Do I owe this to MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm NOT a fan of my MIL at all, but I let her be there for the birth of our child for the same reasons. She is usually a loud busybody, but she behaved. She also stayed behind a partition in the room (per the doctor), so that helped. Maybe talk with your doctor and see if she can TELL the moms to step around a partition, or into the hallway, once you start pushing and until the baby arrives.

FWIW, as much as I don't care for my MIL, I really couldn't have cared less that she was there. It was nice for everyone to be there in those first few minutes.

I pushed for 3 hours with one of my babies. I can not imagine knowing that grandma was in the hallway anxiously dying to get in while it was taking so long. PASS.

OP, like others have said, this is something that's just NOT OKAY to ask. It sucks she doesn't understand that, but if this damages your relationship that will be HER CHOICE, not yours. As a medical professional, she should know better.

[Anonymous]

Whose going to watch your older kids? If your mom and DH are with you, why doesn't MIL get the very important job of watching the big kids?

[Anonymous]

There is no "right" answer here. It's 100% your choice. If you're not comfortable with it, that's beyond understandable. If you can find a way to be comfortable with it, then you will be giving her an incredible gift. But, no, you don't owe it to her.

[Anonymous]

I think it's unfair of her to even have burdened you with this information. IMO, being in the delivery room for birth is not something you bring up, but rather something you wait to be invited to share. Which leaves it solely up to the pregnant woman.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange to me. My mom has two daughters and a son, and between my sister and I, we've had 4 kids. My mom never made a peep about wanting to be in the delivery room, and neither did our mothers in law. My mom would NEVER ask to be in the room with my brother's wife if they ever have kids. And I'm super close to my mom- talk to her every day, texting multiple more times than that.

I get that your MIL is different than my mom, but childbirth is a messy business. Being a nurse in the room with a family member is completely different than for a non-relative. If you don't want your MIL there, it doesn't matter how many other things she's asked for. My kid doesn't ask for anything other than to watch Daniel Tiger, but that doesn't mean she gets what she wants just because it's the only thing she's begging for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm NOT a fan of my MIL at all, but I let her be there for the birth of our child for the same reasons. She is usually a loud busybody, but she behaved. She also stayed behind a partition in the room (per the doctor), so that helped. Maybe talk with your doctor and see if she can TELL the moms to step around a partition, or into the hallway, once you start pushing and until the baby arrives.

FWIW, as much as I don't care for my MIL, I really couldn't have cared less that she was there. It was nice for everyone to be there in those first few minutes.

I pushed for 3 hours with one of my babies. I can not imagine knowing that grandma was in the hallway anxiously dying to get in while it was taking so long. PASS.

OP, like others have said, this is something that's just NOT OKAY to ask. It sucks she doesn't understand that, but if this damages your relationship that will be HER CHOICE, not yours. As a medical professional, she should know better.

Aren't they all grown-ups? MIL can ask, OP can say No. Or OP can say Yes. It doesn't have to damage their relationship for MIL to ask a question.

[Anonymous]

By burdening you with this request and these "reasons," by putting this pressure on you, MIL has already proven that she cannot put you and your needs as a patient FIRST during the birth experience.

Just. Say. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By burdening you with this request and these "reasons," by putting this pressure on you, MIL has already proven that she cannot put you and your needs as a patient FIRST during the birth experience.

Just. Say. No.

Excellent logic. If a person asks a sensitive question, the automatic answer is No. Because.

[Anonymous]

I have a great relationship with my MIL and no way would I honor that request. Let her come later that day after the baby is born--tell her she can be the first official visitor or something.

You have no idea what will happen during the birth. My third baby came out not breathing and they were trying to revive him/whisked him away. I freaked. God forbid something would happen and it's highly likely it won't, but the point is that all births are not peaceful. She doesn't need to be there and can hold the baby later.

[Anonymous]

She WAS a nurse and thinks you should want her for her medical expertise? That's a red flag--unless she's a current or very recent L&D nurse it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She WAS a nurse and thinks you should want her for her medical expertise? That's a red flag--unless she's a current or very recent L&D nurse it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

NP. I LOVE my mom who is a labor and delivery nurse. She was with me at my birth and it was extremely annoying. She tried to help me breathe and kept monitoring decels. I wanted to scream at her to get out. It was bad. Laboring moms don't want medical advice from people who are there for emotional support. I'm banning my mom from the hospital this time. I will have zero visitors and no one is going to tell me to breathe.

[Anonymous]

I allowed my mom and MIL in the room. I know that's not popular on DCUM. If a nurse I had never met before and NICU team of random people were going to see me give birth, why not let the baby's grandmothers? I just didn't think it was a big deal. And I'm a very modest person usually. I think of my MIL as more of a second mom though. I also think childbirth is pretty amazing and don't get embarrassed when I think of myself giving birth.

[Anonymous]

I really don't get who on earth would want to do this.

My mom had 7 kids vsginally and was a nurse. When my oldest brother gave birth she asked my mom to be in the room and my mom was pretty horrified but agreed because she didn't want to offend. As it turned out, things went idffenrey than planned so she did t have to go.

I would not want anyone in the room. Just blech. Maybe you can joke she can go to your next Pap smear instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I allowed my mom and MIL in the room. I know that's not popular on DCUM. If a nurse I had never met before and NICU team of random people were going to see me give birth, why not let the baby's grandmothers? I just didn't think it was a big deal. And I'm a very modest person usually. I think of my MIL as more of a second mom though. I also think childbirth is pretty amazing and don't get embarrassed when I think of myself giving birth.

I'm really not embarrassed by sex or by walking around naked either, but I wouldn't do that in from of my MIL.

[Anonymous]

YOU are having the baby. YOU get to decide what you want. It doesn't matter that she's a nurse, that it's your third, that you blah blah blah anything. YOUR BODY, YOUR DECISION. Case closed.

She will have to realize at however old an age she is, that she simply doesn't get everything she wants in life.