I feel completely unappreciated by my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit slamming the choices of other women. This is anti feminism.

I honestly can't understand why anyone cares what anyone else does with their day. Even if a SAHM chooses to lay around all day (which most of them I know don't), why does anyone care. Is it jealousy? There's so much anger about it every single time it comes up I just don't get it. Besides the fact it had nothing to do with the original post. I know plenty of working moms whose kids don't appreciate what they do either.

Because they complain so often about how hard they have it and nobody appreciates them blah, blah, blah.

The WAH/WOH moms do the same shit--but are working also when the kids are at school.

I think that's why they get the cynicism.

If somebody said it's great "I get to watch my shows, workout and nap", I would understand. But --when they have all the time (6.5 hours while kids are in school every day) and then want to moan they have it so hard and nobody appreciates them..I think "Bitch, please!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

Working women still do all of that stuff which is why they give the eye roll to the "have it so hard-SAHM type".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit slamming the choices of other women. This is anti feminism.

I honestly can't understand why anyone cares what anyone else does with their day. Even if a SAHM chooses to lay around all day (which most of them I know don't), why does anyone care. Is it jealousy? There's so much anger about it every single time it comes up I just don't get it. Besides the fact it had nothing to do with the original post. I know plenty of working moms whose kids don't appreciate what they do either.

Because they complain so often about how hard they have it and nobody appreciates them blah, blah, blah.

The WAH/WOH moms do the same shit--but are working also when the kids are at school.

I think that's why they get the cynicism.

If somebody said it's great "I get to watch my shows, workout and nap", I would understand. But --when they have all the time (6.5 hours while kids are in school every day) and then want to moan they have it so hard and nobody appreciates them..I think "Bitch, please!"

Yeah, right! That's a good one. I bet you would.

I can't for the life of me fathom why some people get so worked up over this. I SAH and respect both women who work and those who don't, unless they aren't taking care of their business. Because "they" complain so much? Who? All SAHMs? I don't complain at all. I am fully aware that I have it good. Though saying this probably makes you hate me in a different way. There's no winning with a person who's committed to being bitter and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

How are your kids allowed to speak to you like that? My mom was a SAHM and there is no way I would ever utter those words to her. If she or my dad ever heard me say anything like that then my life as I knew it would be over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

I'm a parent and don't appreciate that my mother was a SAHM. My brother and I BEGGED her to get a job. She watched tv or slept all day. We'd come home at 2:30 from middle school and she wouldn't have cleaned up from breakfast. She'd have left us a note to wake her 15 minutes before our dad was coming home or 15 minutes before she had to drive us somewhere. She never cleaned the house. She once tried to tell us she washed the outside of the washing machine and dryer and my brother and I burst out laughing. When we were home sick we just watched tv with her - she didn't actively do anything for us. She'd always try to claim she was so busy when we were at school, making calls and doing things. But nothing was done. Our dad did the laundry each night when he got home from work starting a load before he cooked dinner, and then we helped fold and put away. He ironed on weekends. We cleaned with him on weekends. Sometimes my mom cleaned up from dinner.

Some stay at home parents really ARE doing a lot but some are deluding themselves into thinking they're being productive.

Ummmm. . . you do realize she probably had/has some psychiatric issues, right? This is so sad that as an adult you can't look back at her behavior and realize something else was going on besides her being a shitty parent that didn't care about you.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you speak of your day with your children, how do you describe it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

It's 'their.'

You allow them to speak to you this way. They don't respect you because you don't act like you deserve it.

No it's "they are"

You're both right, although 2nd PP looks ridiculous for correcting 1st PP.

"They are 11 and 13" is perfectly correct as is, so yes, 2nd PP.

However, in "...so easy and there life is ..." It should in fact be "their", as 1st PP correctly observed.


BUT the grammar nitpicking is rather beside the point. OP, I can see how this would drive you nuts. Perhaps it's time to significantly increase the contribution that they are expected to make to the household? One doesn't tend to appreciate what one is able to take for granted, and if in fact your job is "easy" they have no logical grounds for complaint when you inform them that now parts of it are their job instead. As for their life being hard, I would either ignore those comments, or ask if they need you to take on more of a role in managing their lives to make it easier for them (by which I mean more rules & micromanagement of homework and such, if it's too hard for them to manage privileges and freedoms on their own), or simply fake empathize and tell them sure it is but you've btdt and you managed fine so you're sure they will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

It's 'their.'

You allow them to speak to you this way. They don't respect you because you don't act like you deserve it.

No it's "they are"

You're both right, although 2nd PP looks ridiculous for correcting 1st PP.

"They are 11 and 13" is perfectly correct as is, so yes, 2nd PP.

However, in "...so easy and there life is ..." It should in fact be "their", as 1st PP correctly observed.


BUT the grammar nitpicking is rather beside the point. OP, I can see how this would drive you nuts. Perhaps it's time to significantly increase the contribution that they are expected to make to the household? One doesn't tend to appreciate what one is able to take for granted, and if in fact your job is "easy" they have no logical grounds for complaint when you inform them that now parts of it are their job instead. As for their life being hard, I would either ignore those comments, or ask if they need you to take on more of a role in managing their lives to make it easier for them (by which I mean more rules & micromanagement of homework and such, if it's too hard for them to manage privileges and freedoms on their own), or simply fake empathize and tell them sure it is but you've btdt and you managed fine so you're sure they will too.

Thanks! Good advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

I'm a parent and don't appreciate that my mother was a SAHM. My brother and I BEGGED her to get a job. She watched tv or slept all day. We'd come home at 2:30 from middle school and she wouldn't have cleaned up from breakfast. She'd have left us a note to wake her 15 minutes before our dad was coming home or 15 minutes before she had to drive us somewhere. She never cleaned the house. She once tried to tell us she washed the outside of the washing machine and dryer and my brother and I burst out laughing. When we were home sick we just watched tv with her - she didn't actively do anything for us. She'd always try to claim she was so busy when we were at school, making calls and doing things. But nothing was done. Our dad did the laundry each night when he got home from work starting a load before he cooked dinner, and then we helped fold and put away. He ironed on weekends. We cleaned with him on weekends. Sometimes my mom cleaned up from dinner.

Some stay at home parents really ARE doing a lot but some are deluding themselves into thinking they're being productive.

Ummmm. . . you do realize she probably had/has some psychiatric issues, right? This is so sad that as an adult you can't look back at her behavior and realize something else was going on besides her being a shitty parent that didn't care about you.

NP here. It is pretty cruel to ask a child who was raised like this to "show appreciation" based only on a single paragraph and broad assumptions about the mother's mental healh. I don't understand the need on this board to immediately diagnose any woman who struggles or struggled with SAH with some sort of severe mental illness. Maybe PPs mom was clinically depressed, but maybe she wasn't. How can you possibly know from what the original poster wrote? In either case, why on earth are you and the other PP who said the same thing expecting her child to "show appreciation" and going on about how it's "so sad" that she isn't? Why don't you try showing some compassion before demanding it of others?

DCUM is so unforgiving and isolating of both women who don't like or struggle emotionally with SAH and their kids who -- through no choice of their own -- struggled alongside those moms. It is so Stepford here sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

I can't stand women like you. I SAH with now teen kids because my husband travels all the time, I have two special needs kids, we have aging parents who need a lot of assistance. Got it?

Feeling is pretty mutual, lady. I can't stand a SAHM with an attitude like yours, who thinks just because she has older parents and SN kids that her life is so much harder. I work 60 hrs/week and DH works 40-50 hrs/week depending on his shift (federal agent) plus travels frequently for training, etc. Yet, our house still runs smoothly with two teens and they aren't unappreciative. It ran smoothly when we had two little kids. We learned to prioritize and utilize our time wisely. Dinner is always cooked at home, except for Friday, which is our traditional take out night. Laundry is done. House is cleaned. Groceries are purchased. Know how it runs smoothly? Because we give our kids chores to do to contribute to the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

I can't stand women like you. I SAH with now teen kids because my husband travels all the time, I have two special needs kids, we have aging parents who need a lot of assistance. Got it?

OMFG. OP doesn't have special needs kids or elderly parents but it sounds like two able body teens/tweens. Even if DH was in the military and deployed, she would have a very easy life, with all day everyday available to clean, launder, and make diners with ample leisure time.

And I'm sorry, folks who volunteer (especially at their kids school or church) -- that is just another form of recreation. I think you are helping people (though depends, since many teachers wish they could be free of helicopter parents), and depends on your role at church whether it benefits community or simply your relgious sect alone. (feeding the homeless vs developing Sunday school curriculum).

But I was saying that there isn't that much time between kids departure and when they have to shuffled to afternoon activity, and the day would fly by with gum, a coffee break and fiddling with the house. I really doubt OP is sitting around watching soaps like the PP mom who clearly suffered from depression.

This is so true. I work with volunteers on a regular basis at my job and it's very clear many of them aren't there to actually help, they're there to make themselves feel good. A lot of the stuff they do is redundant and they expect everyone to be so darn thankful for their presence.

And as far as people judging SAHM's who lay around, well, that wouldn't happen so much if there weren't so many sanctimonious stay at home moms. "Oh, I could never put my kids in daycare. I dedicate myself 100% to my family." Stfu.

Yes! And stop volunteering so much in the classrooms. Your presence isn't needed every single day. You're a distraction rather than a help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

That's 31.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

Working women still do all of that stuff which is why they give the eye roll to the "have it so hard-SAHM type".

Really? Crazy. I was under the impression that working women paid handily for others to watch their children during the day. I didn't realize they were earning an income while doing all that SAHM do all day. That's pretty awesome.