Reply to meant-to-be-kind words that hurt

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[quote=Anonymous]
 
  
[quote]DD has asperger's. In part because she's a girl, she doesn't present in a stereotypically asperger's/autistic way, so she often comes across as just really quiet. I was at her elementary school for something else today, and as I was leaving, I popped into the art room because I thought she might be there and I wanted to peak in on her. She wasn't there, but the art teacher was and I asked her how DD was doing in her class. The art teacher, whom I would assume has not read her IEP, said (nicely), "Kids in this school are really nice, so they are inclusive to kids who are different."

Ouch. I mean, I know my kid is different, but[b] I didn't know it was that obvious to everyone[/b].  
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NP here.

Sorry that this hurts, OP. And it may not be obvious to everyone. But it would be obvious to a teacher who sees hundreds of students, perhaps thousands, over the course of their career. It may also be somewhat obvious to others who aren't teachers.

Sounds to me that this is really what's bothering you. You've just had another reality check--you didn't realize your child's disability was obvious. You are still adjusting to the fact your child has a disability. No, not because you've been in denial, but because her disability isn't static over time. This is a journey you will always be on...as your child develops, other kids are developing, too. As your child makes social gains, other kids her age are, too, and their advances in certain areas are likely to be happening more quickly. This may be making your child's disability more prominent. You may not see this, but others will. You might not see it because, naturally, you've been focused on helping your child get to the next step. And the next.

Reality checks like this hurt. And it's so hard to talk about them. I know for a fact that my friends and others with typical kids my daughter's age think, "why can't she just get over it?" when I try to talk about my child's disability (My DD is now 15). But the fact is, you can't get over something that is still evolving and shifting, and that you are having to manage every day of your life. You can only get on with it. There will always be your reality, and their reality. Most of them will never understand this. To manage this, you need to try to keep track of both--what your child is doing at a certain age versus what most other kids are doing at a certain age--so that you can maintain a sense of perspective on things like this.

Chin up, OP. As you yourself said, the teacher meant to be kind. Let this one go, and focus your energy on helping your daughter.
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