I feel absolutely horrible! Please tell me what you think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I sent my friend (AA female) to my hair salon. When she arrived, they told her they didn't do black hair and referred her to the braid place across the street. I didn't hear the end of it for quite some time. But as a white woman, I don't think about where I have to get my hair done.

Sorry to go off-topic, but how does this example show "hidden prejudice"? It just seems that you didn't realize that not all stylists know how to deal with all hair. A stylist once rejected my SIL as a client because the stylist didn't know how to cut "white hair."

I'm not criticizing you PP. I actually think you're being too hard on yourself. Or maybe I am unaware of my own "hidden prejudice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP you see "boys" and think grown men? Really?

Holy crap, I can't believe I have to untie every single knot in my line of thinking, BUT -- I would assume for MEN that being an AA would be a first-rung type job, a summer internship kind of thing, so yes, I would think "College kid" = boy.

Oh, and I forgot to add, "I am a complete idiot, but" before i started my post, which I'll try to get in the habit of doing from now on.

Are you drunk or something? What's wrong with you?

WHO CARES????? No one on this board can tell you why you said what you did. I find it very strange that you were worried about children taking drinks out of your HUSBAND's COMPANY'S cooler. So, did you do it because they were African American (at first I thought they were drunks from Alcoholic's Anonymous) or because you were so worried that your husbands' company would lose $5 worth of beverages? Only you know the answer to this -

Also it's bizarre to me that you haven't told your husband what you did.

That would've been funny if the OP hadn't said they were "boys". Not sure how many drunks from AA would fit that description, but maybe you've met a bunch before so it would make sense that you thought that.

[Anonymous]

Some of you people are getting really confused about what was said the by the OP versus what was said by a subsequent poster.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it would be good for you to examine the assumptions that underlie how you reacted.

First though, I think you need to stop worrying about how you feel and how you look and think about 1) your husband's job - he needs to know about this, tonight, and 2) how your behavior has impacted those kids and their mom.

[Anonymous]

Who gives a shit? She made a mistake. That doesn't means she is racist. Maybe she should have minded her own business. That's it.

And, OP, I think you are GREATLY over-reacting and being way oversensitive. You apologized. Move on. This is not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a shit? She made a mistake. That doesn't means she is racist. Maybe she should have minded her own business. That's it.

And, OP, I think you are GREATLY over-reacting and being way oversensitive. You apologized. Move on. This is not that big of a deal.

Totally agree with this.

OP - if too unknown to you white kids walked up and didn't appear to be part of the party, would you have said something? probably.

The woman and her kids are over it. You should be too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a shit? She made a mistake. That doesn't means she is racist. Maybe she should have minded her own business. That's it.

And, OP, I think you are GREATLY over-reacting and being way oversensitive. You apologized. Move on. This is not that big of a deal.

Totally agree with this.

OP - if too unknown to you white kids walked up and didn't appear to be part of the party, would you have said something? probably.

The woman and her kids are over it. You should be too.

Disagree. I bet she wouldn't have said anything, because the white kids would not have looked out of place at the party.

And I bet the mom hasn't shrugged it off either. THis kind of thing sticks in your craw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't there also some race test where there's been some crime, and people have to identify the criminal? There's an AA male on the bus holding a newspaper, and most people identify him as the criminal, thinking the newspaper is a gun. (or something along those lines)

Sounds sort of like how the husband of a Muslim woman stabbed in a court in Germany was mistaken for the perpetrator and shot by the police.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jul/10/germany-murder-marwa-sherbini

[Anonymous]

Why not let 2 children have ice cream even if it is a private party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a shit? She made a mistake. That doesn't means she is racist. Maybe she should have minded her own business. That's it.

And, OP, I think you are GREATLY over-reacting and being way oversensitive. You apologized. Move on. This is not that big of a deal.

Absolutely right - let it go. It's only going to be a big deal if you make an issue of it.

[Anonymous]

OP, the important point here is that those boys got a tiny hint. Trust me, they got it. It is tiny incidents like that over a life time that cause AAs to feel unwelcome and distrustful. So when people say that there is no racism, and why are blacks so bent out of shape, please remember this. They will get this about 10 times a year.

I teach my son to make eye contact and say hello in these types of circumstances. I think that that makes whites less uncomfortable. I might be wrong. I had someone do something like that to me at a local synagogue recently, the other woman was VERY embarrassed. I was embarrassed for her.

THINK THINK THINK.

[Anonymous]

Your need to save the company ice cream is clearly a control issue. As a Black American, I would initially feel insulted and angry even if I did not say so to you. But I would get over it. The great thing that you did was apologize immediately. That helps a lot.

You need to tell your husband ASAP because his coworker is going to tell every other black person or minority in the firm and probably the whites she perceives as sympathetic. Your husband's instinct may be to apologize profusely as well because no one wants to become known, fairly or not, as the office's closet racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-here-I know I am an idiot, I truly don't know what I was thinking, I just reacted. To make it worse, my husband is a partner and I am the partner's b*tch wife. My husband is a really, really good guy who always tries to do the right thing.

You need to tell your husband, because this story will be told around the office. And you need to get over your control issues. It was not your job to monitor the ice cream so why do it? You were a guest of your husband's company, so you should not have gotten involved. Even if the children were not with your event, you have no idea if someone from the event invited them to take ice cream.

[Anonymous]

OP here-I really have beat myself up over this and need to move on. When I apologized, the mother and the boys were standing there and she said that the boys thought it was b/c they were the only "brown ones" there. And I am like, "no, I am brown", b/c I am Asian. I think it really was a control issue and I saw them walk into the pavillion out of nowhere and really thought they were crashing the party. I should have thought before I opened my mouth, but I learned my lesson. I still haven't told my husband, b/c I am still embarrassed by my behavior.

[Anonymous]

Blacks do not consider Asians "brown" even if they are because Asians do not have the same low status.