Girls in my daughter's GS troop are so rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I'd love to have moms that are willing to help!

I've never met a GS leader that was a mean mom. If anything, they tend towards the nerdy, slightly socially awkward types. But always very friendy.

There is a challenge in the junior/Cadette years. When they are young, they all just play together and it's fine. As they get older, they develop different personalities and interests and get different friend groups. That's all fine. But there are some girls that only want to do stuff with their besties--that's not what GS is about. As a troop leader, I find it hard to tell those girls--no, that's not what we do in GS--this is not a space for you and your 2 BFFs to go off and do your thing and exclude other girls. We act as a troop. I think those girls might think I'm being mean, and a lot of them drop GS at that age. The girls that enjoy GS going forward are the ones that realize that you can have a good time doing stuff with other girls even if they aren't your BFF and even if they are very different from you in a lot of ways. But it's a hard transition for troop leaders to navigate--you need to balance letting the girls have some agency over their troop and how it is run, with making sure that they aren't just recreating the cliques and social divisions that they have at school.

Yes, our troop leaders were always concerned about this, and would mix the girls all the time, matching pairs to work together who were the least close. They talked to the girls about how it's important in life to learn to work together with everyone, not just your bffs.

[Anonymous]

We did it for two years. I was one of the main volunteer moms. There were two co-leaders and one of the co-leaders literally came to my house and yelled at me because I hadn't done something the way she wanted (and she hadn't actually told me how she wanted it done). Same lady's daughter bullied my daughter. We left and are very active in sports now. I wouldn't recommend Girl Scouts to anyone. It's not a respectful environment.

[Anonymous]

I'm. You are the LEADER. You are the grown up. It is on you to teach the girls how to behave, and if they don't follow the rules of the troop, tell them they can't come back!! Why is this so hard? Who else is going to be the grown up here if not you? You need to teach and protect these girls! If not, you are simply a cowardly enabler of rudeness and bullying. What are you afraid of?!? Show your daughter strength, not your weakness!

[Anonymous]

I think there is a good portion of parents who send their kids to scouts because they are having social or behavior issues...and they are hoping the scouts will help with this....and some of the parents of these kids also struggle with these same challenges..yet if you have too many of these kids/parents in one group it could lead to all sorts of issues

[Anonymous]

i all so hate girl scouts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But I promise you , when you are not there, and they are with their friends, the social niceties go out the window. It's something they think is for show around parents but isn't really something they need to do when they are with their own friends. This is developmentally just the way it is. It is not a reflection on you as a parent and it is not to say your kid is not a good kid. "

Actually, I see how my kids interact with their friends when I am there and through texting etc. Oh, and of course, when other adults TELL me that my girls have exceptionally good manners-- yeah! because they are required!!!

But, my real point was NOT how they act with their peers-- I am talking about how they act to ADULTS. If someone who volunteered with my kid "allowed" my kid to look at them and walk by, I would be disappointed to hear that.

Kids typically only rise to standards that are set for them. By tween years, acknowledging an adult (AND ESPECIALLY ONE DOING SOMETHING FOR THEM) is not too much to ask.

AND, as I said in my original post-- I volunteer A LOT with kids. Boys. Girls. From elementary and now up to the high school years. NOOOOOO, I do not allow rude behavior-- to me, to their peers etc.

Kids who don't develop proper social skills fairly young are left behind. You are not doing them a favor by accepting rudeness.

NP. Coming in to say that this isn't true at all. Whether a kid learns social manners at 6 or 12 or 20, it happens. It doesn't have to happen early, children are not doomed to the wilderness if they are rude to adults and peers as tweens or teens.

[Anonymous]

It's the local culture of rudeness and aloofness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends. Tweens can be really sarcastic to each other and insulting toward each other, and they love it most of the time. If they start being disrespectful to adults, you have to take action.

OP here. Some of the girls get shunned and that is a problem for me. However, my co-leader does not support me trying to discuss respect and getting them all together, not to be friends really, but to work as a team to do some good projects. So I feel like it's a waste of my time. Unfortunately, my daughter still holds out hope.

My one and only fist fight in my life was in 10th grade, and this freshman girl was actively going out of her way to flirt with my boyfriend in front of me -- the more uncomfortable it made him, the more she'd pour it on.

She told a friend of mine that it was her mission to make him her boyfriend. I wasn't jealous or intimidated by her, because I knew my boyfriend had zero interest.
I however WAS offended by the whole blatant display and thought it was really disrespectful.
I tried to do three right thing and sit down to talk to her and she refused, sho I warned her that my patience was running really thin and I was getting to the point of no return... she didn't care.

One day, she starting poking the bear just a little too hard, and I ended up grabbing her & throttling her in the middle of gym class.

Yes, I know, stupid me.. I know!

And to make matters worse, I started the fight on school grounds.

I'd never been in trouble before, like ever... and although, I threw the first several punches, the principal counted her antagonistic behavior as much as a detriment as my punches, because had she not started this little game of hers, I wouldn't have felt the need to attack her.

So, he told us he was going to try something new, because suspensions don't work, as they don't befit anyone but the kid who gets to stay home all day watching tv for 3 days in a row.

So, he forced she & I to eat lunch together for 2 weeks straight, I couldn't have my friends there & she couldn't have hers there.
If at anytime we broke the rules or refused to go, a suspension is ordered and placed in our personal file for colleges to see.

The first three days were a combination of silent treatments, arguments, and passive aggressive comments... but on the 5th day something changed -- she'd just found out that morning that her parents were getting divorced, and she totally lost it, and was a mess crying... and *I* was her support system!

She apologized to me and explained why she did it, because she knew her dad was moving out any day now & she thought vying for the attention of an unavailable guy would be exciting & it would force her to concentrate less on the impending divorce, and her dad leaving.

After she apologized, things got much better and after day 5, we suddenly became friends.
Now, 30 years later, I'm proud to call her one of my very best friends in the world and the godmother to my daughter.

Maybe you can do something similar?
The twon of us hated each other and we thought hell would freeze over before we'd ever be friends, but crazier things HAVE happened.

Maybe you can group together the shunned girl with another girl for an activity (just don't pick the queen bee, as she's almost always a hopeless cause).

Maybe one of the other girls, one that's like a fringe, hanger-oner in their group, but one that's not fully enmeshed with them?

Can't hurt, right? 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

You would benefit from bringing an outside presenter to talk about respect, and how every day communication should always come from a place of respect, and then build on that at every meeting.

To sell it to parents, all you need to do is add "leadership" to whatever your sentence is It's going to be a "leadership" presentation. This year, the focus of the troop will be "leadership" skills, to prepare them for their glorious future! Good leaders model a culture of respect while gently guiding lesser mortals to productive lives! Your daughters, ladies and gentlemen, are born to lead! Try not to barf while doing it.

Packaging, OP. That's what you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It depends. Tweens can be really sarcastic to each other and insulting toward each other, and they love it most of the time. If they start being disrespectful to adults, you have to take action.

OP here. Some of the girls get shunned and that is a problem for me. However, my co-leader does not support me trying to discuss respect and getting them all together, not to be friends really, but to work as a team to do some good projects. So I feel like it's a waste of my time. Unfortunately, my daughter still holds out hope.

Sounds like the co-leader is a big part of the problem. Has she heard of the Girl Scout law??

[Anonymous]

2017, folks. This was a thread from 2017

[Anonymous]

I am a Lifetime Girl Scout and am very sad about reading some of this. Please don’t dis the entire organization for a few bad apples. The council has a lot of resources to help with issues like this. Girl Scouts has had a huge and positive impact on my life.

[Anonymous]

Kids are so socially backwards these days. It’s sad. We had a terrible experience with Girl Scouts in DC. It was overly religious and the 80 year old leader was obsessed with order and procedure. Honestly it felt like waiting in line at the dmv. One of the worst things I’ve ever subjected my kids to. I think on the whole there are huge differences in experiences based on the troop and leader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: i all so hate girl scouts

Ah, done with your chores & homework already??

It's Saturday, why don't you go outside and get that fire making badge you've been so desperate to get?

I can only assume based on your illegible writing, that you must be about 8 years old.
I mean, there's no other reason why you would take the time to dig up a FOUR YEAR OLD zombie thread from 2017 just to say something stupid and irrelevant as " i all so hate girl scouts".

Leave the internet for the adults sweetie and stop dredging up zombified threads that have no relevance.

STOP REPLYING, ZOMBIE THREAD RESURRECTED. 🧟‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a Lifetime Girl Scout and am very sad about reading some of this. Please don’t dis the entire organization for a few bad apples. The council has a lot of resources to help with issues like this. Girl Scouts has had a huge and positive impact on my life.

Again, this post is from 2017.