DH doesn’t want to spend time with my family and was rude about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

Wow. You are pathologically cold. They are freaking children.

I'm aware they ar children doesn't mean I have to love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

Er, no. I'm not this PP, but they aren't your family unless you welcome them as such. It's great that you and your DH both enjoy the other's family, and have thus accepted them as your own family, but it's not always this way. In some cases, a niece is just a kid that a random woman had with the brother of your wife, as in the case above. He's not obligated to spend his time with a child because of two marriages. And maybe he just doesn't really like the mother, or the kid, or the father (BIL). Who knows.

Wow it makes me so sad and freaked out for humanity that you could disdain a child b.c you have some beef with the kids parents. That's so cold hearted.

Do you really think your SIl or BIL is going to go out of their way to make sure you see your niece and nephew if you and DH split up? Not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

Er, no. I'm not this PP, but they aren't your family unless you welcome them as such. It's great that you and your DH both enjoy the other's family, and have thus accepted them as your own family, but it's not always this way. In some cases, a niece is just a kid that a random woman had with the brother of your wife, as in the case above. He's not obligated to spend his time with a child because of two marriages. And maybe he just doesn't really like the mother, or the kid, or the father (BIL). Who knows.

Wow it makes me so sad and freaked out for humanity that you could disdain a child b.c you have some beef with the kids parents. That's so cold hearted.

Do you really think your SIl or BIL is going to go out of their way to make sure you see your niece and nephew if you and DH split up? Not going to happen.

Big deal..the child has its own parents. Why the hatred towards the PP just cos she's not a fan of all kids? This is terrible...think about it, as a parent you only love your children. You don't love other people's children even though they're children. Why should it be any different for the PP? No one is hurting any child or being abusive so please have some perspective!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex was SUPER dismissive of my family. Like everything would go great at a get together, then in the car after he'd freak out about getting together with them. We'd hang with his family just as much and I never said anything negative.

In retrospect I think he was jealous because his family (not him) were all fairly trashy and uneducated, compared to my normal, moderately successful middle class family.

Or, your family’s just not as super amazing awesome as you think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

Wow. You are pathologically cold. They are freaking children.

I'm aware they ar children doesn't mean I have to love them.

This must be a cultural issue. Are you a WASP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and SIL asked to spend time with DH and I this weekend. I casually mentioned to DH how I was hoping my niece may make him want to have a baby, hoping to make him laugh I asked DH last night if he wanted to spend time with them and he said exasperatedly: “you may want to spend every weekend with your family but I do not. Also, your niece is cute but doesn’t really change anything for me nor do I feel close to her because she’s not my blood relative.”

Ouch. He then proceeded to complain that I spent last weekend away with my mom, and it was my dads birthday the week before (which he did not attend!), and how he had also made dinner for my parents that week and “that’s about all I can handle of your family.”

I really don’t know what to say and was completely taken aback. I thought he was being so rude and I feel hurt.

Here, I'll help - "spend time with DH and me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

Wait, was this the OP’s response? If it’s true your DH is enthusiastic about nieces and nephews from his siblings and not your brother, I still maintain that you tried to joke about a serious issue that’s bothering you, broached it after already spending the past few weeks with your family (bad timing) and got pissed when your DH shut it down direct and blunt.

I’ll be 100 percent honest about if I feel the same way about my BIL’s children as I do my sister’s children and the answer is no. For me, it is a reflection of the relationship with the parents. For me, a mom, if I connect with their mom, I am more likely to feel comfortable around their young children. My BIL’s wife trusts no one but her momma and her side of the family with her child, therefore, it’s less stressful for me if I keep a little distance. I’ll encourage the relationship for the sake of our kids who love and are excited with their much younger first cousin but that’s it. My DH’s has first cousins with children and I feel a tighter bond with them because his first cousins are kind, welcoming, and pretty awesome.

That brings me to the second point. Even though I can sometimes have a rocky road with my own sister, we still have the shared history, some good memories, and our parents to bond us together. I will likely deal with more from her than I would someone that is a stranger to me and related by marriage. I also know that people divorce. While it’s not in the front of my mind, I do think subconsciously if the relationship would stand the test of divorce. I’m not saying BFFs but I really think I would still be cordial with the first cousins on my DH’s side and they wouldn’t defriend me on FB. The BIL, lets just say I’m not FB friends with his wife now so there is no doubt I would never talk to them or see hide nor hair of niece if I was no longer related by marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

Wow. You are pathologically cold. They are freaking children.

I'm aware they ar children doesn't mean I have to love them.

This must be a cultural issue. Are you a WASP?

I’m brown and I agree with PP. If SIL ever had a kid, god forbid, I’m sure I would not feel as close to them as my own sisters’ kids.

[Anonymous]

I hope none of you people doling out your love like it's a finite resource don't try and call yourselves Christians.

[Anonymous]

Once a week with family from either side is quite a bit. I have to do one week a year with my ILs and it's not fun for me, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

Wow. You are pathologically cold. They are freaking children.

I'm aware they ar children doesn't mean I have to love them.

This must be a cultural issue. Are you a WASP?

I’m brown and I agree with PP. If SIL ever had a kid, god forbid, I’m sure I would not feel as close to them as my own sisters’ kids.

I'm brown as well and I agree I love my biological nieces and nephews more. The relationship is just different. I grew up with their mother. I see bits of my siblings and parents in them. I was there the day they were born. We share the same blood. I'm not mean to my non biological nieces or nephews, but the feelings are just different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and SIL asked to spend time with DH and I this weekend. I casually mentioned to DH how I was hoping my niece may make him want to have a baby, hoping to make him laugh I asked DH last night if he wanted to spend time with them and he said exasperatedly: “you may want to spend every weekend with your family but I do not. Also, your niece is cute but doesn’t really change anything for me nor do I feel close to her because she’s not my blood relative.”

Ouch. He then proceeded to complain that I spent last weekend away with my mom, and it was my dads birthday the week before (which he did not attend!), and how he had also made dinner for my parents that week and “that’s about all I can handle of your family.”

I really don’t know what to say and was completely taken aback. I thought he was being so rude and I feel hurt.

Here, I'll help - "spend time with DH and me."

Thank you! This was driving me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope none of you people doling out your love like it's a finite resource don't try and call yourselves Christians.

If you think that Christians are any more loving and tolerant than any other group of people, you are quite delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope none of you people doling out your love like it's a finite resource don't try and call yourselves Christians.

If you think that Christians are any more loving and tolerant than any other group of people, you are quite delusional.

I certainly don't think they are....but they proclaim loudy how loving and tolerant they are. Most of them are crazy hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Well I thought people may be more supportive, I guess not.

It’s very hurtful to have someone completely uninterested in spending any time with my family. He tells me he wants children and his interest will shift when he has his own child, and maybe he will be more interested in spending time with my family then.

A couple days have blown over since our last discussion about this, I asked him if he wanted to visit my niece to see her in his Halloween costume to which he said flat out “No.”

No explanation. Nothing. He’d rather sit on the couch and be anti-social all the time. I told him I was upset about this, and he told me I was free to go. To which he followed up with this giant bomb:

“If you wanted or expected me to want to spend as much time with your family as you do, you shouldn’t have married me.”

Now we’re not speaking.