Nobody brought us food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

Honestly sometimes people assume "everyone else" will bring food and no one does, that very thing happened to my sister and she was so upset. But many of her friends told her later they really though others were doing it and didn't want her to have too much. Also depends on your circle of friends. Congrats though on your new baby!

[Anonymous]

It depends on the pekole, OP. DH's family would never even think to do that. My MIL would love to sit around and hold the baby, thinking she's being helpful. My mom, on the other hand, would wash clothes, bring or prepare food, clean up, etc. They are just different people. You have to know what to expect from certain folks.

[Anonymous]

I had someone bring me cookies and another soup during our MICU stay. Nothing after that but for friends who got us a gift card to GrunHub. No joke - I love them so much. But I appreciated those who came by with diapers more than food. I can make a bowl of Cheerios but diapers are $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

Now you know not to assume. I didn't receive food from anyone after the birth, and would have been very surprised to receive any! I don't get this food-train thing in general.
And having a healthy newborn is not really a big deal, OP. We came home with a special needs baby, I had tears, and we had no trouble cooking or taking care of ourselves. It was even easier with a healthy baby 5 years later.

I'm not trying to be mean. But there are plenty of much harder things in life, and I hope you never experience them.

Guess what, your experience is not universal. For many, many women having a newborn, even a healthy newborn, is a big deal. Many women are overwhelmed, their body hurts, they haven't gotten any sleep at all, they are having difficulty breastfeeding, and yes, they can barely take care of the baby, much less themselves, in those first few weeks.

I had a nightmare experience delivering my first child and it was an absolute nightmare taking care of him and myself for the first month. I would bet money that my very first year as a mother was harder than most new parents' first year, in terms of difficulties with my baby and difficulties with my body. This made me much more empathetic to others' experiences, even if what they experienced seems to pale in comparison to what I went through. Shame on you for dismissing someone else's postpartum story. Just be glad you "had no trouble" taking care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for you. I don't think people were thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

It could be a cultural thing? We are from Southern Asia. My parents were here for my delivery and stayed on for 6 months. Between, DH and my parents, my baby and I were well looked after. My MIL came for another 3 months and she was a great help too. My friends also offered to bring food but we did not need it because my mum was here.

I find it hard to comprehend how parents and ILs do not help out even if they are local - especially in such situation.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor brought us a cake. Otherwise, my ILs went to the grocery store and did some cooking while they visited. We also ordered a lot of pizza and Chinese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

Now you know not to assume. I didn't receive food from anyone after the birth, and would have been very surprised to receive any! I don't get this food-train thing in general.
And having a healthy newborn is not really a big deal, OP. We came home with a special needs baby, I had tears, and we had no trouble cooking or taking care of ourselves. It was even easier with a healthy baby 5 years later.

I'm not trying to be mean. But there are plenty of much harder things in life, and I hope you never experience them.

Guess what, your experience is not universal. For many, many women having a newborn, even a healthy newborn, is a big deal. Many women are overwhelmed, their body hurts, they haven't gotten any sleep at all, they are having difficulty breastfeeding, and yes, they can barely take care of the baby, much less themselves, in those first few weeks.

I had a nightmare experience delivering my first child and it was an absolute nightmare taking care of him and myself for the first month. I would bet money that my very first year as a mother was harder than most new parents' first year, in terms of difficulties with my baby and difficulties with my body. This made me much more empathetic to others' experiences, even if what they experienced seems to pale in comparison to what I went through. Shame on you for dismissing someone else's postpartum story. Just be glad you "had no trouble" taking care of yourself.

That's terrible for sure and no one can prepare for that, but the good thing is something everyone can and should prepare for. Freeze in advance, buy a lot of frozen meals, have the delivery numbers handy, download the UberEATS app. Not that hard and we all know we will need to eat at some point.

[Anonymous]

the *food* thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be a cultural thing? We are from Southern Asia. My parents were here for my delivery and stayed on for 6 months. Between, DH and my parents, my baby and I were well looked after. My MIL came for another 3 months and she was a great help too. My friends also offered to bring food but we did not need it because my mum was here.

I find it hard to comprehend how parents and ILs do not help out even if they are local - especially in such situation.

I'm American and when my first was born, DH ran around cooking, and then my father took over (I had no idea he could cook!) when DH got tired. My father's wife was the only one who kept saying "Oh, let's just go out!" and I was too tired to articulate why that was crazy. Then they left and my in-laws arrived. They did laundry, walked and fed the dog, sorted our mail (junk/real), ran errands, cleaned out the refrigerator, etc. I had to stop them from nursing the baby for me, practically. At one point I told them "You'd better stop - I may crank out another baby just to get more of this amazing treatment."

[Anonymous]

Hey lady who said that having a healthy newborn isn't a big deal...want to hear how insensitive you sound?

"I can have multiple Orgasms through intercourse alone. It's no big deal. I don't know why some women need vibrators!"

"Labor was painless for me. It's no big deal. I don't know why anyone would need an epidural."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

Now you know not to assume. I didn't receive food from anyone after the birth, and would have been very surprised to receive any! I don't get this food-train thing in general.
And having a healthy newborn is not really a big deal, OP. We came home with a special needs baby, I had tears, and we had no trouble cooking or taking care of ourselves. It was even easier with a healthy baby 5 years later.

I'm not trying to be mean. But there are plenty of much harder things in life, and I hope you never experience them.

Guess what, your experience is not universal. For many, many women having a newborn, even a healthy newborn, is a big deal. Many women are overwhelmed, their body hurts, they haven't gotten any sleep at all, they are having difficulty breastfeeding, and yes, they can barely take care of the baby, much less themselves, in those first few weeks.

I had a nightmare experience delivering my first child and it was an absolute nightmare taking care of him and myself for the first month. I would bet money that my very first year as a mother was harder than most new parents' first year, in terms of difficulties with my baby and difficulties with my body. This made me much more empathetic to others' experiences, even if what they experienced seems to pale in comparison to what I went through. Shame on you for dismissing someone else's postpartum story. Just be glad you "had no trouble" taking care of yourself.

That's terrible for sure and no one can prepare for that, but the good thing is something everyone can and should prepare for. Freeze in advance, buy a lot of frozen meals, have the delivery numbers handy, download the UberEATS app. Not that hard and we all know we will need to eat at some point.

Our freezer was tiny when DS was born so it didn't fit that much, plus I was pretty incapable of standing very long in my last month of pregnancy because of back problems and even shopping was difficult. We couldn't afford delivery more than say once a week at that time in our lives. It just wasn't in our budget.

I ate a lot of ramen noodles, canned soup, and cereal the first few months. Wasn't very good for a nursing mother, but I was too tired to cook (nor could I stand for long the first 3 weeks anyway) and DH only had a few days of leave before returning to long working hours. I can still remember every individual meal that was dropped off at our house by a neighbor or friend, and was so grateful for each one.

[Anonymous]

We received a lot of food offers both the last few weeks of pregnancy (most were freezable if we weren't planning on using that day) and then both offers to bring over food or call in delivery. My MIL is pretty funny about food and for #2 and #3 for the kids at home I guess (?) she sent over big tubs of cooked pasta...JUST cooked, cold pasta with no sauce, no cheese, nothing. I can't remember if we even used but it just struck me as so quirky. My mom was great bout sending food over too but the very best thing for all the births was my sister took the family dog just before the births and returned her after the first week. It was so helpful not to have to worry about the dog on top of the kids-and made it super easy for my husband to spend night(s) with me

[Anonymous]

That's a bummer, OP! It's customary in my family and group of friends to bring food to celebrate new babies. Clearly, this is not the norm with everyone but I've definitely since posts on DCUM about meal trains before so I know others do it, too. As far as allergies and food sensitives go, I just ask. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Nobody brought me food in general, and I wouldn't have wanted/expected them to. I sent my husband out for groceries for the week or two that he was home, and after that I sent my parents for the next couple of weeks. After that I was fine and went myself. However, we did have some friends bring a bunch of food to our house, cook it so we could all have dinner together, and then clean up our kitchen afterwards. It was really thoughtful and I so appreciated it.