Why Is It Acceptable To Highlight The Cost Of My Kid's School?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're could be commiserating and making conversation in a lame way, want an opportunity to vent about their cost or sad that they couldn't afford a top choice school for their own kid even if that was years ago It's hardly ever really going to be about you. I wouldn't be offended. College decision time makes people crazy.

OP here. I think commiserating is probably the best assumption most of the time. One friend of mine with zero filter was clearly questioning how I spend my money...but our relationship is close enough that we could go there.

[Anonymous]

My dc also goes to a top 10 school, and when folks have commented on the expense of it (which has not happened all that often), I have replied "indeed!", "it's worth it" or "yes, but it's the perfect fit for my dc".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're could be commiserating and making conversation in a lame way, want an opportunity to vent about their cost or sad that they couldn't afford a top choice school for their own kid even if that was years ago It's hardly ever really going to be about you. I wouldn't be offended. College decision time makes people crazy.

OP here. I think commiserating is probably the best assumption most of the time. One friend of mine with zero filter was clearly questioning how I spend my money...but our relationship is close enough that we could go there.

+1 OP be careful not to extrapolate from your no-filter closer friend to acquaintances just looking to connect. Often, the best assumption turns out to be true and I think this PP is right on. Sometimes in conversation when people don't have good social skills, we can up our own game to make up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not anyone else's business. With Trump in the WH, people feel to say anything

Seriously??? This is Trump's fault too??? Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Which school is it? I promise I won't respond with "that's expensive ".

[Anonymous]

When I hear this, I usually think it means "we had to tell our kid they couldn't apply to similar cost schools." Sometimes it's accompanied by a statement like "our kid was interested in X school but we told them they had to stick to in-state schools and schools that give merit scholarships."

I am extremely sympathetic to this, but I don't have a good response that would give the impression I'd prefer to give. We're very lucky to be able to afford the pricier school (with help from grandparents and a lot that we were lucky to be able to save). I'm not at all thinking that other parents (who often have kids who will be in college at the same time, which we won't) are doing anything negative by telling their kids to look only at state schools or schools where merit awards are possible. I would like to have a response that doesn't sound like gloating or that could be interpreted to mean that we made better financial decisions, because I don't think that -- everyone has their own story and their own expenses, we were very lucky to buy our home before the market went up crazily, etc. etc. But I think anything we said along the lines of "we're lucky to be able to make it work" would come off negatively to parents who aren't able to make it work for a more expensive college, especially if their kid really wanted to go to one.

I may adopt the "I know, college costs are crazy these days" suggestion from up above, and then try to change the subject quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not anyone else's business. With Trump in the WH, people feel to say anything

What are you talking about? We all know what these schools cost. "Wow, that's expensive" is a simple statement of fact.
Many people legitimately bemoan the cost of college these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which school is it? I promise I won't respond with "that's expensive ".

It's one of the expensive ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People ask where my kid is going to school this fall. It's a top-10 USNWR school, so when I tell them, the response is either:

1) Congrats!
2) Wow, that's expensive.

Why is #2 a socially acceptable response?

If somebody tells you where they live or the car they drive, would you respond "that's expensive"?

To be honest, all the people who have said this to me are nice folks. They aren't jerks...which makes the response even more puzzling.

Thoughts? All snark welcome.

Reply: I know! It is like paying cash for two new Honda Accords a year. And we don't even get to drive them off the lot!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's a bit odd, but not a big deal. Just say "yeah, college costs are crazy," and move the conversation forward. It's nothing worth getting offended about.

[Anonymous]

I am sure no matter how much money you have there are a shit on of other ways you could spend that tuition money. I think they are just venting /commiserating that it sucks that a good education costs so much. Kudos that you have the kind of money to required to provide your kid the best education you can.

[Anonymous]

I think both are perfectly acceptable responses, except that your child should always be congratulated BEFORE talking about how expensive his college is. I suspect you're a little oversensitive about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think both are perfectly acceptable responses, except that your child should always be congratulated BEFORE talking about how expensive his college is. I suspect you're a little oversensitive about this.

Agree, I'm not sure why this is such a puzzler to people. Are some of you under the impression that college is NOT expensive? Newsflash: It's far, far more costly, relatively speaking, than it was when we went to college. So yeah, "Wow, that'll cost you!" should be taken as a statement of the obvious, no more. Kind of like when someone said to you today, "Wow, it's a scorcher out there!" The answer is, "It sure is." or "Indeed." or "You can say that again!" No need to share any secrets about financial aid or your giant paycheck or your child's trust fund or that you expect to end up in the poor house. Anyone who asks about or expects to hear about things like that *is* being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're inviting you to comisserate on the high cost of college.

Don't be such a snowflake.

+1,000

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc also goes to a top 10 school, and when folks have commented on the expense of it (which has not happened all that often), I have replied "indeed!", "it's worth it" or "yes, but it's the perfect fit for my dc".

I say "I will find ways to make him pay it back to me" or "he earned it" with a wink