I feel completely unappreciated by my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

It's 'their.'

You allow them to speak to you this way. They don't respect you because you don't act like you deserve it.

No it's "they are"

What? No, it's not. "... and they are life is sooo hard..."? No, their is correct. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

I'm a parent and don't appreciate that my mother was a SAHM. My brother and I BEGGED her to get a job. She watched tv or slept all day. We'd come home at 2:30 from middle school and she wouldn't have cleaned up from breakfast. She'd have left us a note to wake her 15 minutes before our dad was coming home or 15 minutes before she had to drive us somewhere. She never cleaned the house. She once tried to tell us she washed the outside of the washing machine and dryer and my brother and I burst out laughing. When we were home sick we just watched tv with her - she didn't actively do anything for us. She'd always try to claim she was so busy when we were at school, making calls and doing things. But nothing was done. Our dad did the laundry each night when he got home from work starting a load before he cooked dinner, and then we helped fold and put away. He ironed on weekends. We cleaned with him on weekends. Sometimes my mom cleaned up from dinner.

Some stay at home parents really ARE doing a lot but some are deluding themselves into thinking they're being productive.

That's awful that your mom was clearly depressed I hope she got help and that you are more compassionate than you appear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

Obnoxious. Go elsewhere with your nastiness.

See above. PP says she didn't mean it any bad way. Only that there's not time to get much more done between drop off and pick up.

[Anonymous]

I was a Nanny for an 8 and 11yo many many years ago. The 8 yo said this to me one day. So I told him he could be me for a day and do my job. Obviously I drove but I made him tell me when it was time to leave, direct me to where we were going, make breakfast, pack lunches, and plan and make dinner. Also had him do laundry etc . After one day he realised it wasnt as easy as I made it look.

Try making them responsible for what you do for one day OP

[Anonymous]

Quit slamming the choices of other women. This is anti feminism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit slamming the choices of other women. This is anti feminism.

I honestly can't understand why anyone cares what anyone else does with their day. Even if a SAHM chooses to lay around all day (which most of them I know don't), why does anyone care. Is it jealousy? There's so much anger about it every single time it comes up I just don't get it. Besides the fact it had nothing to do with the original post. I know plenty of working moms whose kids don't appreciate what they do either.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you don't want to hear it anymore.
This is about them being sassy and you taking it
This is different then expecting them to appreciate you
Op, you can't be doing your job as a parent and expect appreciation
That's not effective parenting when you expect that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

It's 'their.'

You allow them to speak to you this way. They don't respect you because you don't act like you deserve it.

No it's "they are"

Yes I didn't see the one that needed correction whoops!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit slamming the choices of other women. This is anti feminism.

I honestly can't understand why anyone cares what anyone else does with their day. Even if a SAHM chooses to lay around all day (which most of them I know don't), why does anyone care. Is it jealousy? There's so much anger about it every single time it comes up I just don't get it. Besides the fact it had nothing to do with the original post. I know plenty of working moms whose kids don't appreciate what they do either.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

Retired at 35? Sounds fabulous. I'm gong to start thinking of the time when I quit working to raise my three kids as "my retirement." Who wouldn't want that? I'm always hearing people counting the days til they can retire in their 60's. I got to do it at 31! I get to spend every day doing things I enjoy. Taking care of my family is at the top of list of the ways I spend my time, but many other things, too.

It makes me sad to hear of moms - ANY moms - who are not appreciated by their children. Mine are appreciative and don't talk disrespectfully to me. If my 16 year old ds does get short with me, he almost always comes and apologizes later. They have their challenges, of course, they all do. But nobody deserves to feel disrespected. It's especially hard when it's by someone whom you do so much for. My dh always thanks for me for the things I do for him (and vice versa) like picking up his drycleaning, every night when he sits down to the dinner that I made, doing his laundry, etc. My kids model his behavior and I think that has played a big part. OP, if you're married, do you and your spouse show gratitude towards one another?

[Anonymous]

I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bet the root of OP problem is her DH doesn't appreciate her, and that is something the kids are picking up on? And why it affected her so much? Is that possible, are sniffing up the wrong tree?

That is often part of the problem. It is definitely a parenting issue and OP is smart to ask for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

I can't stand women like you. I SAH with now teen kids because my husband travels all the time, I have two special needs kids, we have aging parents who need a lot of assistance. Got it?

OMFG. OP doesn't have special needs kids or elderly parents but it sounds like two able body teens/tweens. Even if DH was in the military and deployed, she would have a very easy life, with all day everyday available to clean, launder, and make diners with ample leisure time.

And I'm sorry, folks who volunteer (especially at their kids school or church) -- that is just another form of recreation. I think you are helping people (though depends, since many teachers wish they could be free of helicopter parents), and depends on your role at church whether it benefits community or simply your relgious sect alone. (feeding the homeless vs developing Sunday school curriculum).

But I was saying that there isn't that much time between kids departure and when they have to shuffled to afternoon activity, and the day would fly by with gum, a coffee break and fiddling with the house. I really doubt OP is sitting around watching soaps like the PP mom who clearly suffered from depression.

This is so true. I work with volunteers on a regular basis at my job and it's very clear many of them aren't there to actually help, they're there to make themselves feel good. A lot of the stuff they do is redundant and they expect everyone to be so darn thankful for their presence.

And as far as people judging SAHM's who lay around, well, that wouldn't happen so much if there weren't so many sanctimonious stay at home moms. "Oh, I could never put my kids in daycare. I dedicate myself 100% to my family." Stfu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

I'm a parent and don't appreciate that my mother was a SAHM. My brother and I BEGGED her to get a job. She watched tv or slept all day. We'd come home at 2:30 from middle school and she wouldn't have cleaned up from breakfast. She'd have left us a note to wake her 15 minutes before our dad was coming home or 15 minutes before she had to drive us somewhere. She never cleaned the house. She once tried to tell us she washed the outside of the washing machine and dryer and my brother and I burst out laughing. When we were home sick we just watched tv with her - she didn't actively do anything for us. She'd always try to claim she was so busy when we were at school, making calls and doing things. But nothing was done. Our dad did the laundry each night when he got home from work starting a load before he cooked dinner, and then we helped fold and put away. He ironed on weekends. We cleaned with him on weekends. Sometimes my mom cleaned up from dinner.

Some stay at home parents really ARE doing a lot but some are deluding themselves into thinking they're being productive.

That's awful that your mom was clearly depressed I hope she got help and that you are more compassionate than you appear.

She hasn't gotten help. She who has a graduate degree in psychology, is in complete denial about all her issues. From the fact that she spanked us to the fact that her hearing is going now. I had to stop having compassion for her in order to save myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will pass. Time to starting giving them more responsibility for themselves, like doing their laundry, cooking for themselves.

Yes, it will. And then they too will become parents and feel completely shitty for all the things you did that they took for granted. I feel this almost every day at the age of 34 - thankful for everything my parents did, and guilty that I didn't show appreciate when I should have.