meant-to-be-kind words that hurt

[Anonymous]

DD has asperger's. In part because she's a girl, she doesn't present in a stereotypically asperger's/autistic way, so she often comes across as just really quiet. I was at her elementary school for something else today, and as I was leaving, I popped into the art room because I thought she might be there and I wanted to peak in on her. She wasn't there, but the art teacher was and I asked her how DD was doing in her class. The art teacher, whom I would assume has not read her IEP, said (nicely), "Kids in this school are really nice, so they are inclusive to kids who are different."

Ouch. I mean, I know my kid is different, but I didn't know it was that obvious to everyone.

[Anonymous]

That is a bizarre comment. I would have repeated the question about how your child is doing.

[Anonymous]

Ouch. Bad answer.

But don't assume the art teacher wouldn't have read the IEP. All teachers should be aware of students' disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think it's a pretty nice thing to say OP. She was letting you know that your kid isn't being bullied or socially excluded in the class b/c no matter how low SN kids fly under the radar, they're still at risk of being targets, especially among girls.

Whether or not this teacher's actually read the IEP, it's probably plainly obvious that your DD may have trouble interacting or socially connecting with her peers.

I'd call it a win and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

She knows your daughter has aspergers as she would be required to see the IEP. All school staff that teach her should be familiar (whether they remember details and/or follow is another issue). I have 3 kids with mild disabilities. Child 1 has a 504, 2 has an IEP and 3 had an IEP and now has a 504. Our "specials" teachers were in the loop for all 3 as it's relevant information for any teacher to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knows your daughter has aspergers as she would be required to see the IEP. All school staff that teach her should be familiar (whether they remember details and/or follow is another issue). I have 3 kids with mild disabilities. Child 1 has a 504, 2 has an IEP and 3 had an IEP and now has a 504. Our "specials" teachers were in the loop for all 3 as it's relevant information for any teacher to have.

Hit submit too soon. I think it's a nice thing for the teacher to say. She's trying to be reassuring. My son has a disorder that is very stigmatizing and it made me feel better when teachers made similar comments.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private high school, and one of my teachers flat out told the (business math) class she didn't read any of our IEPs because she didn't want to pre-judge us. She wanted to accept us as we presented to her.

But, this was also a teacher who was very flexible and go with the flow. So if one kid decided to sit on the windowsill she said nothing. If we asked if we could have class outside in nice weather she was likely to say yes. If someone didn't understand and someone else volunteered to explain it a different way in the hallway, she said yes.

[Anonymous]

My son has high functioning autism and the message wouldn't bother me in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think it's a pretty nice thing to say OP. She was letting you know that your kid isn't being bullied or socially excluded in the class b/c no matter how low SN kids fly under the radar, they're still at risk of being targets, especially among girls.

Whether or not this teacher's actually read the IEP, it's probably plainly obvious that your DD may have trouble interacting or socially connecting with her peers.

I'd call it a win and call it a day.

OP here. She absolutely meant it as a nice, reassuring thing to say. I'm not upset at her. And of course I'm glad that she's not being bullied. But it's still hard to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think it's a pretty nice thing to say OP. She was letting you know that your kid isn't being bullied or socially excluded in the class b/c no matter how low SN kids fly under the radar, they're still at risk of being targets, especially among girls.

Whether or not this teacher's actually read the IEP, it's probably plainly obvious that your DD may have trouble interacting or socially connecting with her peers.

I'd call it a win and call it a day.

OP here. She absolutely meant it as a nice, reassuring thing to say. I'm not upset at her. And of course I'm glad that she's not being bullied. But it's still hard to hear.

May I ask why it's hard to hear? I'm not trying to be offensive at all. But I think that I would be very glad to know that kids are being nice to my kid. I think it was a very sweet thing to say . And I would feel reassured to know that my child is in a healthy inclusive environment .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think it's a pretty nice thing to say OP. She was letting you know that your kid isn't being bullied or socially excluded in the class b/c no matter how low SN kids fly under the radar, they're still at risk of being targets, especially among girls.

Whether or not this teacher's actually read the IEP, it's probably plainly obvious that your DD may have trouble interacting or socially connecting with her peers.

I'd call it a win and call it a day.

OP here. She absolutely meant it as a nice, reassuring thing to say. I'm not upset at her. And of course I'm glad that she's not being bullied. But it's still hard to hear.

May I ask why it's hard to hear? I'm not trying to be offensive at all. But I think that I would be very glad to know that kids are being nice to my kid. I think it was a very sweet thing to say . And I would feel reassured to know that my child is in a healthy inclusive environment .

Just that she stands out as so different. I'm being over-sensitive, I know.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. You expected to hear something about how your daughter was doing the class art-wise, not that other students are being inclusive. It would have hit me that way too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a private high school, and one of my teachers flat out told the (business math) class she didn't read any of our IEPs because she didn't want to pre-judge us. She wanted to accept us as we presented to her.

But, this was also a teacher who was very flexible and go with the flow. So if one kid decided to sit on the windowsill she said nothing. If we asked if we could have class outside in nice weather she was likely to say yes. If someone didn't understand and someone else volunteered to explain it a different way in the hallway, she said yes.

You realize that is a pretty huge problem, right?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it would be nice just to hear something about my SN kid that wasn't related to their disability.

From an art teacher that could be that DC is really enjoying painting or that the pottery unit didn't seem to engage her so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it would be nice just to hear something about my SN kid that wasn't related to their disability.

From an art teacher that could be that DC is really enjoying painting or that the pottery unit didn't seem to engage her so much.

Exactly.