Do parents rationalize letting their kids act mediocre because it's so easy to raise average kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said it, raising average kids is 100x easier. If raising 4.0 perfect kids was easy everyone would have 4.0 perfect kids. Easier to make excuses and rationalize that "grades aren't everything."

You put quotes around that as though it's untrue! I'd so much rather have an empathetic, kind, and well rounded child than some bot who is programmed to churn out 4.0's. My husband hardly cared about school and is a very high earner. His personality and ability to network got him where he is. My career was very much the same way.

Ah yes, ambitious hard-working kids who strive for As are "bots" with "tiger parents."

You may be a tiger mom who strives. A's come very naturally for my kids - so we have lots of time to focus on athletics, travel, musical instruments, etc. if your kids need parental haranguing in order to achieve some measure of success we just have different families. We feel lucky to have self motivated kids. The op seems to credit herself with her younger child's "success" of getting into college.

[Anonymous]

I read this and laughed my ass off. We have five kids - Three through college. One in college. One senior about to leave for college. Our oldest is 28 and married with a child. He was a very mediocre student in high school and in college. He is a superstar in his career and has quickly passed his peers in both position and income. And he is a great husband and father.

One of our kids was a National Merit Scholar who graduated from high school with a 4.45 GPA and from college summa cum laude with a 4.0. She has a good job, but has struggled with anxiety issues and just general "adulting", for lack of a better term. She is doing well in her career, but is not super ambitious.

All of the kids are different. Their academic success (or lack thereof) in high school did not corelate in any way to their success in their chosen careers. I'm not suggesting grades aren't important. You need decent grades to get into a good college, assuming college is the plan. However, to suggest that a student who makes Bs and Cs is just a "mediocre" kid is ri-damn-diculous and frankly shows a real lack of parenting ability on the part of mom and dad. If you can't see past a letter grade, you probably shouldn't be raising humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is naturally smart, barely studied and four-pointed his way through high school and college. My youngest was not naturally gifted, he had to work for it. We dedicated a lot of time to him, provided every resource he needed, and he eventually finished high school with something like a 3.85 GPA and he's currently doing very well at UVA.

At lunch a colleague told me she has lowered the bar for her younger son because "he's just not as smart as his sister." She allows him to get Cs and they celebrate Bs.

Why do parents do this? Is it just because it's far easier letting your kid be average verse taking the time and effort to make sure they perform at a high level?[/quote]

Why don't you know, op? Your colleague does this to make you feel superior to her in raising better and smarter kids! Her kids are "SAD" and "LOSERS" lol

Seriously, I wouldn't pat myself on the back just yet...your kids' lives have barely begun! Do you take credit for only the positive things you're kids do and none of the blame? I don't take the credit and I don't take the blame.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pp and I meant to say YOUR not YOU'RE

[Anonymous]

Generally, I agree with you, OP.
It's mainly due to grade inflation messing with everyone's minds, and thinking that Cs are acceptable when they're not.

However, it's also because:
Not every parent has the willpower.
Not every parent can find the time and money.
Not every parent can be in a good enough place themselves to go the extra mile.

Then, not every child can achieve even so low as a C, because they may have a broken family life and not be able to apply themselves, they may have learning disabilities, they may not understand the value of a good education.

It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

I hope child #2 gets a job with good health insurance so they will soon be in therapy. But nice job, Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read this and laughed my ass off. We have five kids - Three through college. One in college. One senior about to leave for college. Our oldest is 28 and married with a child. He was a very mediocre student in high school and in college. He is a superstar in his career and has quickly passed his peers in both position and income. And he is a great husband and father.

One of our kids was a National Merit Scholar who graduated from high school with a 4.45 GPA and from college summa cum laude with a 4.0. She has a good job, but has struggled with anxiety issues and just general "adulting", for lack of a better term. She is doing well in her career, but is not super ambitious.

All of the kids are different. Their academic success (or lack thereof) in high school did not corelate in any way to their success in their chosen careers. I'm not suggesting grades aren't important. You need decent grades to get into a good college, assuming college is the plan. However, to suggest that a student who makes Bs and Cs is just a "mediocre" kid is ri-damn-diculous and frankly shows a real lack of parenting ability on the part of mom and dad. If you can't see past a letter grade, you probably shouldn't be raising humans.

PP I like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Generally, I agree with you, OP.
It's mainly due to grade inflation messing with everyone's minds, and thinking that Cs are acceptable when they're not.

However, it's also because:
Not every parent has the willpower.
Not every parent can find the time and money.
Not every parent can be in a good enough place themselves to go the extra mile.

Then, not every child can achieve even so low as a C, because they may have a broken family life and not be able to apply themselves, they may have learning disabilities, they may not understand the value of a good education.

It is what it is.

So colleges now look at parental willpower and their ability to "go the extra mile"? How interesting! Will you be moving into your child's dorm room - you know, with all of that willpower of yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is naturally smart, barely studied and four-pointed his way through high school and college. My youngest was not naturally gifted, he had to work for it. We dedicated a lot of time to him, provided every resource he needed, and he eventually finished high school with something like a 3.85 GPA and he's currently doing very well at UVA.

At lunch a colleague told me she has lowered the bar for her younger son because "he's just not as smart as his sister." She allows him to get Cs and they celebrate Bs.

Why do parents do this? Is it just because it's far easier letting your kid be average verse taking the time and effort to make sure they perform at a high level?

Why don't you know, op? [b]Your colleague does this to make you feel superior to her in raising better and smarter kids! Her kids are "SAD" and "LOSERS" lol

Seriously, I wouldn't pat myself on the back just yet...your kids' lives have barely begun! Do you take credit for only the positive things you're kids do and none of the blame? I don't take the credit and I don't take the blame.

No, because I honestly never talk about my kids at work. Only thing a few people know is maybe where they attend(ed) college. Colleague was just being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Such bologna, high school is incredibly easy. If it doesn't come naturally to your children you have to teach them how to adapt. Of course it's far easier just to give up and rationalize that "not every kid can get As."

You are ridiculous. You have no idea what other people have going on because we don't tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what average is mathematically, right? Bell curves and all that?

What does the bell curve have to do with high school grades?

Because everything is always graded on a curve because the teachers write the tests. They get the mean they want.

What is on a bell curve, more or less, is human ability.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as if you value grades. Good for you.

I value relationships. I don't need my kids' strongest childhood memories to be of me nagging them about grades. But if that works for you and you think that's what's important then good on ya!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize what average is mathematically, right? Bell curves and all that?

What does the bell curve have to do with high school grades?

Because everything is always graded on a curve because the teachers write the tests. They get the mean they want.

What is on a bell curve, more or less, is human ability.

Maybe this was true in the past but none of the tests my son brings home are written by his teacher. I asked. They are written by the district so they are uniform.

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound like an icky parent in the "gifted" community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone "can" perform at a high level, regardless of effort put in.

Maybe some parents think it's a better idea to accept their kid for who they are rather than be constantly pushing them. That seems like a miserable life for both parent and child, to me, and I don't see why it would be worth it.

As long as the child is not completely falling apart and ruining their future, maybe good enough is good enough. Most people are in fact average, and maybe to some people that's not a bad thing.

Yes!