Teen son was asked to winter formal (girls ask boys) by girl he's not attracted to

[Anonymous]

I had a "friend" do this exact thing to a boy I liked. She was sort of a slut, one of those assertive and aggressive chubby girls. She hooked up with him after the dance and told everyone. I stopped crushing on him after. I thought he was gross from then on.

If your son hooked up with her he probably lost out on the cuter girl in his student org for good.

[Anonymous]

This is none of your business. GTFO of this.

[Anonymous]

Eh, this is hard. I was at a dance and crushing on this cute girl and her friend who I did not find attractive asked me to dance. I said yes as that was what I thought was right, but as we danced she proceeded to tell me she had a crush on me for months. After dance I freaked out and hid until I could leave the dance.

Over the following months she sent me notes and thoughtful gifts but I could not man up and clarify with her I was not interested at all. (We had actually never met before dance, so she was crushing on an imaginary version of me).

I wish I had talked to adult and gotten clear guidance on how to handle this better, the avoidance approach was cruel and drawn out.

So op may have a chance to help all the kids involved, though my story was middle school so maybe that changes things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He felt obliged to say yes. He has a crush on her cuter friend, a girl he runs a student club with. My opinion is the girl he has a crush on is NOT into him, otherwise she wouldn't have permitted her less attractive friend to ask him. Right or wrong?

Note: Girl he has a crush on did not take a date to the dance (many kids went without dates).

This is not a marriage. This is a school dance. There will be many such dances and there is no reason to complicate it with thinking that some "attraction" has to be involved.

My DD went to many such dances during her HS years. All except her prom she went without a date, AND she always went with a BIG group of her classmates. Some in the group were with dates and many others were not. A lovely time was had by all. Parents hosted the pre-dance parties for all these kids in their home. Parents helped with food, photos, corsages and with carpools. None of her peers had to miss out on the fun of going to a dance and no one had to go through the anxiety of asking someone else to be their date for the prom.

Do not make it a drama. Butt out from your son's life. It is slightly creepy that you are so invested in who he likes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a "friend" do this exact thing to a boy I liked. She was sort of a slut, one of those assertive and aggressive chubby girls. She hooked up with him after the dance and told everyone. I stopped crushing on him after. I thought he was gross from then on.

If your son hooked up with her he probably lost out on the cuter girl in his student org for good.

):

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a "friend" do this exact thing to a boy I liked. She was sort of a slut, one of those assertive and aggressive chubby girls. She hooked up with him after the dance and told everyone. I stopped crushing on him after. I thought he was gross from then on.

If your son hooked up with her he probably lost out on the cuter girl in his student org for good.

):

Or maybe he wanted to get some with the girl who liked getting some and went after it, daring to do WTF she wants even though her hot "friend" felt she had less of a right to? Possibilities are endless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a "friend" do this exact thing to a boy I liked. She was sort of a slut, one of those assertive and aggressive chubby girls. She hooked up with him after the dance and told everyone. I stopped crushing on him after. I thought he was gross from then on.

If your son hooked up with her he probably lost out on the cuter girl in his student org for good.

):

Or maybe he wanted to get some with the girl who liked getting some and went after it, daring to do WTF she wants even though her hot "friend" felt she had less of a right to? Possibilities are endless

True. Chubby girls usually put out faster.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine for OP to refer to the girls as "cute" and "less attractive." I think it's important for kids to know there will always be people cuter than they are, more athletic, smarter....I don't think you should tell your kid they aren't attractive, but encouraging self worth outside of beauty is important, as is being realistic about your looks so you don't embarrass yourself be setting your expectations "too high" based on societal norms. There are many times when people date outside of what society would, on average, deem within normal range, but being realistic is important to happiness. My best friend in high school spent all her time obsessing about some guy who was never going to give her the time of day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it sucks that common growing up crap is all over message boards to be dissected and micromanaged.

+1 I am having a hard time believing it is adults writing this stuff and feel sorry for the kids (especially the girls) being discussed here.

+1 -- I have a close relationships with my kids -- HS, college and grad students, including 2 young men -- and this feels like way too much involvement by mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have manned up and asked the cuter girl out.

Sounds like it was a Sadie Hawkins dance -- girls ask boys.

Yeah but he could've asked her on a regular date and then if she wanted to she could have asked him to the dance

[Anonymous]

Tell your son you snooze you lose. He screwed up not hanging with the cutie in his group--he's had since August, at least. It's possible she's shy too, so pushy chubby girl took charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a "friend" do this exact thing to a boy I liked. She was sort of a slut, one of those assertive and aggressive chubby girls. She hooked up with him after the dance and told everyone. I stopped crushing on him after. I thought he was gross from then on.

If your son hooked up with her he probably lost out on the cuter girl in his student org for good.

):

Or maybe he wanted to get some with the girl who liked getting some and went after it, daring to do WTF she wants even though her hot "friend" felt she had less of a right to? Possibilities are endless

True. Chubby girls usually put out faster.

Yup, I did and I had a great fucking time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a "friend" do this exact thing to a boy I liked. She was sort of a slut, one of those assertive and aggressive chubby girls. She hooked up with him after the dance and told everyone. I stopped crushing on him after. I thought he was gross from then on.

If your son hooked up with her he probably lost out on the cuter girl in his student org for good.

):

Or maybe he wanted to get some with the girl who liked getting some and went after it, daring to do WTF she wants even though her hot "friend" felt she had less of a right to? Possibilities are endless

True. Chubby girls usually put out faster.

Yup, I did and I had a great fucking time.

Actually the cute skinny popular girls put out faster. How do you think they stay popular?