meant-to-be-kind words that hurt
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Anonymous
It may not be about parenting, it may be about the child or something else entirely, but its still an insult. |
Anonymous
Like a PP up thread said--the parent admittedly popped in unannounced and asked the question. I'm sure the teacher would have responded in a similar way to what you wrote if she had been given a heads up. You can't expect someone who teaches hundreds of kids per week to come up with the kind of response you're looking for while being surprised by a parent peeking in the door and asking that type of question while the teacher presumably was either teaching another class or prepping for the next class. That's completely unfair to put this on the teacher. Give the teacher the benefit of time to think of a thoughtful response like you had the benefit of doing. Completely apples and oranges. |
Anonymous
No, it's not an insult. The OP knows this as does most of us. It's just that some days the little things get you down. That's all. |
Anonymous
Good answer. |
Anonymous
Thank you. She brings us so much joy. I know some parents with aspergers kids who really worry about their kids. We feel very blessed that she is happy and doen't suffer from depression or anxiety, that often go along with autism. We are very fortunate. |
Anonymous
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I don't think OP thought the comment was rude. Just that it stings to hear.
I hear ya, OP. Our 5 year old is adhd and has a lot of social interaction problems in preschool (and has for years). Not so much from the teachers, but i find the other parent comments so stinging - even though they are meant to be totally kind and from friends. Things like "he did great today!" at a birthday party, even though the other parent doesn't know he officially has a problem. The parent is being really nice and encouraging, but it's a reminder to me that the other parents and kids are talking and feeling sorry for us and wondering what the deal is. For so long, when he was a little kid, his issues were able to fly under the radar because all kids had behavioral problems. So no one is being mean or rude, but it's sad for me to hear those comments. But i AM oversensitive. I know it. I always have been. And my son's issues are my most personal, sensitive issue these days. So no wonder it bugs me. |
Anonymous
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My son won a school wide academic contest, even beating the scores of the students two grades above him (he's a little smartie).
Teacher sends long emails about his classroom behavior issues, but never once mentioned to me that he won this competition. I found out because the competition results were crumpled in his backpack. He studied every day for weeks to participate in this optional vocabulary competition. I'm not after teachers- we've had some great teachers over the years- but this rankled. |
Anonymous
| I think the teachers who are swooping down onto this thread to defend the teaching profession as if this were an indictment of the entire teaching profession are oversensitive. |
Anonymous
NP here. Sorry that this hurts, OP. And it may not be obvious to everyone. But it would be obvious to a teacher who sees hundreds of students, perhaps thousands, over the course of their career. It may also be somewhat obvious to others who aren't teachers. Sounds to me that this is really what's bothering you. You've just had another reality check--you didn't realize your child's disability was obvious. You are still adjusting to the fact your child has a disability. No, not because you've been in denial, but because her disability isn't static over time. This is a journey you will always be on...as your child develops, other kids are developing, too. As your child makes social gains, other kids her age are, too, and their advances in certain areas are likely to be happening more quickly. This may be making your child's disability more prominent. You may not see this, but others will. You might not see it because, naturally, you've been focused on helping your child get to the next step. And the next. Reality checks like this hurt. And it's so hard to talk about them. I know for a fact that my friends and others with typical kids my daughter's age think, "why can't she just get over it?" when I try to talk about my child's disability (My DD is now 15). But the fact is, you can't get over something that is still evolving and shifting, and that you are having to manage every day of your life. You can only get on with it. There will always be your reality, and their reality. Most of them will never understand this. To manage this, you need to try to keep track of both--what your child is doing at a certain age versus what most other kids are doing at a certain age--so that you can maintain a sense of perspective on things like this. Chin up, OP. As you yourself said, the teacher meant to be kind. Let this one go, and focus your energy on helping your daughter. |
Anonymous
+2. The question was not are kids nice to mine but how the child is doing in class. I would take it as an insult. |
Anonymous
| Some empathy here. Some of the best teachers are not great communicators with parents - they are great with kids and great with respect to subject matter but... we had one teacher I though was wooden as can be, in 20/20 hindesight she might be on the spectrum herself, but she was wicked smart and had figured out really effective communication with kids. Her kid communication playbook worked with students but I imagine she had few adult friends and a lot of hobbies and cats. Lol. Some empathy please. Teachers are human too. My goodness - we want people to accept and give our kids the benefit of the doubt - maybe give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. I would chalk this up to well meaning teacher who might lack the social iq to know that is not what you were looking for. Hugs. |
Anonymous
But the parent popped her head in during the school day to "check in" on her daughter. The teacher knew sh wasn't really checking in to see if the girl liked painting or ceramics better... and the parent ASKED the question about how the girl was doing, not "what does she like best in art?"... |
Anonymous
This. If you want a specific answer to a specific question, then ask a specific question. It's unfair to place blame on someone who didn't tell you exactly what you wanted to hear when asked a general question on the spur of the moment. |