Jealous boyfriend or am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does this guy have friends of his own?

Op here. No, he had maybe hung out with a friend three times since we have been together.

That is not healthy at all.....partly why most relationships fail is because of a lack of independence. One shouldn't build their life around someone else.

The fact he has all this time to stalk/follow you shows he is insecure and has trust issues.

Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He seems like a crazy controlling psycho that you should dump immediately.

You kind of sound like you don't hate stoking the fires of his crazy. Try to rid yourself of that habit before dating a new guy.

+1

[Anonymous]

I believe BF is doing the right thing by rethinking this relationship. He knows he does not feel like you are a safe person for him (he has to verify your story by checking on you), and you are trying to convince him you are. This is not a healthy situation on either side. It is not a wrong or right thing in my experience. No one needs to bash him for being jealous or insecure, or you for engaging in FB and wanting male attention. Relationships are a lot of work and some compromise. When you care for yourself and others, there are sacrifices but they can be mutual. BF just does not trust women that do relationships like you are accustom to doing them. Everyone has an idea or pattern of how they feel safe, free and healthy in a relationship, without feeling so vulnerable to pain. That is why we date for awhile. Yes, it is heartbreaking at times when it ends or when you think it might end thinking you did something wrong or hurtful. Learn from it and move on is my advice. Seek council also from people or ministries that move toward healthy relationships, not perfect, just healthy !!! Happy New Year !!! Praying for you !!! Make 2017 your year to be passionate about learning about yourself !!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe BF is doing the right thing by rethinking this relationship. He knows he does not feel like you are a safe person for him (he has to verify your story by checking on you), and you are trying to convince him you are. This is not a healthy situation on either side. It is not a wrong or right thing in my experience. No one needs to bash him for being jealous or insecure, or you for engaging in FB and wanting male attention. Relationships are a lot of work and some compromise. When you care for yourself and others, there are sacrifices but they can be mutual. BF just does not trust women that do relationships like you are accustom to doing them. Everyone has an idea or pattern of how they feel safe, free and healthy in a relationship, without feeling so vulnerable to pain. That is why we date for awhile. Yes, it is heartbreaking at times when it ends or when you think it might end thinking you did something wrong or hurtful. Learn from it and move on is my advice. Seek council also from people or ministries that move toward healthy relationships, not perfect, just healthy !!! Happy New Year !!! Praying for you !!! Make 2017 your year to be passionate about learning about yourself !!!

Did you read the thread? He doesn't hang out with any of his own friends, is uncomfortable with the OP being friends with males at all, and follows her places to observe her behavior. That is stalker behavior not "doing the right thing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound young and dumb.

+1 Don't have children, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does this guy have friends of his own?

Op here. No, he had maybe hung out with a friend three times since we have been together

This is ridiculous. I never ask DW if it's OK if I accept someone's friend request, and she never asks me. I always had a crowd of friends to hang out with either with DW or on my own, until DS was born. I don't get why FB is such a big deal. You both need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Op here checking in.
After a week of not seeing each other he broke up with me. He said he was tired of our relationship and said I was a liar. I assume he's probably moved on to someone else by now. Thanks for everyone's honest replies and input. I am trying to move on and will make better choices all around next time.

[Anonymous]

Break up. He followed you to a bar? You didn't tell him you were going because you knew he would be upset that you were seeing friends? He checks your phone? Run the hell away, OP.

+1 I would add that you felt compelled to accede to his demand not to friend the guy. That you friended him afterwards i don't see so much as a lie but as a pathetic attempt to assert some independence. I've been married 20 years and our relationship has been rocky at times. But, we never have the dynamic you have with this guy.

I also recently posted on a 'no good deed goes unpunished' thread. A coworker confided that her husband was abusing her. She texted me a safe word which alerted me to call the police. They went to her home and arrested him. Less than a week later, she's telling me what a horrible misunderstanding this all was. I was subpoened twice and she no longer speaks to me. One thing that struck me was your comment about how he found out about the friend request. My coworker's husband is controlling. The husband put a recording app on her phone to record all of her calls. He controls her FB account. He comes at lunch.....From what you've posted, i could see your BF doing that.

DTMF. Relationships can be work but yours is just too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here checking in.
After a week of not seeing each other he broke up with me. He said he was tired of our relationship and said I was a liar. I assume he's probably moved on to someone else by now. Thanks for everyone's honest replies and input. I am trying to move on and will make better choices all around next time.

You dodged a bullet, Op. he was probably cheating on you the whole time

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a boatload of red flags. Please stay broken up. That level of control and jealousy early on is terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here checking in.
After a week of not seeing each other he broke up with me. He said he was tired of our relationship and said I was a liar. I assume he's probably moved on to someone else by now. Thanks for everyone's honest replies and input. I am trying to move on and will make better choices all around next time.

Thanks for checking in, there are times people want advice, and either don't like it, don't answer questions, or just the story sit there. Props to you for keeping this board in the loop.

Tired of the relationship? I bet he has done the same thing to at least 5 other women, and they probably dumped him. If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship, and until he figures that out, he will be single.

[Anonymous]

Break up with this guy now. You don't really want to marry him. Stop wasting his/your time. I'm not saying he's right. I'm saying you guys are not good together so just stop now.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Update. I haven't seen him since Monday, the day of the argument. We have exchanged texts back and forth but for the most part we have not spoken. Last night I left to go to the hospital with my Mom to see my Dad who is dying of cancer. We drove together and came home around midnight. Today my bf and I talked about trust and explained what we didn't like about each other and what we would like to change. I never left my house once today which I later provided him proof by showing him a text exchange of me asking my son if I had left.
The reason why is because he's claiming I went to his house last night and damaged his vehicle. Now he's saying he's getting the police involved. He lives in a pretty shady neighborhood with the police always patrolling that area.
I feel like a fool for not just blocking him and not speaking to him like I had planned.
I don't know what to do. I have removed him from everything. I told him I wanted him out of my life and to not contact me again. But now I don't feel safe in my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few things ... you like the attention that this beta orbiter gives you, which is why you added him to facebook.

And, you did lie to your bf - you told him you weren't going to add the beta orbiter and then you did. How's he even remotely in the wrong here?

This poster is correct. You're an attention seeking liar..

+1

Although I will say him waiting outside a bar is jealous behavior. You may be made for each other.

+2

You're both nuts. OP, you're far from innocent in all of this and you're seriously just as messed up as your man is. You two belong together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Update. I haven't seen him since Monday, the day of the argument. We have exchanged texts back and forth but for the most part we have not spoken. Last night I left to go to the hospital with my Mom to see my Dad who is dying of cancer. We drove together and came home around midnight. Today my bf and I talked about trust and explained what we didn't like about each other and what we would like to change. I never left my house once today which I later provided him proof by showing him a text exchange of me asking my son if I had left.
The reason why is because he's claiming I went to his house last night and damaged his vehicle. Now he's saying he's getting the police involved. He lives in a pretty shady neighborhood with the police always patrolling that area.
I feel like a fool for not just blocking him and not speaking to him like I had planned.
I don't know what to do. I have removed him from everything. I told him I wanted him out of my life and to not contact me again. But now I don't feel safe in my home.

You don't owe him shit. You don't owe him proof of anything. Don't talk to him again, and maybe get some therapy to figure out why you think that sort of behavior from a guy is ok.

You should tell him to go ahead and call the cops. Explain the situation to the cops if they believe him enough to come talk to you. I don't see that as likely. You need to make it clear you're not afraid of his threats. He's only trying to upset you, and you're playing along. Don't contact him or respond to him again. If he shows up, call the police and get a restraining order.