DH is being accused of sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Did the police have a warrant to get that swab ? Your husband should have refused and not spoken to the police without a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kicked him out because he went outside to be interviewed. I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear. That made me suspicious.

His friend disclosed to him last week that he had been swabbed. He's known for a week that his co-workers were being swabbed. He neglected to tell me.

To me, that seems like guilty behavior.

Maybe he didn't want to worry you because he knew you'd flip out. Which you did.

Uhhh, most sane people would freak out over this

I'm sane and wouldn't flip out ON my DH.

We're AA. Shortly after we started dating, there was a break in my neighborhood. The police stopped by to canvas if anyone saw anything. They decided my then-bf resembled the description given by a witness and asked him to come down for a line up. I was very upset, but not at him. He didn't even have to say a word to me about his innocence for me to believe him. And I wasn't his alibi. I simply knew he was innocent. NTW, he didn't actually match the description because he was at least 4 inches taller and 20 years older. They caught the actual guy later and he wasn't even AA, just a dark-skinned Latino.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kicked him out because he went outside to be interviewed. I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear. That made me suspicious.

His friend disclosed to him last week that he had been swabbed. He's known for a week that his co-workers were being swabbed. He neglected to tell me.

To me, that seems like guilty behavior.

It sounds like a man who is scared to death and trying to protect his wife to me.

Not trying to start an argument, but I'm genuinely curious what you mean by this. If they're looking for a DNA match and he knows it wasn't him, what's to be scared of? If I knew they were swabbing people because they had evidence I'd rush to the station to get my name off the list.

His wife completely flipping out and kicking him out of his home?

She's flipping out because he kept it from her!! I would flip out as well, if my DH kept something like this from me (for many reasons). But we have a relationship where I couldn't fathom his keeping something like this from me, so one reason for flipping out would be figuring out what's going on in our relationship that he would feel like he couldn't tell me something.

OP is concerned about her DH's behavior, and most likely she understands how to contextualize it way better than random internet strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kicked him out because he went outside to be interviewed. I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear. That made me suspicious.

His friend disclosed to him last week that he had been swabbed. He's known for a week that his co-workers were being swabbed. He neglected to tell me.

To me, that seems like guilty behavior.

Maybe he didn't want to worry you because he knew you'd flip out. Which you did.

Uhhh, most sane people would freak out over this

I'm sane and wouldn't flip out ON my DH.

We're AA. Shortly after we started dating, there was a break in my neighborhood. The police stopped by to canvas if anyone saw anything. They decided my then-bf resembled the description given by a witness and asked him to come down for a line up. I was very upset, but not at him. He didn't even have to say a word to me about his innocence for me to believe him. And I wasn't his alibi. I simply knew he was innocent. NTW, he didn't actually match the description because he was at least 4 inches taller and 20 years older. They caught the actual guy later and he wasn't even AA, just a dark-skinned Latino.

I think being singled out on a whim by a racist cop is a bit different than being tracked down by a coordinated multi-state police effort, but YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this guy is guilty or innocent. But I do know that if I was falsely accused of a crime, and my spouse kicked me out of the house, I wouldn't be coming back. Maybe you had a good reason to suspect he's guilty, but that's definitely a bridge burner. Time to start talking to a divorce lawyer and get ready to be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I was going to look into filing. We don't have any mutual assets (we don't own property) aside from a joint bank account. We've been married less than a year. There's really no assets to protect. I have student loan debt and he has car debt but that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this guy is guilty or innocent. But I do know that if I was falsely accused of a crime, and my spouse kicked me out of the house, I wouldn't be coming back. Maybe you had a good reason to suspect he's guilty, but that's definitely a bridge burner. Time to start talking to a divorce lawyer and get ready to be single.

I'd have to agree.
That's some cold-hearted shizzle to kick somebody out the house and tell em don't come back until they're cleared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I was going to look into filing. We don't have any mutual assets (we don't own property) aside from a joint bank account. We've been married less than a year. There's really no assets to protect. I have student loan debt and he has car debt but that's it.

To be honest, if you have no kids, and you've only been married a year, I'd move on -- assuming that he at least cheated. Talk to an attorney ASAP. There may be no assets, but the woman could sue him for civil damages.

[Anonymous]

Super fake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this guy is guilty or innocent. But I do know that if I was falsely accused of a crime, and my spouse kicked me out of the house, I wouldn't be coming back. Maybe you had a good reason to suspect he's guilty, but that's definitely a bridge burner. Time to start talking to a divorce lawyer and get ready to be single.

I'd have to agree.
That's some cold-hearted shizzle to kick somebody out the house and tell em don't come back until they're cleared.

NP here. I generally agree with these sentiments EXCEPT that the DH clearly tried to evade telling his wife anything about the incident. If DH had come to DW as soon as he heard that others were getting swabbed and explained what was going on, then I would side with DH. But him deliberately keeping her out of the loop, without explanation? Nope, not having it.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe he's telling the truth! He was asleep and wasn't involved. Maybe the police asked him to voluntarily provide a swab so he can eliminate himself as a suspect, and he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this guy is guilty or innocent. But I do know that if I was falsely accused of a crime, and my spouse kicked me out of the house, I wouldn't be coming back. Maybe you had a good reason to suspect he's guilty, but that's definitely a bridge burner. Time to start talking to a divorce lawyer and get ready to be single.

I'd have to agree.
That's some cold-hearted shizzle to kick somebody out the house and tell em don't come back until they're cleared.

NP here. I generally agree with these sentiments EXCEPT that the DH clearly tried to evade telling his wife anything about the incident. If DH had come to DW as soon as he heard that others were getting swabbed and explained what was going on, then I would side with DH. But him deliberately keeping her out of the loop, without explanation? Nope, not having it.

He's probably embarrassed about the people he works with or his company... or doesn't want her to think that happens with all people on that jobsite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like either oil drilling or archaeology. Both of which often have 90% or more male crews. Gang rapes are not uncommon. Drugging women so they can be raped is not uncommon.

There are more than two jobs this could work for.....not many fields are majority female.

Arctic research crews

Military units

Forestry professionals

Airline mechanics

Silicon Valley

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe he's telling the truth! He was asleep and wasn't involved. Maybe the police asked him to voluntarily provide a swab so he can eliminate himself as a suspect, and he did.

Relevant excerpt: I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear.

What part of that is "telling the truth" or "voluntary"? The cops showed up at his house after he gave them the runaround, and he knew about them collecting evidence for at least a week and still didn't tell his wife until the cops had come and gone. His behavior is beyond suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this guy is guilty or innocent. But I do know that if I was falsely accused of a crime, and my spouse kicked me out of the house, I wouldn't be coming back. Maybe you had a good reason to suspect he's guilty, but that's definitely a bridge burner. Time to start talking to a divorce lawyer and get ready to be single.

I'd have to agree.
That's some cold-hearted shizzle to kick somebody out the house and tell em don't come back until they're cleared.

NP here. I generally agree with these sentiments EXCEPT that the DH clearly tried to evade telling his wife anything about the incident. If DH had come to DW as soon as he heard that others were getting swabbed and explained what was going on, then I would side with DH. But him deliberately keeping her out of the loop, without explanation? Nope, not having it.

It is equally possible that he said nothing because OP has a tendency to assume the worst and freak out. She would leap to the conclusion that he was guilty and there would be no explanation or discussion possible.

The women here have immediately concluded that at a MINIMUM he cheated. Without knowing a single fact. Simply on the basis of what OP has said.