Do parents rationalize letting their kids act mediocre because it's so easy to raise average kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

You are ridiculous. You have no idea what other people have going on because we don't tell you.

Not sure what schools your talking about but I can assure you my children's school is hardly easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're in a competitive school system. When my child became suicidal in 5th grade, I decided to back off a bit. I still insist that certain standards are met - homework done and turned in for example - but our lives are not going to center on her grades.

If she turns out to be mediocre but 1) alive and hopefully 2) happy, I am fine with that. I'd rather have a happy retail worker for a child than a neurotic mess because I spent her childhood haranguing her about her grades.

As an aside I was a mediocre kid and am now high income. Got serious towards the end of college. Some people just have to grow up before they take an interest in school.

Good for you pp. I totally agree. Some people bloom later and on their own time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's because not everyone is as perfect as you.

No one cares about your tireless effort to get your average kid into UVA.

+10000

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of average kids that appear above average due to the money/involvement they get from their parents. Propping children up can only go on for so long. It's important to raise a child that is self-reliant, motivated and driven by their own goals. Many parents hire tutors in elementary school to ensure their DCs have top grades and extra coaching/specialized camps so their DC will be immediately and consistenly "successful" in their sport(s) and ECs. Parents intervene directly with teachers when their child gets an average grade and work the coaches to ensure their child gets more playing time/extra-attention, etc.

It's important to teach our kids how to advocate for themselves, define their own goals, and work to achieve them. That may look like lazy parenting on the surface. Many of my HS DC's peers have no self-reliance and I worry about what that will mean when they leave for college. As a parent with resources, it's hard to find the right level of support to give. Don't assume parents are lazy - they may be letting their child "fail" by being mediocre for awhile so the DC can become more self-motivated and develop some personal goals.

[Anonymous]

I for one -- a Computational Physicist -- do not care about the grades my kid gets. I care that she learns the material.

You see, some classes -- particularly math classes -- build on the knowledge obtained in earlier classes. Algebra II is hard -- I remember struggling in it, but I got through it. I did not do well (either a B or a C), but I learned the material.

My DD is getting a B in it. She is working hard. And she is learning. Other than than, all A's. In honors. She works for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

On your theory, both your kids are total failures. Certainly everyone can get into Harvard. Why didn't your losers? Why didn't they make perfect scores on the SAT. You and they just needed to try harder because everyone can get As and perfect scores on the SAT. How do you even show your face in public?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're in a competitive school system. When my child became suicidal in 5th grade, I decided to back off a bit. I still insist that certain standards are met - homework done and turned in for example - but our lives are not going to center on her grades.

If she turns out to be mediocre but 1) alive and hopefully 2) happy, I am fine with that. I'd rather have a happy retail worker for a child than a neurotic mess because I spent her childhood haranguing her about her grades.

As an aside I was a mediocre kid and am now high income. Got serious towards the end of college. Some people just have to grow up before they take an interest in school.

Good for you pp. I totally agree. Some people bloom later and on their own time.

Yes, when you go through things like you did with your child and I have with mine, your perspective changes dramatically. My children will graduate from very good schools likely close to bottom 25% academically, but they're alive, they have tools to deal with their health (mental and physical) challenges, they are loved, they're good friends to others.

[Anonymous]

Because some parents love and accept their kids without condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of average kids that appear above average due to the money/involvement they get from their parents. Propping children up can only go on for so long. It's important to raise a child that is self-reliant, motivated and driven by their own goals. Many parents hire tutors in elementary school to ensure their DCs have top grades and extra coaching/specialized camps so their DC will be immediately and consistenly "successful" in their sport(s) and ECs. Parents intervene directly with teachers when their child gets an average grade and work the coaches to ensure their child gets more playing time/extra-attention, etc.

It's important to teach our kids how to advocate for themselves, define their own goals, and work to achieve them. That may look like lazy parenting on the surface. Many of my HS DC's peers have no self-reliance and I worry about what that will mean when they leave for college. As a parent with resources, it's hard to find the right level of support to give. Don't assume parents are lazy - they may be letting their child "fail" by being mediocre for awhile so the DC can become more self-motivated and develop some personal goals.

Oh stop being so damn rational. OP didn't want answers that make sense, she only wanted high fives to support her ridiculous opinion. Your normalcy is not welcome here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because some parents love and accept their kids without condition.

You, too. Quit making sense. You're not helping OP. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is naturally smart, barely studied and four-pointed his way through high school and college. My youngest was not naturally gifted, he had to work for it. We dedicated a lot of time to him, provided every resource he needed, and he eventually finished high school with something like a 3.85 GPA and he's currently doing very well at UVA.

At lunch a colleague told me she has lowered the bar for her younger son because "he's just not as smart as his sister." She allows him to get Cs and they celebrate Bs.

Why do parents do this? Is it just because it's far easier letting your kid be average verse taking the time and effort to make sure they perform at a high level?

Maybe B's are as high as your colleague's DS can go? What do you think it does to a kid who struggles for B's to be constantly told he's not meeting his parents expectations? Your colleague sounds like a great parent. You ,,, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, bologna.

You seem insufferable.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

As in most American high schools has nothing to do with intelligence -- it's solely work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're in a competitive school system. When my child became suicidal in 5th grade, I decided to back off a bit. I still insist that certain standards are met - homework done and turned in for example - but our lives are not going to center on her grades.

If she turns out to be mediocre but 1) alive and hopefully 2) happy, I am fine with that. I'd rather have a happy retail worker for a child than a neurotic mess because I spent her childhood haranguing her about her grades.

As an aside I was a mediocre kid and am now high income. Got serious towards the end of college. Some people just have to grow up before they take an interest in school.

+1000
Agree completely. Plenty of "average" kids kick into high gear while in college, or even later. I'd rather have average, happy kids than over-achievers who are miserable and burned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like an icky parent in the "gifted" community

This.