Teen son was asked to winter formal (girls ask boys) by girl he's not attracted to

[Anonymous]

I don't see any reason to think the other girl doesn't like your son just because she didn't ask him to a dance. you are reading too much into this, OP. I would advise you just to listen, ensure he's being nice to everyone, and just see how things develop with time. high school romance is pretty low-stakes. if the boy thinks you are micromanaging his love life/being bossy he'll just stop telling you things.

[Anonymous]

So OP you need to talk to your son about a few things. One he does not have to go with the girl who asked him. He can decline. This is very important for a male to learn. Society(movies, popular culture, etc) enforce this stero type that if a female likes a male the male has no choice. He does have a choice.
Also talk to him about sex and about being pressured into sex. Many people think males are males and want to have sex with any female. It is not the case. Some girls are very aggressive.

[Anonymous]

DH has quite a few stories about this and a lot of regret about his proms and homecomings. He wishes he'd had enough strength to say that he had someone else in mind at the time. Instead he just went with whomever asked him first so that he didn't hurt her feelings. It actually hurt the feelings of the girl he had been planning on asking.

I feel like society has really emboldened girls to ask guys out, but hasn't emboldened guys to turn down girls. Girls get a message that they're NEVER turned down, not for dates and not for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He must go with the young lady who asks first. Same way around with the young men. It's nice manners.

No way. It's nice manners for you to send out feelers before you ask someone to a dance. People shouldn't be forced into anything just because they're asked. It sends the wrong message.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like the young lady who invited Op's son out to this dance was being overly aggressive. It is quite likely that if she had not asked him - no other girl would have asked him, either. He would have stayed at home that night playing video games....blah. Does he wish that he had said "no" to going? Probably not - he had fun. Does he wish that the girl he had the crush on had asked him instead - probably. But she had her chance and didn't ask him.

That doesn't mean that he can't ask her out though. Heck, if he had a good time with his date at the dance and she's a fun person - he can even ask her out again.

He's gotten his feet wet in the teen dating pool. He was nice and well behaved and had a good time. Good for him. He's doing something right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like the young lady who invited Op's son out to this dance was being overly aggressive. It is quite likely that if she had not asked him - no other girl would have asked him, either. He would have stayed at home that night playing video games....blah. Does he wish that he had said "no" to going? Probably not - he had fun. Does he wish that the girl he had the crush on had asked him instead - probably. But she had her chance and didn't ask him.

That doesn't mean that he can't ask her out though. Heck, if he had a good time with his date at the dance and she's a fun person - he can even ask her out again.

He's gotten his feet wet in the teen dating pool. He was nice and well behaved and had a good time. Good for him. He's doing something right.

If she didn't ask I assume he would have gone with buddies. Winter dances especially have a lot of kids that go with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has quite a few stories about this and a lot of regret about his proms and homecomings. He wishes he'd had enough strength to say that he had someone else in mind at the time. Instead he just went with whomever asked him first so that he didn't hurt her feelings. It actually hurt the feelings of the girl he had been planning on asking.

I feel like society has really emboldened girls to ask guys out, but hasn't emboldened guys to turn down girls. Girls get a message that they're NEVER turned down, not for dates and not for sex.

This in particular. DH was a very well built athlete in his younger days. He's told me several stories of women becoming incensed when he didn't want to sleep with them. He's never been a casual sex, one night stand kind of guy, but as an athelete, etc, it's a bit of a stereotpe. ANd of course, the whole men-don't-turn-down-women thing.

Sorry for the digression, cary on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has quite a few stories about this and a lot of regret about his proms and homecomings. He wishes he'd had enough strength to say that he had someone else in mind at the time. Instead he just went with whomever asked him first so that he didn't hurt her feelings. It actually hurt the feelings of the girl he had been planning on asking.

I feel like society has really emboldened girls to ask guys out, but hasn't emboldened guys to turn down girls. Girls get a message that they're NEVER turned down, not for dates and not for sex.

This in particular. DH was a very well built athlete in his younger days. He's told me several stories of women becoming incensed when he didn't want to sleep with them. He's never been a casual sex, one night stand kind of guy, but as an athelete, etc, it's a bit of a stereotpe. ANd of course, the whole men-don't-turn-down-women thing.

Sorry for the digression, cary on.

PS. sorry, wanted to add the well built athlete part only seemed relevant because he got hit on a lot. Actually still does. (better still be saying no!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is sweet your son said yes - encourage him to have fun and and go with a group. From my experience with two teens the ask is usually all about the Instagram photo op and beyond that most couples go their own way unless they are an official couple.

Yep, it's a school dance and most of the time, people end up hanging out as a group unless they were a serious couple well beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a teachable moment for you OP. Tell him to have fun and treat his date right. Maybe the other girl will notice how fun he is and will ask him next time.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has quite a few stories about this and a lot of regret about his proms and homecomings. He wishes he'd had enough strength to say that he had someone else in mind at the time. Instead he just went with whomever asked him first so that he didn't hurt her feelings. It actually hurt the feelings of the girl he had been planning on asking.

I feel like society has really emboldened girls to ask guys out, but hasn't emboldened guys to turn down girls. Girls get a message that they're NEVER turned down, not for dates and not for sex.

There is hard data and studies that show men are far more promiscuous if given the opportunity. I recall my psyc 110 prof citing gay men having so many partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a teachable moment for you OP. Tell him to have fun and treat his date right. Maybe the other girl will notice how fun he is and will ask him next time.

This

Could backfire, get the uglier girl to like him even more, and/or get the uglier girl to make a move on him. Then she "claims" him and puts him off limits to the rest of the girls in the clique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women like you raise boys who treat girls with disrespect. As a mom you are referring to one girl as cuter and the other as less attractive. That's shallow and insensitive. Your son will have the same shallow attitude to girls and women. You should not be thinking about the girls in those terms and if he spoke of them like that, you should have explained to him why that is wrong.

You have GOT to be kidding me, lol.
You deducted all of that from her 3 sentence post??
Get a fucking grip lady, sounds like YOU are the one with issues.

LOL. You got so angry over a comment on an anonymous message board? Obviously you are the one who needs to get a grip.

For a mom to be referring to a girl or a boy as less attractive than their friend is insensitive, no matter whether it's a boy or girl saying it. Kids can think what they wish but it's up to adults to teach them how to SPEAK about others. If you don't think so, that's okay with me...you aren't my friend.

Btw, it's "deduced" not "deducted", if you don't care, ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like the young lady who invited Op's son out to this dance was being overly aggressive. It is quite likely that if she had not asked him - no other girl would have asked him, either. He would have stayed at home that night playing video games....blah. Does he wish that he had said "no" to going? Probably not - he had fun. Does he wish that the girl he had the crush on had asked him instead - probably. But she had her chance and didn't ask him.

That doesn't mean that he can't ask her out though. Heck, if he had a good time with his date at the dance and she's a fun person - he can even ask her out again.

He's gotten his feet wet in the teen dating pool. He was nice and well behaved and had a good time. Good for him. He's doing something right.

If she didn't ask I assume he would have gone with buddies. Winter dances especially have a lot of kids that go with friends.

Nah. If a guy doesn't have a date, a lot of them just don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a teachable moment for you OP. Tell him to have fun and treat his date right. Maybe the other girl will notice how fun he is and will ask him next time.

+1000 Great advice.

Yes, this!