I feel completely unappreciated by my kids

[Anonymous]

I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

[Anonymous]

I'd stop doing so much for them.

I'd look at volunteering and having some sort of commitment and fulfillment outside of the house. It will be good for you and for them, since you'll be less available to their whims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

It's 'their.'

You allow them to speak to you this way. They don't respect you because you don't act like you deserve it.

[Anonymous]

What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

I can't stand women like you. I SAH with now teen kids because my husband travels all the time, I have two special needs kids, we have aging parents who need a lot of assistance. Got it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wearing me down- any advice? They are 11 and 13. I SAH and they do make comments like "my job" is so easy and there life is sooo hard- makes me crazy.

It's 'their.'

You allow them to speak to you this way. They don't respect you because you don't act like you deserve it.

No it's "they are"

[Anonymous]

My 11 yr old pulled this on me once so I told him to write a list of his responsibilities and I would write one of mine. Mine was pages long and his barely filled the front of one page. We went through both lists and he saw the huge inequality so he offered to take some off my list. I haven't heard a peep from him since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

I'm a parent and don't appreciate that my mother was a SAHM. My brother and I BEGGED her to get a job. She watched tv or slept all day. We'd come home at 2:30 from middle school and she wouldn't have cleaned up from breakfast. She'd have left us a note to wake her 15 minutes before our dad was coming home or 15 minutes before she had to drive us somewhere. She never cleaned the house. She once tried to tell us she washed the outside of the washing machine and dryer and my brother and I burst out laughing. When we were home sick we just watched tv with her - she didn't actively do anything for us. She'd always try to claim she was so busy when we were at school, making calls and doing things. But nothing was done. Our dad did the laundry each night when he got home from work starting a load before he cooked dinner, and then we helped fold and put away. He ironed on weekends. We cleaned with him on weekends. Sometimes my mom cleaned up from dinner.

Some stay at home parents really ARE doing a lot but some are deluding themselves into thinking they're being productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

I can't stand women like you. I SAH with now teen kids because my husband travels all the time, I have two special needs kids, we have aging parents who need a lot of assistance. Got it?

I, on the other hand, watched 4 hours of Netflix today while eating cheese its and drinking Diet Coke. They'll be home in a minute though, and my job starts. I also spend 30 hours a week volunteering at our church and take a night class so I'm not that lazy. Thursdays I give to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

Here! That would be my three. (11, 13, 16) They thank me every night for dinner. They thank me when I pick up things at the store they need for school, sports, etc. They thank me for driving them places, especially when they know it's inconvenient.

I am a SAHM. The question isn't "what do I do all day?" It's "how would our family run if my dh who works 80 hours a week and travels frequently if I worked outside the house full time?"

[Anonymous]

Here is the deal.. they are playing you.

First, You did not become a parent to be appreciated. They will not appreciate you. You became a parent because you wanted to be a parent. Stop trying to get appreciation. Do things that you enjoy. I enjoy cooking so I cook. I hate putting clothes away so I don't, they do it.

Second, the are trying to piss you off. If you worked they would say "if you were not so busy with work". It has nothing to do with your SAH status. Teens figure out your Achilles heel and they hit you right where it hurts. Figure out why "it's your job" bothers you and deal with that.

Third, it's not okay to be rude, period. They don't have to shower you with appreciation, but they may not be rude. Okay, some stuff, let it go... pick your battles. But if they are treating you badly you straight up tell them. (Don't use "you" statements.. google "I statements" if you don't know what that is).

"It's your job"... "Wow! That hurts, is that your intention, to hurt me? I feel hurt, when you say "it's my job", please don't use that statement again"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kid appreciates their parents until they themselves are parents?

Here! That would be my three. (11, 13, 16) They thank me every night for dinner. They thank me when I pick up things at the store they need for school, sports, etc. They thank me for driving them places, especially when they know it's inconvenient.

I am a SAHM. The question isn't "what do I do all day?" It's "how would our family run if my dh who works 80 hours a week and travels frequently if I worked outside the house full time?"

I would not try to validate your decision with teens.

Just say, "It's really none of your business what I do all day, this was my decision and your dad's decision, that I stay home. When you are an adult you can make your own decision."

or

I feel attacked/demeaned/whatever you feel when you say "what do i do all day", please don't ask me that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

I can't stand women like you. I SAH with now teen kids because my husband travels all the time, I have two special needs kids, we have aging parents who need a lot of assistance. Got it?

OMFG. OP doesn't have special needs kids or elderly parents but it sounds like two able body teens/tweens. Even if DH was in the military and deployed, she would have a very easy life, with all day everyday available to clean, launder, and make diners with ample leisure time.

And I'm sorry, folks who volunteer (especially at their kids school or church) -- that is just another form of recreation. I think you are helping people (though depends, since many teachers wish they could be free of helicopter parents), and depends on your role at church whether it benefits community or simply your relgious sect alone. (feeding the homeless vs developing Sunday school curriculum).

But I was saying that there isn't that much time between kids departure and when they have to shuffled to afternoon activity, and the day would fly by with gum, a coffee break and fiddling with the house. I really doubt OP is sitting around watching soaps like the PP mom who clearly suffered from depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get SAHM's of kids that age, especially when there's only 2 kids and not a whole brood. What do you do all day?

I was a SAHM for 3 years (from when my DD was 1 until she was 4 & DS was birth-2 years) and even with little kids it was hard to fill my days completely each day.

Maybe you do TOO much for them and leave them nothing to do, which creates this lack of appreciation. They don't have to work to receive or accomplish anything in the home.

I'm sure between going to the gym, grabbing coffee, running an errand to fill out some fancy recipe, and endless rr-decorating she keeps herself busy, but she need to realize she essentially retired at 35.

Obnoxious. Go elsewhere with your nastiness.