Girls in my daughter's GS troop are so rude

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09/19/2017 13:04

Subject: Re:Girls in my daughter's GS troop are so rude

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. At least I'm not alone. The behavior is so bad, it's not as though they just forget their manners. Their rudeness is in your face. For example, I'll greet them and they'll just stare at me and then turn their backs and start talking to each other or return to texting. None of them can compromise on anything. The other parents are mostly uninvolved, or where they are, they don't seem to feel it's a problem.

Lower ypur expectations.
You are expecting adult social skills and adult social experience from kids and it's not going to always happen.
I see the same thing with my DD's GS cadette troop and yes, I have seen my own DD weakly mumble hello to adults she knows.
Adults understand to say hi and make pleasant small talk but guess what? Tweens and teens don't do that yet. They certainly don't do it socially yet among themselves either. It's a skill they will learn over the next few years.
So try not to be so offended and I promise you acted the same way towards some adults when you were that age. Even if you want to swear you didn't!

I hope this is a joke. My girls knew how to look adults in the eye and say "hello" and "good bye" and other social niceties around age 6. But, of course, respect and expectations are set at home. My kids write notes to ALL adults at the end of each "activity" year that have volunteered time with them. When they were little, they had a lot of help. As teens, they took over and took the lead to make cards or a note or bake cookies or pick out out a small gift card. Raise your expectations!! Your kids will thank you later. They can't be "leaders" without having good manners and the confidence that comes from good manners.

To the GS leader- a few thoughts:

Bring in a guest lecturer from Junioir Cotillion.
Set a no technology policy (unless an activity requires it- phones are put in a basket before meetings)
Ask the girls to set up a class to teach a younger troop good manners (and thereby reinforce what good manners are for your troop)
Make the troop spend time sending thank you notes to people that have helped the troop
Assign partners and small groups for projects so that kids are shuffled around
Set new practices as part of Girl Scout leadership- each cadet enters a meeting and says hello to the troop leaders and shakes hands.
Do some fun "ice breakers" to get the girls to relate on a new level
Set up a "fun" contest where girls own "points" for demonstrations of GS law for things like being respectful, being nice to each other, a newcomer, a troop guest etc and have gift cards or other prizes either at certain point levels or by raffle (e.g., exery x points gets you a raffle entry)

I have volunteered a TON with kids from 5 year olds to mid-teens boys and girls and are all are capable of learning basic social niceties. No place better to learn these than Girl Scouts, really. I lead a GS troop for several years and had high expectations- it can work!

I am the PP, and nope not a joke.

I have a troop full of kids who have moms who have taught their kids the same and when they are around their parents almost always perfectly mimic the social niceties their parents taught them.

But I promise you , when you are not there, and they are with their friends, the social niceties go out the window. It's something they think is for show around parents but isn't really something they need to do when they are with their own friends. This is developmentally just the way it is. It is not a reflection on you as a parent and it is not to say your kid is not a good kid.

It is hard to watch the group dynamics of tweens and teens because they operating mode is to exclude while as adults in social settings we know to acknowledge those in the group, make small talk to include others, notice when others are excluded and include them, etc. But tweens and teens don't get this in the same way.

Yes, as troop leaders we model and encourage the behavior we want girls to have with both teens and adults. But as the leader, you can't get slighted and offended if they don't perform exactly as you want each and every time. It's a learning process. That was the OPs complaint.

At the last meeting, I said hi, how are you doing to one of the girls I have known for years and she just stared at me , walked away and then came back and started asking what we were doing at the meeting and went on to help me set up the activity and we had a nice conversation. The skill she worked on as a kid was learning to make social small talk. Was she initially rude? Sure, compared to an adult she was. But for her age, 6th grader, I didn't see it as rude so much as being unsure of herself. They are kids and even dealing with adults they have known for years can sometimes make them feel unsure.

There's a difference between being awkward and not knowing how to make small talk and not responding/ignoring when an adult in charge greets you. I hope your nice conversation included a gentle admonishment and a reminder to say hello next time. Look, I was a terribly shy and anxious kid and I know many are, but if they are not taught to say hello, they will not mature into polite adults.