Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
I feel absolutely horrible! Please tell me what you think
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
I don't understand what happened? Did you say something to them? Your post is not clear. |
Anonymous
WHAT DID YOU DO? |
Anonymous
Same low status? What the heck are you talking about! |
Anonymous
| I think you need to tell your husband because he will probably want to apologize to them as well on Monday. |
Anonymous
| Blacks are the outcast minority while Asians are the model minority. Hispanics fall somewhere in between. |
Anonymous
| They likely don't see you as "brown" since they thought they were targeted because they were the "only 'brown ones'" there. |
Anonymous
| OP, what were the boys' reaction after you said that it was a private party? |
Anonymous
| To be honest, I have been a victim of racism just as much from Asians as from whites. |
Anonymous
|
"Several studies have shown that living with a roommate of a different race changes students’ attitudes. One, from the University of California at Los Angeles, generally found decreased prejudice among students with different-race roommates — but those who roomed with Asian-Americans, the group that scored the highest on measures of prejudice, became more prejudiced themselves."
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/08/us/08roommate.html?_r=1&ref=us |
Anonymous
.. and this would be why when the cashier asks "would you like that in a bag", I say yes so there can be no doubt that I paid for it. It's a tough decision as an AA - do you go in with the proverbial chip on your shoulder - in this case having the mom walk over with the kids or assuming someone will think you don't belong and preemptively say "oh my mom is over there". Or do you go over assuming there is no problem in the world as a non-minority child might - and then feel self-conscious, maybe surprised when you are stopped. As for the OP - I guess only you know what you were thinking. Do you tend to get involved in general if kids are doing something you think they shouldn't i.e. climbing up on that fence etc., or do you pretty much count on the parents to have the situation under control unless it is dangerous or harmful to your child and will just put eyes out to see if the parents are around. Were other kids coming up and you said nothing because you knew them? I guess if the motivation is that it was a private party and you never had seen them before - my initial thought is there could have only been but so many people there that were the likely parents - but exception to that rule is there are quite a few blended families, adoptions, and bi-racial situations that could blow that assumption out of the water. If you go from the approach of being friendly and open - oh I am so-and so, have you met the other kids, do you know they have these activities - you would likely find out if the mom is nearby or not and you are working from the assumption they belong there until your conversations reveal otherwise. |
Anonymous
Why say anything? Let it go it wil only create drama. If the mom wasn't mad or at least showed you that she wasn't I wouldn't bring it up again. Now if I were the mom I would think that you were racist but I would never tell you or your husband that. Why should I have to? Were they the only black people there? Only women bring the petty crap to work. |
Anonymous
| What are you talking about, PP? It happened AT WORK! A company picnic is work, I don't care if it's not during normal business hours. It was sponsored by the company. That's why her husband needs to know and possibly take step to minimize the damage. |
Anonymous
And say what exactly? I'm sorry that my wife thought your 2 black kids were stealing ice cream she didn't know they were your black kids..... and unless he works for the park service a PICNIC is not the office. |
Anonymous
It was an honest mistake. Let it go. |
Anonymous
|
[quote=Anonymous]OP-here-I know I am an idiot, I truly don't know what I was thinking, I just reacted. To make it worse, my husband is a partner and I am the partner's b*tch wife. My husband is a really, really good guy who always tries to do the right thing.[/quote]
OP, I have found that when I feel anxious about an ambiguous situation and I just *have* to figure out what to say and to say it -- it's usually something like this which is embarrassing and I wish I hadn't said it. In one case, I couldn't figure out whether an African-American man was an employee or a member in a situation at my gym and part of my assumption that he was an employee was because he wore a dark t-shirt similar to the employee t-shirt but the other part was because he was black. He was cheering this kid on at the climbing wall and I couldn't figure out if he was the kid's dad or an instructor. After I said something that implied he was an employee I found out he was the dad. (I mumbled something about his shirt confusing me. I don't think he realized it also about his race.) I don't know if that is what happened to you but your story reminds me of that. I've learned just to keep my mouth shut and sit with the anxiety. I don't have to figure out every ambiguous situation! I also say this as an anti-racist white person that no matter how well-intentioned and caring I am, I still have the same old tapes running in my head that I got growing up. I live in an African-American neighborhood and do just fine here. But last night I was at a play in NW where the audience and cast were heavily white. I saw a young African-American man hanging out before the play and my attennae went up. Now in my neighborhood he would just be one more person whose intentions I don't know about so I wouldn't jump to conclusions. But at the play he seemed like an outsider who had to be watched -- when I had absolutely no evidence that he was dangerous. It might be my generation (I'm older than a lot of people on DCUM) but those tapes don't go away and I just try to ignore them. And I've also said some stupid things in spite of the fact that I'm a lot more active in anti-racism efforts than the average white person. I don't like it -- it is extremely uncomfortable and not how I want to be but I've found that obsessing about it and trying to figure it out doesn't really resolve it. It comes with growing up in a society which, while it has come a long way, is still quite segregated along racial and class lines and I try to do the right thing the next time. Also, I'm not saying you're like me. I don't know you and I don't know what caused you to say that to those kids. But the one thing I can tell you is that I've been in situations like yours and I've done that and I understand your regret and the desire to make it go away. It sucks! I'm sure to get flamed by those who think I'm a silly white liberal but I don't care, this message is for OP. Good luck, OP! |