Is it rude of me to ask a bridesmaid to step down? Here is why..

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be about how you wanted to disinvited your brother's ex who cheated on him, or a friend who was plotting to steal your fiancé or something.

You absolutely cannot do this. Even if you think she wouldn't mind, it is incredibly hurtful. Have the niece wear black or navy or gray or whatever and stand with the groomsmen. I was a grooms maid in a wedding once, there were also some men on the brides side. Not at all weird these days. Or you just have a couple extra bridesmaids, not a big deal at all. Or have your fiancé ask another man to stand up with him (maybe one of your good friends?) if you really care that much. Many options that do not include being incredibly rude to a friend.

[Anonymous]

You obviously do not care about this friend or your friendship with her. So beyond rude. I honestly cannot comprehend how someone could think this would be ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:isn't it already weird that fiance has less attendants than you? I would just add 2 to his side to even things up.

It's not weird. I had two and DH had 6. Who cares.

Yes, I think it's very rude to ask her to step down.

+1 I had more than DH.

[Anonymous]

Both (!) of my SILs got divorced between the time we got engaged and the time we got married. DH ended up with 4 groomsmen as a result and I had 7 total. I would have never thought to have told any of my bridesmaids to step down to make the number even and we would have also never thought to add any additional groomsmen on account of numbers. Who cares. This can't be a real question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting married next September and although I wanted 8 bridesmaids, I compromised with fiancé and now have 6. He will only have 5 groomsmen though.
After getting to know his niece, it would mean a lot to me, if she could be one of my bridesmaids. She is only 4 years younger than me.

When we first got engaged, I didn't know her that well. I don't want to continue to off set the bridal party. I want to ask friend if she would mine stepping down and explaining that after thinking about it, it is a hard decision but I would love my future niece in law to be in the ceremony. It is hard choosing which friend to ask to step down, but I'm leaning towards a friend I have known since high school, but we hangout 2 a year or so.
Everyone else I see more regularly. She is a dear friend, but id think she'd understand?..

Has anyone been through this before?..

It's not a Cabinet-level appointment, OP. You can't ask a friend to "step down" as a bridesmaid. I think you need to get a grip on your reality here. People agree to be in wedding parties as a favor to the couple, because they care about the couple. It's often a significant expense and time drain. Asking someone to leave the wedding party is insulting.

[Anonymous]

I am confused why 5 groomsmen and 7 bridesmaids doesn't work as well as 5 and 6. Either the numbers should match, or they don't need to. I'm on team don't need to, so I say just add her.

I am confused by the idea of having the niece as a groomsmaid. I think that groomsmaids are fine, but in this case OP wants to ask the niece, which means that the niece should be her attendant. Her fiance already chose the people he wants to represent him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her another role in your wedding. Not everyone is dying to serve as your bridesmaid and people won't be devastated not to be one. In fact, newsflash, dcum agrees being a bridesmaid is a pita.

Omg this. Certainly one of them would be thrilled to not have to buy a dress they'll never wear again and spend whatever other crazy amount of money on getaways, etc

[Anonymous]

OP: If a guy asked you to the prom, you said yes, then 3 weeks later a cuter guy asks you, would you ditch the first guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her stand with the grooms side - wear a dress that matches the suits, and then the lines won't be offset.

Agree with this. One of my friends got married and his best man was a woman (best woman?)

[Anonymous]

It's fine if you don't mind losing a friend. You are a jerk OP.

[Anonymous]

Give her a reading

[Anonymous]

Like the solar eclipse, it is rare to see this totality of agreement by DCUM Nation. Take notice, OP.

[Anonymous]

You're basically telling your friend she's not good enough. Well that she was, but someone else came along who is better. Sure, maybe she doesn't care about being a bridesmaid, but the underlying message is pretty rude.

This happened in a wedding I was in. It not only ruined the friendship between the bride and bridesmaid, but a lot of our other friends had their views changed about the bride. Not worth it. The wedding party is already uneven (and who really cares?!?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her another role in your wedding. Not everyone is dying to serve as your bridesmaid and people won't be devastated not to be one. In fact, newsflash, dcum agrees being a bridesmaid is a pita.

Omg this. Certainly one of them would be thrilled to not have to buy a dress they'll never wear again and spend whatever other crazy amount of money on getaways, etc

I don't think it's about being a bridesmaid. It's about basically saying "hey Larla. A couple months ago you and I were close enough friends that I wanted you to be a bridesmaid. Now I've gotten to know someone else who is better, so I want her to take your place". It's just rude.

[Anonymous]

You can ask her to step down but that will be the end of your friendship.