How would you react if your date left to go help/comfort his ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not upset with him but I would be done.

People don't just randomly end up in abusive relationships. Something about it feels comfortable or familiar to them. So I would take that as a red flag that he was in some way shape or form abusive to her (and that she was in someway abused growing up).

I ended up in an abusive marriage. It didn't feel comfortable or familiar to me, but I was deeply ashamed and frightened. My then-husband's family is prominent in this area and very well connected with judges. I lacked the resources to escape with my DC until my parents wised up and intervened. Even with them as witnesses, I had difficulty getting a restraining order once the judge heard his name.

[Anonymous]

I would be courteous in the emergency, but I would probably not continue a relationship with someone whose girlfriend is beaten up by a boyfriend. Sounds like the kind of low-class world where such events re-occur regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We would both go so I know for a fact that's what happened.

What the hell? It's none of your business. Why would you insert yourself into a DV situation about which this woman would likely be very sensitive? Would you want strangers seeing you at your most vulnerable?

This has happened to me before and come to find out the ex lied. And it wasn't the first time. So for me, I'd have a hard time believing this however, for you, maybe you haven't been in a situation where the woman didn't lie about being beat up.

And why don't you stop your f'ing judgement because you don't know me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We would both go so I know for a fact that's what happened.

Wow, you're not crazy controlling AT ALL.

Go read my response to another judgmental poster like yourself at 10:29.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow you people are crazy.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it just happened that, at the time you were together on a date, she reached out to this man to tell him about what happened to her?

Considering how many hours there are in a day, and how many days in a week, it's interesting that her need happened to coincide with the hours allocated for your date.

Agree but it's a brilliant move. At least 7 or 8 out of 10 are ending things because of it and he doesn't have to have the awkward "it's not you, it's me" conversation, he doesn't have to ghost someone, risking reputation and he doesn't piss off whatever friend set the date up. Brilliant!

You are the brilliant one for figuring it out! Great mind!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We would both go so I know for a fact that's what happened.

Wow, you're not crazy controlling AT ALL.

Go read my response to another judgmental poster like yourself at 10:29.

I did read it, and I still think you're crazy controlling. If it's real, you not only have zero business being there, you'd probably be making it worse for the victim having this random chick tag along in her horribly scary and vulnerable moment. If it's not real, you'll figure that out pretty quickly before you're too involved with the guy without being there for this incident when more incidents start piling up in questionable ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We would both go so I know for a fact that's what happened.

Wow, you're not crazy controlling AT ALL.

Go read my response to another judgmental poster like yourself at 10:29.

I did read it, and I still think you're crazy controlling. If it's real, you not only have zero business being there, you'd probably be making it worse for the victim having this random chick tag along in her horribly scary and vulnerable moment. If it's not real, you'll figure that out pretty quickly before you're too involved with the guy without being there for this incident when more incidents start piling up in questionable ways.

I work DV victims daily so again, you don't know me or how I think in the most vulnerable situations for women and men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We would both go so I know for a fact that's what happened.

Wow, you're not crazy controlling AT ALL.

Go read my response to another judgmental poster like yourself at 10:29.

I did read it, and I still think you're crazy controlling. If it's real, you not only have zero business being there, you'd probably be making it worse for the victim having this random chick tag along in her horribly scary and vulnerable moment. If it's not real, you'll figure that out pretty quickly before you're too involved with the guy without being there for this incident when more incidents start piling up in questionable ways.

I work DV victims daily so again, you don't know me or how I think in the most vulnerable situations for women and men.

If you think a random stranger with no connection to the situation other than having been on a date with a support person of the victim is entitled to be present in the aftermath of the assault, you have no business working with DV victims. It doesn't matter who you are or what you know, you are a random stranger and you should not be there.

I really hope you're lying about your work with DV victims, because the fact that you don't seem to understand this is deeply disturbing to someone who has also worked with DV victims.

[Anonymous]

I might give him the benefit of the doubt if I really liked him otherwise. But if it starts to look like he's still entangled with his ex I would be out of there. She should have other people she can rely on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel rejected. Someone who was getting physically beat up called him for help. Of course he should go help, geez.

With that being said, I wouldn't want to be a part of that whole scene, so I would peace out.

She should be calling 911.

Who says she didn't? If I'd just been beaten up, I'd certainly call 911 and someone I loved.

Well that's kind of the point. If her ex is the "someone she loved" and calls in a crisis, that's major baggage for OP to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel rejected. Someone who was getting physically beat up called him for help. Of course he should go help, geez.

With that being said, I wouldn't want to be a part of that whole scene, so I would peace out.

She should be calling 911.

Who says she didn't? If I'd just been beaten up, I'd certainly call 911 and someone I loved.

Well that's kind of the point. If her ex is the "someone she loved" and calls in a crisis, that's major baggage for OP to deal with.

What makes it major baggage? Would you feel this way if it was the guy's sister calling in the same situation? Or is it just the fact that it's an ex-girlfriend that makes it major baggage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel rejected. Someone who was getting physically beat up called him for help. Of course he should go help, geez.

With that being said, I wouldn't want to be a part of that whole scene, so I would peace out.

She should be calling 911.

Who says she didn't? If I'd just been beaten up, I'd certainly call 911 and someone I loved.

Well that's kind of the point. If her ex is the "someone she loved" and calls in a crisis, that's major baggage for OP to deal with.

What makes it major baggage? Would you feel this way if it was the guy's sister calling in the same situation? Or is it just the fact that it's an ex-girlfriend that makes it major baggage?

If he had sex with his sister, I would consider that major baggage as well, and would walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel rejected. Someone who was getting physically beat up called him for help. Of course he should go help, geez.

With that being said, I wouldn't want to be a part of that whole scene, so I would peace out.

She should be calling 911.

Who says she didn't? If I'd just been beaten up, I'd certainly call 911 and someone I loved.

Well that's kind of the point. If her ex is the "someone she loved" and calls in a crisis, that's major baggage for OP to deal with.

What makes it major baggage? Would you feel this way if it was the guy's sister calling in the same situation? Or is it just the fact that it's an ex-girlfriend that makes it major baggage?

At risk of sounding callous, if it were his sister (really anyone he is close with) I would walk away. My Father used to say, "when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas". There's no way to have a nice relationship with someone so invested in others' dysfunction. I see it as a red flag that he has too much drama that will eventually affect my life. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel rejected. Someone who was getting physically beat up called him for help. Of course he should go help, geez.

With that being said, I wouldn't want to be a part of that whole scene, so I would peace out.

She should be calling 911.

Who says she didn't? If I'd just been beaten up, I'd certainly call 911 and someone I loved.

Well that's kind of the point. If her ex is the "someone she loved" and calls in a crisis, that's major baggage for OP to deal with.

What makes it major baggage? Would you feel this way if it was the guy's sister calling in the same situation? Or is it just the fact that it's an ex-girlfriend that makes it major baggage?

At risk of sounding callous, if it were his sister (really anyone he is close with) I would walk away. My Father used to say, "when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas". There's no way to have a nice relationship with someone so invested in others' dysfunction. I see it as a red flag that he has too much drama that will eventually affect my life. No thanks!

Well, you're right that you do sound callous. And ignorant. I really hope no one close to you ever has some kind of significant trauma, because I imagine they would be sorely let down by you.