Teen son was asked to winter formal (girls ask boys) by girl he's not attracted to

[Anonymous]

I think it sucks that common growing up crap is all over message boards to be dissected and micromanaged.

[Anonymous]

He can still go as friends and have a good time, right? It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He felt obliged to say yes. He has a crush on her cuter friend, a girl he runs a student club with. My opinion is the girl he has a crush on is NOT into him, otherwise she wouldn't have permitted her less attractive friend to ask him. Right or wrong?

Note: Girl he has a crush on did not take a date to the dance (many kids went without dates).

How do you draw the conclusion that the girl he has a crush on isn't into him? Does the girl who asked have to ask permission from her friends about who she can and can't ask to a winter formal? Does the "cuter friend" have any say where she gets to permit or not permit someone to ask your son out? WTF kind of soap opera spin are you trying to put on this? Stay the hell out of your son's love life, because you're going to mess everything up for him. If you say anything at all, you tell him to treat his date well, and that's the end of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom - - you know too much. Or claim to which is almost as bad.

I have two teenage boys and this is stuff that they share with me all the time. Why wouldn't a young man talk with his mom about this kind of thing? Is the problem that they would want to come to me for conversation and advice? Or is the problem that I'm not telling them to go talk to their dad or their buddies?

[Anonymous]

He must go with the young lady who asks first. Same way around with the young men. It's nice manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He felt obliged to say yes. He has a crush on her cuter friend, a girl he runs a student club with. My opinion is the girl he has a crush on is NOT into him, otherwise she wouldn't have permitted her less attractive friend to ask him. Right or wrong?

Note: Girl he has a crush on did not take a date to the dance (many kids went without dates).

What is your question?

Don't like that you are rating these girls on looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it sucks that common growing up crap is all over message boards to be dissected and micromanaged.

+1 I am having a hard time believing it is adults writing this stuff and feel sorry for the kids (especially the girls) being discussed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He felt obliged to say yes. He has a crush on her cuter friend, a girl he runs a student club with. My opinion is the girl he has a crush on is NOT into him, otherwise she wouldn't have permitted her less attractive friend to ask him. Right or wrong?

Note: Girl he has a crush on did not take a date to the dance (many kids went without dates).

How do you draw the conclusion that the girl he has a crush on isn't into him? Does the girl who asked have to ask permission from her friends about who she can and can't ask to a winter formal? Does the "cuter friend" have any say where she gets to permit or not permit someone to ask your son out? WTF kind of soap opera spin are you trying to put on this? Stay the hell out of your son's love life, because you're going to mess everything up for him. If you say anything at all, you tell him to treat his date well, and that's the end of it.

If the girls are friends, the girls most certainly talked about prospective boys to take to the dance. And the girl most certainly tipped off the other girls prior to asking him. If the crush was going to ask him, she would have chimed in then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He felt obliged to say yes. He has a crush on her cuter friend, a girl he runs a student club with. My opinion is the girl he has a crush on is NOT into him, otherwise she wouldn't have permitted her less attractive friend to ask him. Right or wrong?

Note: Girl he has a crush on did not take a date to the dance (many kids went without dates).

How do you draw the conclusion that the girl he has a crush on isn't into him? Does the girl who asked have to ask permission from her friends about who she can and can't ask to a winter formal? Does the "cuter friend" have any say where she gets to permit or not permit someone to ask your son out? WTF kind of soap opera spin are you trying to put on this? Stay the hell out of your son's love life, because you're going to mess everything up for him. If you say anything at all, you tell him to treat his date well, and that's the end of it.

If the girls are friends, the girls most certainly talked about prospective boys to take to the dance. And the girl most certainly tipped off the other girls prior to asking him. If the crush was going to ask him, she would have chimed in then.

The whole proposal thing....her friends likely knew all about it. I just can't see a girl doing that without consulting with her friends first. Yes, the other girls knew that she was going to ask him. That doesn't necessarily mean that none of the other girls would want to go out with him, it just means that they knew in advance that she was going to ask him out. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post make you look ugly OP.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post make you look ugly OP.

I agree.

OP, mom of boys here. You don't look ugly. It's not as if you're calling them "more attractive girl" or "less attractive girl" instead of by name when discussing how to navigate this social situation with your son. I suppose pp's want you to say "Girl A" and "Girl B"? Whatever. Girls talk about boys this way - and with their moms - and we all know it. It sounds like moms of girls don't like to think of their precious girls similarly being compared or having their looks or desirability discussed, as if it's sexist. And if anyone thinks girls don't, then perhaps they don't with you, but they do. Were you not a teenage girl once? My teenage son has been told by girls at school that they were discussing his looks, even particular body parts. I can't even imagine if he were to say something like that to a girl. Of course, he knows better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have manned up and asked the cuter girl out.

Sounds like it was a Sadie Hawkins dance -- girls ask boys.

Right, so the thing to do would have been for him (well beforehand) to ask the girl he liked to study, get a burger, got to a movie etc etc so she knew he was definitely interested. Encourage your son to be direct and express himself confidently so these awkward dilemmas are avoided. This skill will serve him very well in life.

eh, these days it's all about over the top "proposals", limo nights, quadruple dating....

It's AP dating. Burgers and movies are for amateurs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He felt obliged to say yes. He has a crush on her cuter friend, a girl he runs a student club with. My opinion is the girl he has a crush on is NOT into him, otherwise she wouldn't have permitted her less attractive friend to ask him. Right or wrong?

Note: Girl he has a crush on did not take a date to the dance (many kids went without dates).

NP and haven't read the replies. But your story takes me back to my high school situation because it's so relevant here. I liked a guy, Larlo. The girl-ask-guy dance was coming up and my friend announced, "I'm going to ask Larlo!" So I felt like I couldn't ask Larlo because she announced it first.

Every day I waited for her to ask Larlo. It was SO frustrating. I did not have any experience with this, so it never occurred to me to say, "Ok, I'll give you until Wednesday, and if you haven't asked him by then, I'll ask him on Thursday." I just waited and every day I asked her if she had asked him yet. She knew I wanted to ask him. She never asked him. The last day, I said, "go ask him," and she said, "I can't, I'm too busy eating my sandwich!" and laughed.

Ok so I know that last paragraph isn't relevant, but just had to type it because it still irks me, lol, watching her laugh like that. (It didn't end totally badly, though. I actually took Larlo the next year. AND learned a valuable lesson.)

My only point being your logic is faulty where you say, "she woudn't have permitted her....friend to ask him." It doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

G1 is friends with G2.
B has crush on G1.
G2 has a crush on B.

It's a fallacy to infer G1 does not like your son. In my experience, winter dance dates are pretty casual. G2 is probably just more assertive. There was good advice early in the thread encouraging your son to actually hang out with G1, instead of acting like a beta male hoping the crush takes charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:G1 is friends with G2.
B has crush on G1.
G2 has a crush on B.

It's a fallacy to infer G1 does not like your son. In my experience, winter dance dates are pretty casual. G2 is probably just more assertive. There was good advice early in the thread encouraging your son to actually hang out with G1, instead of acting like a beta male hoping the crush takes charge.

Let him figure it out. Right now Op's son works with G1 on a club committee. They are already hanging around each other. Maybe the opportunity to ask her out will present itself.