data more millenials are temporarily living at home but still permanently move out: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.businessinsider.com/millennials-living-at-home-state-map-2017-5

Additionally if you look at the map the highest proportion of millenials living at home is where the housing costs are the highest (NY, MA, CA).

[Anonymous]

I lived at home for two years while attending graduate school. I looked forward to moving out, having lived away since high school. However, I couldn’t afford to be a student any other way and this setup and a part-time job kept my school loans manageable. I paid all my personal expenses including health and auto insurance. I also followed all my parents’ house rules since I was living in their house. It was actually nice to spend time again with my family as an adult and I could help them in ways I didn’t in high school. They didn’t charge me rent, which I appreciated because it allowed me to pay for everything else and not take on more debt.