Why Is It Acceptable To Highlight The Cost Of My Kid's School?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly - most people just don't know! My oldest and 3rd DD went to ivies and if you haven't had a kid go you would not know (as I didn't coming from a very middle/middle class background) that even our family with a very comfortably HHI of $500K most years got large awards/grants/whatever they call them so these 'high cost' privates with large endowments often cost about the same as in-state (OK not apples to apples but not apples to diamonds!!) My middle when to a small private on same set of financials and because it is not a wealthy school - we paid much more there.

You are the only person on DCUM with a high HHI that admits to getting non-merit financial aid at an Ivy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

It's like your saying "Hey, we're about to spend half a million bucks on our kid's college!" And you want people to pretend you didn't just say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

It's like your saying "Hey, we're about to spend half a million bucks on our kid's college!" And you want people to pretend you didn't just say that.

It's not clear at all that the OP is going to spend that. Maybe she is, but maybe her kid is getting financial aid.
Either way, it's just a given fact that the cost of college has gotten out of hand. For everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

??? Saying "that's expensive" is like saying the sun comes up in the east. We all know that.
Is your problem that they're making an obvious point? A little confused.

NP. The problem is that it's simply tacky and rude to blurt about the cost of, well, anything. I do agree with the PP who notes that her DH (and others) sometimes just say things like this without thinking and editing before it jumps out of their mouths, and don't intend to be rude. But those with a filter need to use it when something obviously expensive like college is the subject of discussion.

If I mention that my kid does extracurricular activity X, it's impolite for someone to say, "Oh, those fees must add up!" Or if a friend mentions he's going on a trip overseas, it would be rude and rather weird for my comment to be, "That's expensive" instead of "What do you hope to see?" And so on. What people pay for things is not up for discussion unless it is the actual point of the discussion, like when friends are comparing prices because they're both in the market for a certain type of item. But OP is referring to reactions to the initial news about where her kid will go -- OP isn't referring to discussions about financial aid or tuition payment options.

[Anonymous]

When I tell people my kid is going to instate school I get "what a great deal!"

I think it is a normal reaction OP. Why are you so defensive about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly - most people just don't know! My oldest and 3rd DD went to ivies and if you haven't had a kid go you would not know (as I didn't coming from a very middle/middle class background) that even our family with a very comfortably HHI of $500K most years got large awards/grants/whatever they call them so these 'high cost' privates with large endowments often cost about the same as in-state (OK not apples to apples but not apples to diamonds!!) My middle when to a small private on same set of financials and because it is not a wealthy school - we paid much more there.

You are the only person on DCUM with a high HHI that admits to getting non-merit financial aid at an Ivy.

I view don't give merit aid but do forgive loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly - most people just don't know! My oldest and 3rd DD went to ivies and if you haven't had a kid go you would not know (as I didn't coming from a very middle/middle class background) that even our family with a very comfortably HHI of $500K most years got large awards/grants/whatever they call them so these 'high cost' privates with large endowments often cost about the same as in-state (OK not apples to apples but not apples to diamonds!!) My middle when to a small private on same set of financials and because it is not a wealthy school - we paid much more there.

You are the only person on DCUM with a high HHI that admits to getting non-merit financial aid at an Ivy.

I view don't give merit aid but do forgive loans.

Sorry, don't understand. Can you elaborate? I didn't know that Ivies give out loans that they intend to collect later..

[Anonymous]

Just say 'yeah, you"re telling me.' So you're agreeing with an obvious fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

??? Saying "that's expensive" is like saying the sun comes up in the east. We all know that.
Is your problem that they're making an obvious point? A little confused.

NP. The problem is that it's simply tacky and rude to blurt about the cost of, well, anything. I do agree with the PP who notes that her DH (and others) sometimes just say things like this without thinking and editing before it jumps out of their mouths, and don't intend to be rude. But those with a filter need to use it when something obviously expensive like college is the subject of discussion.

If I mention that my kid does extracurricular activity X, it's impolite for someone to say, "Oh, those fees must add up!" Or if a friend mentions he's going on a trip overseas, it would be rude and rather weird for my comment to be, "That's expensive" instead of "What do you hope to see?" And so on. What people pay for things is not up for discussion unless it is the actual point of the discussion, like when friends are comparing prices because they're both in the market for a certain type of item. But OP is referring to reactions to the initial news about where her kid will go -- OP isn't referring to discussions about financial aid or tuition payment options.

OP here. Totally agree. If somebody tells you about a car or house or anything else where somebody has made the choice to spend more $$$ than usual, the response "that's expensive" would be considered impolite. And yet people (who I still consider to be nice, polite individuals) have no problem saying "that's expensive" in response to a college. I don't think they would feel as free to make a similar comment about someone's house, car, etc. The fact that it's college somehow removes the inhibitions. I find that interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

??? Saying "that's expensive" is like saying the sun comes up in the east. We all know that.
Is your problem that they're making an obvious point? A little confused.

NP. The problem is that it's simply tacky and rude to blurt about the cost of, well, anything. I do agree with the PP who notes that her DH (and others) sometimes just say things like this without thinking and editing before it jumps out of their mouths, and don't intend to be rude. But those with a filter need to use it when something obviously expensive like college is the subject of discussion.

If I mention that my kid does extracurricular activity X, it's impolite for someone to say, "Oh, those fees must add up!" Or if a friend mentions he's going on a trip overseas, it would be rude and rather weird for my comment to be, "That's expensive" instead of "What do you hope to see?" And so on. What people pay for things is not up for discussion unless it is the actual point of the discussion, like when friends are comparing prices because they're both in the market for a certain type of item. But OP is referring to reactions to the initial news about where her kid will go -- OP isn't referring to discussions about financial aid or tuition payment options.

OP here. Totally agree. If somebody tells you about a car or house or anything else where somebody has made the choice to spend more $$$ than usual, the response "that's expensive" would be considered impolite. And yet people (who I still consider to be nice, polite individuals) have no problem saying "that's expensive" in response to a college. I don't think they would feel as free to make a similar comment about someone's house, car, etc. The fact that it's college somehow removes the inhibitions. I find that interesting.

Give it a rest already! Be happy that you can afford to send your kid to an expensive school, agree with their comment and move on..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

??? Saying "that's expensive" is like saying the sun comes up in the east. We all know that.
Is your problem that they're making an obvious point? A little confused.

NP. The problem is that it's simply tacky and rude to blurt about the cost of, well, anything. I do agree with the PP who notes that her DH (and others) sometimes just say things like this without thinking and editing before it jumps out of their mouths, and don't intend to be rude. But those with a filter need to use it when something obviously expensive like college is the subject of discussion.

If I mention that my kid does extracurricular activity X, it's impolite for someone to say, "Oh, those fees must add up!" Or if a friend mentions he's going on a trip overseas, it would be rude and rather weird for my comment to be, "That's expensive" instead of "What do you hope to see?" And so on. What people pay for things is not up for discussion unless it is the actual point of the discussion, like when friends are comparing prices because they're both in the market for a certain type of item. But OP is referring to reactions to the initial news about where her kid will go -- OP isn't referring to discussions about financial aid or tuition payment options.

OP here. Totally agree. If somebody tells you about a car or house or anything else where somebody has made the choice to spend more $$$ than usual, the response "that's expensive" would be considered impolite. And yet people (who I still consider to be nice, polite individuals) have no problem saying "that's expensive" in response to a college. I don't think they would feel as free to make a similar comment about someone's house, car, etc. The fact that it's college somehow removes the inhibitions. I find that interesting.

Give it a rest already! Be happy that you can afford to send your kid to an expensive school, agree with their comment and move on..

Thank you Mr. Internet Tough Guy! Where would we be without you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

are you afraid to answer?
Do you not want to tell them you're getting financial aid?
Or are you reluctant to tell them you need any financial aid?

I mean these schools are costing 65K +. For most people it is a big issue.

OP here. You ask if I'm afraid to answer...when somebody says "that's expensive", that isn't a question...it's just fishing for a response. To be honest, if somebody asked me any of the questions you list, I would answer.

??? Saying "that's expensive" is like saying the sun comes up in the east. We all know that.
Is your problem that they're making an obvious point? A little confused.

NP. The problem is that it's simply tacky and rude to blurt about the cost of, well, anything. I do agree with the PP who notes that her DH (and others) sometimes just say things like this without thinking and editing before it jumps out of their mouths, and don't intend to be rude. But those with a filter need to use it when something obviously expensive like college is the subject of discussion.

If I mention that my kid does extracurricular activity X, it's impolite for someone to say, "Oh, those fees must add up!" Or if a friend mentions he's going on a trip overseas, it would be rude and rather weird for my comment to be, "That's expensive" instead of "What do you hope to see?" And so on. What people pay for things is not up for discussion unless it is the actual point of the discussion, like when friends are comparing prices because they're both in the market for a certain type of item. But OP is referring to reactions to the initial news about where her kid will go -- OP isn't referring to discussions about financial aid or tuition payment options.

OP here. Totally agree. If somebody tells you about a car or house or anything else where somebody has made the choice to spend more $$$ than usual, the response "that's expensive" would be considered impolite. And yet people (who I still consider to be nice, polite individuals) have no problem saying "that's expensive" in response to a college. I don't think they would feel as free to make a similar comment about someone's house, car, etc. The fact that it's college somehow removes the inhibitions. I find that interesting.

But they do, actually, say similar things about cars (ooh, so fancy!). With colleges, people know the price. It seems unremarkable to me as a comment, and what's odd is that you seem to be bothered. Why?

[Anonymous]

It's more polite than what they're really thinking, which is "Sucker!!!"

[Anonymous]

It says a lot about the responder. They are small minded or, a least, very socially awkward.

[Anonymous]

OP, so many people are raised w/o manners. That is what public schools do for the masses. Unless you go private, you don't learn manners unless your mom teaches you.