I feel completely unappreciated by my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

Working women still do all of that stuff which is why they give the eye roll to the "have it so hard-SAHM type".

Really? Crazy. I was under the impression that working women paid handily for others to watch their children during the day. I didn't realize they were earning an income while doing all that SAHM do all day. That's pretty awesome.

Op's kids are 11 and 13, you fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

What does you me husband say? Mine would get my kids in line right quick.

Same. But he probably doesn't respect her either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

What does you me husband say? Mine would get my kids in line right quick.

Same. But he probably doesn't respect her either.

Adding to PPs - does your husband show appreciation for your contributions? And do you show appreciation for his? IMO this needs to be modeled in BOTH directions in a way that is obvious to the kids.

For example - if I make dinner, DH leads the "thank you for dinner!" and then nudges the kids until they say the same. If he makes dinner (or takes out the trash or changes a light bulb or does dishes or whatever), I say thank you and nudge the kids. They can still be kind of self-absorbed at times, but I think this has helped at least set the expectation that we will ALL appreciate each other.

And btw, this extends to the parents showing appreciation to kids when they do things for the family, even their normal chores. If I want to be appreciated for normal daily stuff, I should give them the same courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Damn all this dumb stuff.... sometimes people don't miss you until you're gone... I'd be "gone" for a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

What does you me husband say? Mine would get my kids in line right quick.

Same. But he probably doesn't respect her either.

Adding to PPs - does your husband show appreciation for your contributions? And do you show appreciation for his? IMO this needs to be modeled in BOTH directions in a way that is obvious to the kids.

For example - if I make dinner, DH leads the "thank you for dinner!" and then nudges the kids until they say the same. If he makes dinner (or takes out the trash or changes a light bulb or does dishes or whatever), I say thank you and nudge the kids. They can still be kind of self-absorbed at times, but I think this has helped at least set the expectation that we will ALL appreciate each other.

And btw, this extends to the parents showing appreciation to kids when they do things for the family, even their normal chores. If I want to be appreciated for normal daily stuff, I should give them the same courtesy.

Same here. I echo PP that if my kids treated me that way both DH and I would set them straight so quickly their heads would spin. Why do you allow this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all the responses. Kids need to learn to be appreciative if they aren't already. You need to make sure they show appreciation to good teachers in various ways. Your significant other needs to make sure they show appreciation to you and vice versa. This will help them throughout life. Spouses wanted to be appreciated by eachother and so do friends. Life shill.

Ignore the obnoxious comments about sahm. People happy with their life choices usually don't judge. There is something to be said for having a parent mom or DAD home making meals that aren't filled with sodium and preservatives, keeping things somewhat tidy, helping with homework as needed and being well rested enough to be calm for everyone else flipping out. To those who work full time outside the home and do everything a SAHM mom does too and you aren't in the middle of a manic phase, awesome. You truly are super-people. Kudos. You are part of the less than !% of the population with endless energy, patience, etc. Don't judge those who aren't like you. Empathy is important to model for our kids.

Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

I feel sorry for any woman who is married to a man that complains about having to unload the dishwasher. Or that complains about there being no food in the house. Good lord!

I was a SAHM until my kid started K. I couldn't do it full time because by Tuesday my household chores were done and that was when my kid was in pre-k.

[Anonymous]

We added more chores and minimal as they are havehelped this outlook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

I feel sorry for any woman who is married to a man that complains about having to unload the dishwasher. Or that complains about there being no food in the house. Good lord!

I was a SAHM until my kid started K. I couldn't do it full time because by Tuesday my household chores were done and that was when my kid was in pre-k.

I didn't say he complained (that I don't know). But, when there is a huge differential in income, the added stress a former SAHM's job puts on the primary bread-winner who often works 60-80 hours/week may in fact may not be worth it. Say dad makes $400k, mom's kids are now in MS and she goes back to work to earn $50k. That may be the right decision for the family in part because it will force everyone, even the kids to pitch in more around the house. Or it may stress mom dad out, prevent them from getting to the gym, and cooking healthy meals, and decrease everyone's quality of life. The impacts of stress on our health are REAL. Don't judge people because they choose a different path than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

+1

I hear it a lot from my male coworkers and male friends that wish their wives went back to work after kids were older/school age.

Until they do and the DH has to start unloading the dishwasher and paying the bills and the fridge isn't stocked and DH has to share the sick day child care and then he thinks and she makes how much??? Not worth it. I'm seeing this right now with a neighbor.

I feel sorry for any woman who is married to a man that complains about having to unload the dishwasher. Or that complains about there being no food in the house. Good lord!

I was a SAHM until my kid started K. I couldn't do it full time because by Tuesday my household chores were done and that was when my kid was in pre-k.

I didn't say he complained (that I don't know). But, when there is a huge differential in income, the added stress a former SAHM's job puts on the primary bread-winner who often works 60-80 hours/week may in fact may not be worth it. Say dad makes $400k, mom's kids are now in MS and she goes back to work to earn $50k. That may be the right decision for the family in part because it will force everyone, even the kids to pitch in more around the house. Or it may stress mom dad out, prevent them from getting to the gym, and cooking healthy meals, and decrease everyone's quality of life. The impacts of stress on our health are REAL. Don't judge people because they choose a different path than you do.

Or perhaps he could stop working 80 hours a week and check into his family.