DH doesn’t want to spend time with my family and was rude about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you are going to spend three weekends in a row with your family, plus one weeknight, and you think "that’s about all I can handle of your family" is rude? First, it isn't really (an least not as rude as he cold have been. Second, Regardless of the packaging, three weekends in a row with your family (which presumably takes time away from you as a couple) is way too much if not funny embraced by both of you (which it obviously isn't).

Probably the better response to your brother would have been, "You know, we had Dad's birthday two weekends ago, and I was out of town this week - we just need some down time this weekend." Instead of that, you not only think it's fine, but you try to wrap your husband in AND preview it for him with a "joke" (and really, it isn't a joke) pressuring him about children. You need to rethink this approach.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a rude thing to say that your niece would make him want to have children! Most people do not like other people's children, especially men. I have a friend like you who is always pushing other people's (including mine) kids on her husband and making him change diapers and stuff. It's painful to watch and he looks so demeaned.

To this PP, this 'friend' of yours makes her DH change random kids' diapers? For real? Why would he do it?

Dd will need a diaper change and she will loudly announce "Mike will do it! He needs to start getting practice. Mike, go change her diaper". Seriously painful to watch. She also signs him up to always hold the new babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a rude thing to say that your niece would make him want to have children! Most people do not like other people's children, especially men. I have a friend like you who is always pushing other people's (including mine) kids on her husband and making him change diapers and stuff. It's painful to watch and he looks so demeaned.

To this PP, this 'friend' of yours makes her DH change random kids' diapers? For real? Why would he do it?

Dd will need a diaper change and she will loudly announce "Mike will do it! He needs to start getting practice. Mike, go change her diaper". Seriously painful to watch. She also signs him up to always hold the new babies.

This is so weird. I’ve never changed any of my friends’ kids’ diapers when they were there. (And vice versa!) I can’t the mom going along with it. If a friend volunteered, I’d probably just say ‘it’s okay, I got this!’ I can’t imagine a friend volunteering her husband, and if it was my child I would say “thanks - but no thanks!”

[Anonymous]

Does he not want kids? That seems like the bigger problem than him needing a break from your family.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you are trying to avoid hearing the substance of what he is telling you by turning this into an argument over procedural issues, i.e. whether he was rude in the way he raised the issue.

He's telling you he doesn't want kids but you are joking around about getting him to change his mind by making him spend time with babies.

He's telling you he doesn't want to spend that much time with your family and you're just saying he's rude. Sure maybe he didn't bring it up in the best possible way, but he is being clear in what he's saying and you are just ignoring it.

If you do want kids and it is important to you to see your family every week, tell him that clearly. Then you guys can talk about whether your relationship has any future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a rude thing to say that your niece would make him want to have children! Most people do not like other people's children, especially men. I have a friend like you who is always pushing other people's (including mine) kids on her husband and making him change diapers and stuff. It's painful to watch and he looks so demeaned.

To this PP, this 'friend' of yours makes her DH change random kids' diapers? For real? Why would he do it?

Dd will need a diaper change and she will loudly announce "Mike will do it! He needs to start getting practice. Mike, go change her diaper". Seriously painful to watch. She also signs him up to always hold the new babies.

Why do you and the other mom's go along with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

Agreed, it everyone is he same. I’m actually the opposite. I actually feel closer to my niece and nephew on my spouse’s side than my niece and nephew belonging to my own sibling! So many things affect this and there is no one size fits all answer. People don’t seem to grasp that!

[Anonymous]

Not* everyone. Stupid iPhone keyboard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

Er, no. I'm not this PP, but they aren't your family unless you welcome them as such. It's great that you and your DH both enjoy the other's family, and have thus accepted them as your own family, but it's not always this way. In some cases, a niece is just a kid that a random woman had with the brother of your wife, as in the case above. He's not obligated to spend his time with a child because of two marriages. And maybe he just doesn't really like the mother, or the kid, or the father (BIL). Who knows.

[Anonymous]

My ex was SUPER dismissive of my family. Like everything would go great at a get together, then in the car after he'd freak out about getting together with them. We'd hang with his family just as much and I never said anything negative.

In retrospect I think he was jealous because his family (not him) were all fairly trashy and uneducated, compared to my normal, moderately successful middle class family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a rude thing to say that your niece would make him want to have children! Most people do not like other people's children, especially men. I have a friend like you who is always pushing other people's (including mine) kids on her husband and making him change diapers and stuff. It's painful to watch and he looks so demeaned.

To this PP, this 'friend' of yours makes her DH change random kids' diapers? For real? Why would he do it?

Dd will need a diaper change and she will loudly announce "Mike will do it! He needs to start getting practice. Mike, go change her diaper". Seriously painful to watch. She also signs him up to always hold the new babies.

Wait, so this crazy friend and her DH don't have children to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

Er, no. I'm not this PP, but they aren't your family unless you welcome them as such. It's great that you and your DH both enjoy the other's family, and have thus accepted them as your own family, but it's not always this way. In some cases, a niece is just a kid that a random woman had with the brother of your wife, as in the case above. He's not obligated to spend his time with a child because of two marriages. And maybe he just doesn't really like the mother, or the kid, or the father (BIL). Who knows.

Wow it makes me so sad and freaked out for humanity that you could disdain a child b.c you have some beef with the kids parents. That's so cold hearted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand that hurt your feelings and I'm sorry, OP. But that is a LOT of time with your family.

And as someone that's childfree (not a man), I don't really enjoy spending time with other's children, especially their babies. Is your DH vocal about wanting to remain childfree?

DH, is surprisingly enthusiastic around nieces and nephews from his side of the family. He bought early Xmas presents and birthday presents for them during our last visit because he knew we would not be coming for Christmas. He will hold the babies and play with the kids.

But my brothers child? He’s not interested and does the bare minimum to interact with her when we’re visiting.

So what? She isn't his family.

What the actual? When you get married you join yoir spouse's family. DH and I have to neices, one from each "side" and we are both crazy about both of them.

How nice for you. Not everyone is the same. I definitely love my sisters' kids more than my nieces and nephews from DH.

Wow. You are pathologically cold. They are freaking children.