Do parents rationalize letting their kids act mediocre because it's so easy to raise average kids?

[Anonymous]

My oldest is naturally smart, barely studied and four-pointed his way through high school and college. My youngest was not naturally gifted, he had to work for it. We dedicated a lot of time to him, provided every resource he needed, and he eventually finished high school with something like a 3.85 GPA and he's currently doing very well at UVA.

At lunch a colleague told me she has lowered the bar for her younger son because "he's just not as smart as his sister." She allows him to get Cs and they celebrate Bs.

Why do parents do this? Is it just because it's far easier letting your kid be average verse taking the time and effort to make sure they perform at a high level?

[Anonymous]

It's because not everyone is as perfect as you.

No one cares about your tireless effort to get your average kid into UVA.

[Anonymous]

You sure are pulling on those puppet strings. What happens when you let go? Or will you ever? Will you "make" your 22 year old become a doctor or an engineer? Also do you get to decide who they marry?

[Anonymous]

Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

You did what was best for your kids. How do you know your colleague isn't? How do you know the silent battles she's fighting? Are grades and success in college really your measurement of success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

[Anonymous]

You do realize what average is mathematically, right? Bell curves and all that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what average is mathematically, right? Bell curves and all that?

What does the bell curve have to do with high school grades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

Oh god you said bologna. Get back up on your porch and keep complaining about the "kids these days". Get a hobby or a life now that your smothered kids have left home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

Oh god you said bologna. Get back up on your porch and keep complaining about the "kids these days". Get a hobby or a life now that your smothered kids have left home.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

[Anonymous]

Oh, bologna.

You seem insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

Have you never met a child with intellectual disabilities? Severe processing delays in one or more modes? Heath problems? Or even just a child who is incredibly resistant to structured schooling? Kids, like all people, are individuals. Different kids will have different personalities, different talents, and different levels of potential. Surely you don't honestly think everyone has the exact same experiences and can be treated like cookie-cutter blank slates to be shaped exactly as you wish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what average is mathematically, right? Bell curves and all that?

What does the bell curve have to do with high school grades?

Everyone can't get As.

[Anonymous]

Also, why does everyone need to get A's? I know several people now who were B/C students in high school, that went on to attend college and get jobs they like and have adult lives they're perfectly content with.

I guess the question is, what is your goal? Your child's goal? What level of performance is necessary to reach the goal? And is it worth it? Those questions & their answers will vary for different families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what average is mathematically, right? Bell curves and all that?

What does the bell curve have to do with high school grades?

Everyone can't get As.

I disagree with OP's premise entirely, but I also don't think this is accurate. My HS age students have definitely been in classes where the vast majority (far more than a bell curve model would allow) all got A's.

In my experience few if any HS classes are graded on a curve, and even my older kids' universities seem to be doing away with that concept. It's possible for the course to be taught well enough that most students get enough material correct on exams to earn a percentage grade in the A range, especially if it's a class with easily verifiable right or wrong answers where student X's performance can do nothing to impact the relative quality of student Y's work and whether or not student Y got all the answers correct.