To disclose HFA diagnosis to teen or not? 17 year old

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if your parents withheld information about you because how they think you would respond? Who knows if he will just give up OR take it as the need to keep doing what he is and accept himself? Susan Boyle found out when she was 40 or so and it made a huge difference to her.

I think you should tell him and help him with his feelings. Who knows he may surprise you but, you are not giving him a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your parents withheld information about you because how they think you would respond? Who knows if he will just give up OR take it as the need to keep doing what he is and accept himself? Susan Boyle found out when she was 40 or so and it made a huge difference to her.

I think you should tell him and help him with his feelings. Who knows he may surprise you but, you are not giving him a chance.

There are no second chances.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the point in telling him. You don't know that the diagnosis is accurate, and he's not going to want to hear it. I think the question is whether he needs help working on social or other skills. If so, you have discussions with him about that. He doesn't need to have the label in order to work on these things.

[Anonymous]

Our kid knows he has a diagnosis and it has been helpful in understanding why some things are harder for him while others are easier. Most importantly, I think it's important that your child understands that he has certain traits which may have a genetic basis as he or she eventually selects a romantic partner with whom he might reproduce. In short, my son has expressed that he would feel guilty if his kids had a more severe type of autism, as they might if he married a fellow Aspie who he met in a science or math class and the genes combined. At the moment it's a bit of a joke that he is drawn to the fellow musician, etc. but that he will probably ultimately marry someone who has strengths that compensate for his deficits rather than combining them. That's the hard brutal truth, unfortunately. Too much risk with assortative mating (see baron-cohen on the subject).

[Anonymous]

I think I'd show him a list of autism traits. Say - autism is a spectrum diagnosis, you may not be in it but you might be near it. Are any of these traits something that you connect with? Are any a problem in your life? If so there's help and information available. If you're happy as is, then great.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier before the comments about the IQ test and report cards. Many of my students have HFA and that is not how they were diagnosed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid knows he has a diagnosis and it has been helpful in understanding why some things are harder for him while others are easier. Most importantly, I think it's important that your child understands that he has certain traits which may have a genetic basis as he or she eventually selects a romantic partner with whom he might reproduce. In short, my son has expressed that he would feel guilty if his kids had a more severe type of autism, as they might if he married a fellow Aspie who he met in a science or math class and the genes combined. At the moment it's a bit of a joke that he is drawn to the fellow musician, etc. but that he will probably ultimately marry someone who has strengths that compensate for his deficits rather than combining them. That's the hard brutal truth, unfortunately. Too much risk with assortative mating (see baron-cohen on the subject).

That's such an Aspie way of choosing a mate! I wish him all the best finding someone wonderful for him.

[Anonymous]

You said your son is happy now. I see no point in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your parents withheld information about you because how they think you would respond? Who knows if he will just give up OR take it as the need to keep doing what he is and accept himself? Susan Boyle found out when she was 40 or so and it made a huge difference to her.

I think you should tell him and help him with his feelings. Who knows he may surprise you but, you are not giving him a chance.

There are no second chances.

There are plenty of second chances and if you are the op you didn't answer the question.

[Anonymous]

OP, your teen doesn't really HAVE a diagnosis. An IQ test is not sufficient to establish HFA. It's just not. Therapy is not sufficient, either.

Essentially, what you need to decide is whether you want to have your teen get a full psychoeducational evaluation. Are there no other professionals in your teens life (teachers, counselors) who could weigh in on that question? If your teen has an ADHD diagnosis, how has that affected functioning at school? What kind of accommodations has your teen received, and under what format (504 or IEP)? Do you believe that your teen might need support services in college, for which you need to establish eligibility through a full psycho-educational report? (I'm thinking especially for assignments involving presentations and speaking before a group, for example.)

You might address this question to the KWSN forum--where you will probably find folks who have BTDT.

[Anonymous]

OK here. He did have a psych ed test to get accommodation at college for adhd. He didn't need them in high school. Testing was 3 hours plus parental meetings.it might have been shorter because he was known to the psychologist.

[Anonymous]

I meant OP not OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK here. He did have a psych ed test to get accommodation at college for adhd. He didn't need them in high school. Testing was 3 hours plus parental meetings.it might have been shorter because he was known to the psychologist.

Was this the psychologist who said he has HFA?

[Anonymous]

OP the actor Paddy Considine was in his late 30's finally diagnosed as aspergers. He said that it was a huge relief because it "explained" a lot about his life.

Maybe you can look at it this way, its something to help explain things rather than a burden to be carried?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK here. He did have a psych ed test to get accommodation at college for adhd. He didn't need them in high school. Testing was 3 hours plus parental meetings.it might have been shorter because he was known to the psychologist.

Was this the psychologist who said he has HFA?

Yes
Though he had one at 13 by someone else who said adhd only.