Girls in my daughter's GS troop are so rude

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. I led a troop from K-7th. By 6th grade the rudeness was just too much. A few girls excluded my daughter and were downright disrespectful. There were a few great girls and parents but you can't pick and choose your troop. I wish I had left sooner so I had happier memories. It is still painful to see some of the girls and parents when I recall the last 2 years.

[Anonymous]

It's not all awful!!!! Plenty of GS troops where everyone Is nice!! Hang in there and fight to help these kids. They need strong leaders like you. They are supposed to be a sister to every Girl Scout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter left girl scouts because it was so cliquey. Both the girls and their moms. They were so mean to my daughter and would not even say hello to her at the meetings. To add insult to the injury, the leader told us she is stepping down last year and the troop would dissolve but I just learned it is still going on with the same leader and only kids that were invited to.come back. I can't stand to look at these women who would pity me and my daughter while playing nice to my face. My daughter has slight special needs and I can't help but think that this had so.ethinf to do with it. Worst part about it, the girl scout council doesn't get involved with these types of issues. They just want to.collect the $$$. Biggest scam ever.

Terrible. Is there a regional organization you can report this "fake shut down" to?

Wait a second. PP, you say your daughter "left" her GS troop because the girls were so cliquey. Subsequently, the leader said she was stepping down and the troop would close? But that was after your daughter left the troop. Later she decided to stay another year but didn't let your daughter know... because she had already left?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It depends. Tweens can be really sarcastic to each other and insulting toward each other, and they love it most of the time. If they start being disrespectful to adults, you have to take action.

Daisies are between the ages of 5-7 - not even close to tweendom really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. At least I'm not alone. The behavior is so bad, it's not as though they just forget their manners. Their rudeness is in your face. For example, I'll greet them and they'll just stare at me and then turn their backs and start talking to each other or return to texting. None of them can compromise on anything. The other parents are mostly uninvolved, or where they are, they don't seem to feel it's a problem.

Lower ypur expectations.
You are expecting adult social skills and adult social experience from kids and it's not going to always happen.
I see the same thing with my DD's GS cadette troop and yes, I have seen my own DD weakly mumble hello to adults she knows.
Adults understand to say hi and make pleasant small talk but guess what? Tweens and teens don't do that yet. They certainly don't do it socially yet among themselves either. It's a skill they will learn over the next few years.
So try not to be so offended and I promise you acted the same way towards some adults when you were that age. Even if you want to swear you didn't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. At least I'm not alone. The behavior is so bad, it's not as though they just forget their manners. Their rudeness is in your face. For example, I'll greet them and they'll just stare at me and then turn their backs and start talking to each other or return to texting. None of them can compromise on anything. The other parents are mostly uninvolved, or where they are, they don't seem to feel it's a problem.

Lower ypur expectations.
You are expecting adult social skills and adult social experience from kids and it's not going to always happen.
I see the same thing with my DD's GS cadette troop and yes, I have seen my own DD weakly mumble hello to adults she knows.
Adults understand to say hi and make pleasant small talk but guess what? Tweens and teens don't do that yet. They certainly don't do it socially yet among themselves either. It's a skill they will learn over the next few years.
So try not to be so offended and I promise you acted the same way towards some adults when you were that age. Even if you want to swear you didn't!

Spend the next meeting establishing ground rules for the year. We recently did this. It helped. Can you establish a no technology at meetings rule? Or they need to give the leader their phones until a certain time?

Down right being rude to you as troop leader is not acceptable. Have a parent meeting to talk about expectations you have - and establish what the consequences are to it. Is it that a child needs to leave the meeting? That the parent needs take an active role in running meetings until the behavior changes? Figure out what you want / need.

[Anonymous]

Forcing girls to be friends doesn't work. Basically what Scouts is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. At least I'm not alone. The behavior is so bad, it's not as though they just forget their manners. Their rudeness is in your face. For example, I'll greet them and they'll just stare at me and then turn their backs and start talking to each other or return to texting. None of them can compromise on anything. The other parents are mostly uninvolved, or where they are, they don't seem to feel it's a problem.

Lower ypur expectations.
You are expecting adult social skills and adult social experience from kids and it's not going to always happen.
I see the same thing with my DD's GS cadette troop and yes, I have seen my own DD weakly mumble hello to adults she knows.
Adults understand to say hi and make pleasant small talk but guess what? Tweens and teens don't do that yet. They certainly don't do it socially yet among themselves either. It's a skill they will learn over the next few years.
So try not to be so offended and I promise you acted the same way towards some adults when you were that age. Even if you want to swear you didn't!

I hope this is a joke. My girls knew how to look adults in the eye and say "hello" and "good bye" and other social niceties around age 6. But, of course, respect and expectations are set at home. My kids write notes to ALL adults at the end of each "activity" year that have volunteered time with them. When they were little, they had a lot of help. As teens, they took over and took the lead to make cards or a note or bake cookies or pick out out a small gift card. Raise your expectations!! Your kids will thank you later. They can't be "leaders" without having good manners and the confidence that comes from good manners.

To the GS leader- a few thoughts:

Bring in a guest lecturer from Junioir Cotillion.
Set a no technology policy (unless an activity requires it- phones are put in a basket before meetings)
Ask the girls to set up a class to teach a younger troop good manners (and thereby reinforce what good manners are for your troop)
Make the troop spend time sending thank you notes to people that have helped the troop
Assign partners and small groups for projects so that kids are shuffled around
Set new practices as part of Girl Scout leadership- each cadet enters a meeting and says hello to the troop leaders and shakes hands.
Do some fun "ice breakers" to get the girls to relate on a new level
Set up a "fun" contest where girls own "points" for demonstrations of GS law for things like being respectful, being nice to each other, a newcomer, a troop guest etc and have gift cards or other prizes either at certain point levels or by raffle (e.g., exery x points gets you a raffle entry)

I have volunteered a TON with kids from 5 year olds to mid-teens boys and girls and are all are capable of learning basic social niceties. No place better to learn these than Girl Scouts, really. I lead a GS troop for several years and had high expectations- it can work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. At least I'm not alone. The behavior is so bad, it's not as though they just forget their manners. Their rudeness is in your face. For example, I'll greet them and they'll just stare at me and then turn their backs and start talking to each other or return to texting. None of them can compromise on anything. The other parents are mostly uninvolved, or where they are, they don't seem to feel it's a problem.

Lower ypur expectations.
You are expecting adult social skills and adult social experience from kids and it's not going to always happen.
I see the same thing with my DD's GS cadette troop and yes, I have seen my own DD weakly mumble hello to adults she knows.
Adults understand to say hi and make pleasant small talk but guess what? Tweens and teens don't do that yet. They certainly don't do it socially yet among themselves either. It's a skill they will learn over the next few years.
So try not to be so offended and I promise you acted the same way towards some adults when you were that age. Even if you want to swear you didn't!

I hope this is a joke. My girls knew how to look adults in the eye and say "hello" and "good bye" and other social niceties around age 6. But, of course, respect and expectations are set at home. My kids write notes to ALL adults at the end of each "activity" year that have volunteered time with them. When they were little, they had a lot of help. As teens, they took over and took the lead to make cards or a note or bake cookies or pick out out a small gift card. Raise your expectations!! Your kids will thank you later. They can't be "leaders" without having good manners and the confidence that comes from good manners.

To the GS leader- a few thoughts:

Bring in a guest lecturer from Junioir Cotillion.
Set a no technology policy (unless an activity requires it- phones are put in a basket before meetings)
Ask the girls to set up a class to teach a younger troop good manners (and thereby reinforce what good manners are for your troop)
Make the troop spend time sending thank you notes to people that have helped the troop
Assign partners and small groups for projects so that kids are shuffled around
Set new practices as part of Girl Scout leadership- each cadet enters a meeting and says hello to the troop leaders and shakes hands.
Do some fun "ice breakers" to get the girls to relate on a new level
Set up a "fun" contest where girls own "points" for demonstrations of GS law for things like being respectful, being nice to each other, a newcomer, a troop guest etc and have gift cards or other prizes either at certain point levels or by raffle (e.g., exery x points gets you a raffle entry)

I have volunteered a TON with kids from 5 year olds to mid-teens boys and girls and are all are capable of learning basic social niceties. No place better to learn these than Girl Scouts, really. I lead a GS troop for several years and had high expectations- it can work!

I am the PP, and nope not a joke.

I have a troop full of kids who have moms who have taught their kids the same and when they are around their parents almost always perfectly mimic the social niceties their parents taught them.

But I promise you , when you are not there, and they are with their friends, the social niceties go out the window. It's something they think is for show around parents but isn't really something they need to do when they are with their own friends. This is developmentally just the way it is. It is not a reflection on you as a parent and it is not to say your kid is not a good kid.

It is hard to watch the group dynamics of tweens and teens because they operating mode is to exclude while as adults in social settings we know to acknowledge those in the group, make small talk to include others, notice when others are excluded and include them, etc. But tweens and teens don't get this in the same way.

Yes, as troop leaders we model and encourage the behavior we want girls to have with both teens and adults. But as the leader, you can't get slighted and offended if they don't perform exactly as you want each and every time. It's a learning process. That was the OPs complaint.

At the last meeting, I said hi, how are you doing to one of the girls I have known for years and she just stared at me , walked away and then came back and started asking what we were doing at the meeting and went on to help me set up the activity and we had a nice conversation. The skill she worked on as a kid was learning to make social small talk. Was she initially rude? Sure, compared to an adult she was. But for her age, 6th grader, I didn't see it as rude so much as being unsure of herself. They are kids and even dealing with adults they have known for years can sometimes make them feel unsure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forcing girls to be friends doesn't work. Basically what Scouts is.

DP... one doesn't have to be friends to be respectful or at least, not rude. That what scout is supposed to be about.. respect and leadership.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad this was posted. I went to a Cub Scout meeting for the first time last week and was appalled at the boys' behavior while the parents sat around and did nothing.

[Anonymous]

My daughter left her troop after 6th grade, was a Juliette for one year and found a fantastic involved troop in 8th grade. She is in 11th and they are still together.

The best way to find other troops is to volunteer at a local GS day camp. Most of those volunteers stay active thru high school and even work on awards.

That said, Cadette age is tough. Sometimes sticking thru it, you will find the girls mature and come back together even stronger. My daughter left more because the group was being run by a dictator and not being "girl led" They do more community service and things that would make the leader pat herself on the back. Very little girl ideas, camping, or fun.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I feel for you too. We are part of a Brownie troop and the leader's daughter is an f'ing nightmare mean child. The mom considers her "strong" and treats it like she will eventually rule the world so she puts up with it. None of the girls like her. Most parents just put up with it. Girls have been dropping out though and we are down to only 9 girls.

I desperately want to start my own troop but feel like that would be tacky. My daughter is bored. The leader makes all the decisions. Promises fun things and continues to postpone them. I am not sure why she leads TBH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter left girl scouts because it was so cliquey. Both the girls and their moms. They were so mean to my daughter and would not even say hello to her at the meetings. To add insult to the injury, the leader told us she is stepping down last year and the troop would dissolve but I just learned it is still going on with the same leader and only kids that were invited to.come back. I can't stand to look at these women who would pity me and my daughter while playing nice to my face. My daughter has slight special needs and I can't help but think that this had so.ethinf to do with it. Worst part about it, the girl scout council doesn't get involved with these types of issues. They just want to.collect the $$$. Biggest scam ever.

Terrible. Is there a regional organization you can report this "fake shut down" to?

Wait a second. PP, you say your daughter "left" her GS troop because the girls were so cliquey. Subsequently, the leader said she was stepping down and the troop would close? But that was after your daughter left the troop. Later she decided to stay another year but didn't let your daughter know... because she had already left?

No, the daughter left Girl Scouts, the activity, because the girls and parents are so mean that they fake-dissolved the troop in order to reform it with only the girls they thought were cool enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you too. We are part of a Brownie troop and the leader's daughter is an f'ing nightmare mean child. The mom considers her "strong" and treats it like she will eventually rule the world so she puts up with it. None of the girls like her. Most parents just put up with it. Girls have been dropping out though and we are down to only 9 girls.

I desperately want to start my own troop but feel like that would be tacky. My daughter is bored. The leader makes all the decisions. Promises fun things and continues to postpone them. I am not sure why she leads TBH

Why is that tacky? If the troop isn't working, start another one.